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20 December 2004 @ 07:17 pm
Real life sucks  

My best friend's mother died today.

It was just about the start of the course when they found out she had kidney cancer, and they didn't expect it would be long. Mary's been amazingly fine about it. She is an extremely pragmatic person. I would be distraught, but then I am selfish and given to melodramatics.

It's just such a horrible time for it to happen, too. Obviously, having someone close to you die at any time of the year is traumatic. But when you're nineteen, and it's four days before Christmas and your mother's dead...that must hit really hard. Imagine Mary suffering through the Yuletide now, burying her mother in fact, no time to even deal with it before the 'first Christmas without my mother' hits them.

I imagine I'll be going to the removal tomorrow or the next day. I wouldn't think of not going, but I hate funerals with a passion. Removals are even worse. I think it's so grotesque, standing around staring at a corpse in an open coffin. But of course, it's important to people. Their last farewell.

The worst thing about it is that I'm sitting here eating chocolate and thinking about fanfiction. I feel so tremendously guilty that my life is going on as usual, but Mary's will  never be the same again. My mother and I, who'd been having the mummy and daddy of rows since Sunday, made up when I told her. It's stupid to argue when you think you could be dead, just like that.

Christmas is meant to be a time of, well, joy and happiness and good will amongst humankind. And people still die and still argue and are still unhappy. It's a sobering thought, and if Christ thought he was achieving anything by being born, I, for one, don't think he did.

 
 
Current Mood: sadsad
 
 
 
coppala on December 20th, 2004 11:33 am (UTC)
I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. I'm just sorry for both you and your friend. *hugs*
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on December 20th, 2004 11:37 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks. I feel angry more than sad. Mary doesn't deserve this. *broods*

...Maybe there is a better place, and her mother is there now.
gabbysun on December 20th, 2004 11:49 am (UTC)
Oh, crap, that sucks. I'm so sorry . . . I'll keep you guys in my thoughts, mmkay?

*hug0rz*
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on December 20th, 2004 12:14 pm (UTC)
It relly does. And that's what I told her.

Sorry to angst on your flist, btw. xD
gabbysun on December 24th, 2004 11:29 pm (UTC)
:)

Psh! I should think since this is your journal you have the right to do whatever. ;D After all, if I really didn't like you I could unfriend you easily. But it's no problem, seriously.
My imaginary friend thinks I'm brilliant.lanitha on December 20th, 2004 12:16 pm (UTC)
I'm very sorry for your friends' loss. I can totally understand that you are angry right now and yet thinking about other things as well. Don't feel bad about that; it's just how it works.

I think Mary hasn't fully realized it yet. She has probably been so preoccupied with seeing her mother getting more and more ill, and preparing herself for the worst, that now that the time is here, she can't even feel the blow fully yet.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on December 20th, 2004 12:20 pm (UTC)
I know. I've read so many books that from a third-person perspective I know.

I still feel guilty.

You sound right there! Oh, god. When it hits her for real...*winces* It's going to be, just, yucky. And awful.

Oh, dear. *takes angst away for chocolate*

Thank you, btw.
Caitcoralia13 on December 20th, 2004 01:23 pm (UTC)
I am so terribly sorry to hear about your friend's mom. What a horrible thing to have happen at any time, especially this one. Don't feel guilty about the chocolate and fanfiction. We all have different ways to comfort ourselves in times like this. There's nothing wrong with your way. I hope things feel better for you, and for Mary, very soon.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on December 20th, 2004 02:40 pm (UTC)
I just keep thinking how horrible her Christmas is going to be now...not that it was ever going to be that great, with her mum sick and everything. And I use fanfic as an escape from everything...I only wish Mary had something the same.

Thank you, dear. xD
Earth-Bound Misfit: Woostersmithy161 on December 20th, 2004 01:48 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear that >.<

"if Christ thought he was achieving anything by being born, I, for one, don't think he did."
~ I know it's not a lot of comfort, especially if you or your friend are atheists, but by being born (and particularly by dying) he ensured your friend's mother would have a place in Heaven.
I hope that means something to you =/
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on December 20th, 2004 02:42 pm (UTC)
Thanks. :)

I'm an atheist, but Mary is actually a pretty strong Catholic, and I reckon her mum was too. And I do think that if there's a good place her mother should be there RIGHT NOW. Hopefully it will be of some comfort to them.
Insufferable, man.cynicalpirate on December 21st, 2004 01:33 am (UTC)
Mary's been amazingly fine about it.

Your poor friend. Is she really fine, or is she just putting a brave face on things? I can't imagine anything like that happening to me. It's awful.

I really hope that despite things, both of you manage to have a nice Christmas.

And I also hope that some absolutely fucking amazing occurence is coming along very soon to make up for the shit.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on December 21st, 2004 02:18 pm (UTC)
Brave face, I think. I saw her today and she looked broken. It was awful.

This amazing fucking occurence deserves to come to Mary, anyway. My live is pretty okay. *glomps*
amazing vaguely humanoid armadillopersoncryptid on December 21st, 2004 02:16 am (UTC)
I'm really sorry to hear about this. It'd be awful any time of year, of course, but that it happened right before Christmas makes it just a little bit worse. I imagine that it would have meant a lot to them if they'd just had the chance to celebrate one last Christmas together, even if it wouldn't have been to cheerful anyway... :(

Hope you'll be fine, both of you.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on December 21st, 2004 02:18 pm (UTC)
That's exactly what I was thinking - it'd be what anyone would want.

Thanks. :)