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06 March 2011 @ 10:29 pm
-______-  
God, you guys, all this chat about old HP BNFs and stuff has stirred up so much nostalgia for me. I remember a time when my biggest, no lie, ambition in life was to have a friendslist of over 500 people. And ... I really have no idea why. Safety in numbers, maybe? I know that, by the time I achieved it, I'd lost all interest in it as an ambition. Which is a little sad, really.

Right now I just want to be less tired so that I can write. I try to write in work, but they will insist on making me, y'know, work. And while I actually got to sleep on call this weekend, it doesn't change the fact that I spent 26 consecutive hours at work, which in turn deletes 26 hours from my free time that I could have spent writing (or faffing about getting into the mood to write, whatever). I just vant to be ALONE, okay?!

Additionally, the 3000 words I produced at work on Friday turned out to be ABSOLUTELY USELESS, which either proves that I'm getting more alert to when I'm writing myself into a dead end or that I shouldn't write at work.
 
 
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
 
 
 
Sereniaserenia on March 6th, 2011 11:26 pm (UTC)
I can't believe it's been three years since I've written anything! It depresses me sometimes, but I just don't seem to have it in me anymore. Motherhood has sucked everything out of me except housework!
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: bands PATD Ryan's geetarscoradh on March 7th, 2011 09:52 am (UTC)
I can't even visualise the amount of unselfishness it would take to raise a child, let alone apply it to myself!
Sereniaserenia on March 7th, 2011 11:23 am (UTC)
Sometimes I feel too selfish to be a mum! Especially when it comes to wanting time to myself. And despite having a deal with Lachlan that we take turns to sleep in on the weekend, I end up throwing both kids at him and booting them all downstairs both days!

I could sleep for a week solid!
Blindmouseblindmouse on March 7th, 2011 07:11 am (UTC)
I'm glad your pay got sorted, and that you have a plan, but ugh, being too tired to write is the worst. Sympathy :|

I haven't heard any old HP BNF chat. Is it an interesting conversation?
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: collapsingnight: guitar tshirtscoradh on March 7th, 2011 09:53 am (UTC)
(Just once I'd like to wake up and not be tired. But that's more a symptom of 'waaahhhh don't want to go to work and do this job' than 'oh, the exhaustion'.)

Oh, just raking over old CC coals. You know she's getting a movie made of her book? It stirred up a lot of ... feeling, shall we say. :P
Blindmouseblindmouse on March 7th, 2011 11:27 am (UTC)
Oh, right. I tend to be automatically on the side of whoever's getting hated on in this kind of fandom controversy, particularly if I had no personal involvement/investment in it when it went down, so I'm pleased for her :)

I hope you get to wake up not tired some day soon... :(
lokifanlokifan on March 7th, 2011 07:58 am (UTC)
Jesus, that's a lot of work! :(

At least you've got past the 500-flist ambition. I mean, that's growth, yeah?
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Fooish: rainbow umbrellascoradh on March 7th, 2011 09:54 am (UTC)
That's a short shift. On call during the week it runs into 32, 35 hours.

I guess? I mean, I can't even recapture why I wanted it. I wonder in five years' time will I wonder why I wanted to finish a book? Or leave medicine?
l.m.: pic#108197692incandescent on March 7th, 2011 01:26 pm (UTC)
That used to be my ambition as well, and right now I'm feeling that smaller is better. Much, much better.

And oh, your schedule! Is that ever going to change? I hope that it will, if only for your own sanity. It sounds really difficult, and while I'm amazingly impressed with you for being able to work like that, I'm also a bit worried for you. I mean. 26 hours is a LONG time and has the equivalent of being rather more than tipsy on the judgement scale (which I've heard somewhere, I have).

I think you shouldn't write at work is that conclusion we need to come to. *hug*
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Disney: Lion King pink skyscoradh on March 9th, 2011 11:12 am (UTC)
The funny thing is that I'm sure there were more posts when my flist sat at 100. Blogging/fandom really has slowed down.

Nope! It's only going to get worse for the next two months, as I'm going to a small peripheral hospital where I'll be on call (read: in the hospital for 32 hours) every four nights, and doing a 50+ hour weekend shift every second weekend.

As for tipsy, no kidding! We all recognise that being post-call is no different to being drunk. You laugh silly, cry easily, are impatient and irritable and most of all, tired. As for judgement calls, well...
(Deleted comment)
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: iconomicons the top half goes in the closcoradh on March 9th, 2011 11:14 am (UTC)
Sadly I just have to sacrifice hours I'd otherwise by sleeping and cooking in to write. I don't mind, I just resent my actual work more and more.