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24 October 2008 @ 03:56 pm
oh the posterity  
I saw my first vaginal birth.

My thoughts ran as follows:

this is boring, it's just her vag, there is NOTHING HAPPENING

now it's like watching football - I don't understand it, but I feel the urge to clap! (and get weird looks from dad)

*tears up from the emotion of it all*

THERE IS A FACE BETWEEN HER LEGS. A FACE. BETWEEN HER LEGS. MUST. NOT. GIGGLE.


In slightly more coherent summary: giving birth is survivable, but it's clearly also where all horror movies were born. Between things spurting and gushing and oozing and small purple humans popping out of places that belong in porn ...

I'm also determined not to have an epidural. Those things (infants, you know) rip up your vagina and from basic observation and common sense, it has a lot to do with the way they come out. With an epidural, your legs are paralysed, so you're lying on your back. You wouldn't take a dump lying on your back, so why give birth that way? (And they are basically the same, for anyone who hasn't done it.)

Conclusion: HEEHEEHEE.
 
 
Current Mood: mischievousmischievous
Current Music: no apologies (the hush sound)
 
 
 
(Deleted comment)
cordelia_vcordelia_v on October 24th, 2008 04:06 pm (UTC)
Heh. See my comments, downthread.

I am convinced that the Scottish surgeon who first introduced anesthesia for women in labor went straight to heaven for that act alone.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: bands PATD Ryan hatscoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:45 am (UTC)
Probably because you don't see the face until it's right up in yours, peering at you curiously and being a little human

Yeah, I think it's probably lucky most moms don't get to see the actual process going on down below. A lot of female doctors may have to go selective amnesia on this point if they ever plan to experience it themselves...
like a disco: shiiyuuravyn_ashling on October 24th, 2008 03:19 pm (UTC)
i first saw vaginal birth on video when i was 12. i couldn't really tell how successful it had been in warning us from premarital sex but, uh, yeah. 8D
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: frangipaniscoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:45 am (UTC)
It's something else when you are there. With the smell, for one thing.
Loyaulte Me Lieshocolate on October 24th, 2008 03:23 pm (UTC)
absolutely!

active birth - squatting - let gravity work FOR you!!
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: bands: FOB: a little more touch mescoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:46 am (UTC)
That's what I'm sayin'! :D
Neeryneery on October 24th, 2008 03:47 pm (UTC)
The first time I saw pictures of a birth pretty much convinced me to get a cesarean. WTF THAT'S HORRIFYING NO ONE'S ALLOWED TO DO THAT TO MY VAG!
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Bands PATD Ryan rainbowscoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:46 am (UTC)
C/S are nearly as bad though. You can't drive for six weeks!
Neeryneery on November 11th, 2008 08:50 pm (UTC)
You can't drive? That seems like a really random restriction. All you need for driving is to be able to sit up with the help of a backrest and move your arms!
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: Candy lipsscoradh on November 11th, 2008 08:53 pm (UTC)
I think possibly the sitting up part might be the problem? :[
Neeryneery on November 11th, 2008 08:58 pm (UTC)
Maybe if things go really, really wrong, but I've never met anyone who couldn't sit up for six weeks after a C/S. That seems like the kind of thing one would hear about!
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: kissing legsscoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:04 pm (UTC)
I wish I could remember my source for that info, now!
cordelia_vcordelia_v on October 24th, 2008 04:04 pm (UTC)
Hmmm. I'm moved to chime in here. Whether one has an epidural is driven by many things, including and esp. the size and position of the baby. I had a seriously large one, because my first child weighed 9 lb.s, 15 oz. and she was not going to come out, otherwise. I did not have an epidural with that one.

The agony of labor is simply indescribable: there are no words in the English language for the pain of childbirth, esp. the first time. My voice was hoarse for days afterwards, I screamed for so many hours during labor. There is a reason why it is legendary for pain, in many literary and cinema depictions.

My second child was born after only three hours labor, and I had an epidural that time. And no episiotomy that time, btw.

Anethesia is a gift from God. No one talks about "natural tooth extraction" or "natural open heart surgery," you'll notice. The propaganda re "natural childbirth" is bemusing, for me. Every case is different, and I can imagine very easy births (esp. not first births) where the pain is manageable and it's not worth doing the epidural. But for many, many women they are simply a blessing.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: bands: CS+TAI: stripey hoodie Gabescoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:47 am (UTC)
Oh, I'm not saying they're not a good thing in certain cases or that they should be taken off the agenda. I'm just saying that in my case, it'd be a very last resort. And there are different blocks that can be done, not to mention nitric oxide. In fact, what I think the world needs is a BETTER form of pain relief in labour, one that doesn't leave you paralysed for hours afterwards.
(Anonymous) on October 24th, 2008 04:27 pm (UTC)
I was determined not to have an epidural because I was really scared of them - horror stories about being permanently paralysed or the wrong half of you being paralysed and stopping breathing. But then OH MY GOD THE PAIN! So I changed my mind. And then it only worked down one side! Still, the side it worked on it was mega. So agree with whoever said you wouldn't have a 'natural' appendectomy.
(Deleted comment)
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: fishscoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:48 am (UTC)
\O/!
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every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: Coloured pencilsscoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:49 am (UTC)
That's the main problem with epis: they slow the second stage of labour, they reduce the urge to push, therefore there's more chance of both damage to mom and problems with the baby. Meh. Nothing is perfect! (And I'm glad to hear the 'forgetting the pain' part isn't a myth...)
(Deleted comment)
karadin on October 24th, 2008 05:21 pm (UTC)
The first time I gave birth was difficult as I wasn't going with the contractions, and the doctors left the room for a bit with a trainee nurse left, I was struggling a bit and she looked at me and said 'push?' and I thought ARE YOU KIDDING???

Then, push, tear, out, yay instant weight loss of 30 lbs.

Second child, I knew he was coming, drove myself to hospital with contractions - not yay, was dilated to 7 on arrival.

Helpful nurse 'Drugs?' Me 'Fuck ya"

and 20 min later, he's out and I am never never never doing that again, ever.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: Pretty shoesscoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:49 am (UTC)
Well, two is plenty! My mom would agree. :D
Kristinbicrim on October 24th, 2008 06:43 pm (UTC)
I just gave birth to my second, at home, totally naturally. It was awesome--pushed a 9lb, 5oz baby out in 12 minutes, not a single tear. The secret? At home, in a squatting position, no meds, a midwives care. Birth is awesome when done the way nature intended it to be.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: bands Cobra Vicky-Tscoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:51 am (UTC)
Obviously as a med I would be too scared to follow your example ... all we learn about is when things go wrong! The problem is that when you come into hospital they won't let you go again because, basically, once something is seen it can't be unseen. So all the first-timers who come in 1cm dilated then complain they were induced, well. THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE COME IN SO EARLY. The hospital isn't about to let them toddle off home in case they get chorioamniotitis or something. There's a reason obstetrics have such high insurance rates, after all - it gets sued the most.
Sereniaserenia on October 24th, 2008 10:51 pm (UTC)
My mum greatly regretted having epidurals with my sister and I. She said she felt like she didn't really get to experience birth. She had to have it, though, because of her super-high blood pressure. Hopefully she felt like she experienced it when I had her in the room with me when I gave birth!

... and yeah. It's embarrassing, but something like 80% of women end up crapping when giving birth. I was determined not to be one of them, but it's hard when you can't really feel what you're pushing against at the start!
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: Converse kissscoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:52 am (UTC)
Once upon a time it was standard to give labouring women enemas. I think I might request one, if the time ever comes. And yeah, I imagine birth is somewhat nicer to experience from the outside!
Sereniaserenia on November 11th, 2008 10:02 am (UTC)
I'd heard that. I think I'd be just as embarrassed having an enema, to be honest!
Can't wait until we have the technology to teleport babies out of the womb. XD
Online I'm a Giant: fat sad queenparthenia14 on October 25th, 2008 12:30 am (UTC)
Hmmm. I still remember the medical student in my 2nd labour who got sent to take my blood pressure, which he tried so ineptly that I think I growled at him. Literally. I had a Walkman with about 20 intricate punks songs on it, to distract me from the matter in hand.

At the point of labour there could have been a football team in there and I wouldn't have noticed. Gas&air & me = OTP. But yes, gravity was my friend. I pretty much stood up through both of them...

...I'm sorry yes I am compelled to relate every mindnumbing detail about childbirth whether wanted or not. LOL.

It's amazing though. Baby. Comes out.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Bands: FOB Pete floweryscoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:53 am (UTC)
lol, well, at least I can take blood pressures with some expertise!

No, your way sounds like my way would be, as long as I can maintain a high pain threshold. Which I don't think I have, BUT STILL.
(Deleted comment)
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Bands: Katy Perry banglesscoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:54 am (UTC)
Sure, if she's well informed of the disadvantages as well as the advantages of said course of action. Most aren't, like the too posh to push lot.

No, I'm sure I would have mentioned it.
(Deleted comment)
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Bands: FOB Patrick and Troh floweryscoradh on November 11th, 2008 07:14 pm (UTC)
No, I want to be the healthcare professional who tells the woman all that during her antenatal clinics.

They look the same. Plus, verification from plenty of women who've gone through it.
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amazing vaguely humanoid armadilloperson: Eeeeeeeeeeeeecryptid on October 25th, 2008 03:15 am (UTC)
I feel the urge to clap at you for being able to watch and not run away in abject terror. But then, I have Issues with the standard method of mammalian procreation. I want to give sweets and little plastic dinosaurs to the people who helped develop good, working birth control methods (and who still work on improving them); it makes me think my body a lot less loathsome and treacherous a thing than I would otherwise. Yay, science! :D

(Obviously, I mean no offense to anyone who does feel that giving birth is beautiful, rewarding, etc; I'm sure it is all that for some people. :) It's just not for everyone.)
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: daisiesscoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:55 am (UTC)
I think, fortunately, that most people who give birth expect it to be rewarding and so it is. You'd be amazed at the amount of people who think seeing their baby on ultrasound is miraculous. I'm hard pushed not to think so too, even though logically it's no more amazing than seeing an echocardiogram or something.
dirtylaugh: toiletdirtylaugh on October 25th, 2008 08:39 am (UTC)
You should have applauded.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: realityscoradh on November 11th, 2008 09:56 am (UTC)
The dad saw me on the point of it and gave me a weird look, so.