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28 January 2005 @ 10:51 pm
Charms to soothe a savage beast  

My piano lessons beggar belief. In fact, they mug it, beat its head in with a blunt instrument and leave it bleeding in a gutter after running off with its credit cards to buy out the stock of Waterstones.

MAIREAD THE FREAK: Omigod, my student, like, I asked him, like, to say the left-hand spaces and he was, like, 'All Cows Eat Grain'!

PEARL THE TEACHER: It's the farming background. At least grain begins with G, like grass. One student I had kept saying 'All Cows Eat Nuts!' There's no N on the keyboard!

PEARL AND MAIREAD: *laugh like drains*

ME: *stares in fear*

PEARL: Also, some kids say 'Gay Byrne Drives Ferraris Always' instead of 'Gay Byrne Drives Fast Always'.

ME: I say 'Great Big Dogs Frighten Auntie'.

PEARL AND MAIREAD: *stare*

MAIREAD: How did you, like, remember that?

ME: She wore a purple dress, and they were Alsations. This was when my teacher was Alice with the wrinkly tights.

MAIREAD: *buggers off*

ME: *praises random deities*

PEARL: I'm going to make you play ALL your four-octave staccatto scales, in revenge for the bad playing you have inflicted on me oh so many times in the past.

ME: *wibbles and plays. gets it wrong repeatedly, and this is like C major*

PEARL: Ahh. *grins like the psychotic horse-obsessed manic she is*

ME: This must hurt you as much as it does me.

PEARL: *hears another wrong note* Perhaps. And I have to take your brother's lesson next, and I have a stomach ache.

ME: Buy some antacid.

PEARL: The chemist is closed!

ME: So? Get it tomorrow //you freaking hypocondriac//.

PEARL: I could be dead by then.

ME: We'll bury you cheap.

PEARL: I grow exceedingly frightened for whoever it is that ends up marrying out.

ME: Oh, you've joined my father's 'Pity-Rachel's-Future-Husband' club, have you?

She then sent me off to practice (huh! as if) in the back room. I read my book. (I bring one everywhere, of course.) Later -

PEARL: So, get a lot of practice and improvement done?

ME: Oh, savage, yeah.

Look, I can play Titanic, okay? I have skill. A skill. Or at least a poor relation of a skill, who always gets given five euro gift vouchers to Spar at Christmas and drives a 1984 Fiesta.

 
 
Current Mood: naughtynaughty
Current Music: 'My Beloved Monster', Eels
 
 
 
gabbysun on January 28th, 2005 05:09 pm (UTC)
Hey, C Major is a hard scale to play; there're no black keys to help you out when you're placing your fingers. ;D

And I love your little anagram . . . ish things. xD They're great.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on January 29th, 2005 02:28 pm (UTC)
Ho, that's a good one! I must so try that on Pearl the next day.

Are yours different? Our are like FACE, All cows eat grass, every good boy drives ferraris and gay byrne drives fast always, but they're even different from the ones I learned in Australia. Cultural!
gabbysun on January 29th, 2005 06:16 pm (UTC)
;D Hey, it's true.

Ours are the same, I think . . . I don't think about the order of the notes that much. xD;
(no subject) - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 10:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - gabbysun on January 30th, 2005 08:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 31st, 2005 10:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - gabbysun on January 31st, 2005 01:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Insufferable, man.: buying timecynicalpirate on January 29th, 2005 02:13 am (UTC)
You think that's bad? This is how my one-on-one piano lessons go...

TEACHER: I wonder how much you weigh.

ME: ...

TEACHER: I saw your dad picking you up. Here, let me try and pick you up.

ME: ... *reluctantly allows self to be picked up*

TEACHER: You're heavier than you look.

ME: Scales now? Please?

and

Once she slapped my thighs in time to the music to help me keep time.

Jesus, it does sound weird when I tell other people about it.
Caitcoralia13 on January 29th, 2005 12:05 pm (UTC)
I laughed for about ten minutes when I read that first part, and I have a really anoying laugh. I think all my hall-mates are pissed at me, but it was so worth it!
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on January 29th, 2005 02:30 pm (UTC)
I'm like Cait, I was there snorting! The way you just said 'oh, she picked me up' like it was a normal thing to do...

...mind you, all piano teachers have to take an insanity test. Otherwise, I'd never have been able to do it.

Pearl is great. Get her talking about horses, or marriage and how people over 30 have to get married (she's 35 and HAS TO BE a lesbian) and she actually forgets about teaching me. Sadly, not last night.
Minnowminnow_53 on January 29th, 2005 10:37 am (UTC)
This slash fanfic thing is getting to me now: I read that as 'buggers belief.' Just thought I'd share. Ow.
gabbysun on January 29th, 2005 01:13 pm (UTC)
I DID TOO! *waves slash banner*
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on January 29th, 2005 02:31 pm (UTC)
*admires very excellent and purtyful banner*
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on January 29th, 2005 02:31 pm (UTC)
*facepalm* Hell, I can't even see the word slash nowadays without sniggering. I think people get scared when I start singing 'I want to take you to a gay bar' at pretty boys...

...okay, I don't actually do that, but I've thought about it, believe me.
Minnowminnow_53 on January 29th, 2005 02:52 pm (UTC)
Did you see the pretty boys on remusxsirius earlier? Should still be on p. 1. Everyone posted pictures of their ideal Sirius and Remus, and some of those guys are really, really hot. You need to scoot along and have a look, if you haven't already. ^_^
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on January 29th, 2005 03:10 pm (UTC)
Ooh, it's taking an age to download...but the first two Remuses! *licks lips* Should I know Robert Shwatzman from somewhere? He looks familiar?

James Marsden as Sirius and Beck as Remus...whoever they are, rock on! I like! Especially the James guy. EXACTLY how I think S should look.

Also this Jeff Buckley person. And this Ian Somhalder person. Who ARE these people? Why have they not come onto my pretty radius before now?

Woah, I think fanfic comms are a bad idea, really. You don't get the coverage of sites, or something, particularly if a lot of people update at once!
(no subject) - minnow_53 on January 29th, 2005 03:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 29th, 2005 03:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - minnow_53 on January 29th, 2005 03:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 29th, 2005 03:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - minnow_53 on January 29th, 2005 04:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 29th, 2005 04:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - minnow_53 on January 29th, 2005 04:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Caitcoralia13 on January 29th, 2005 12:03 pm (UTC)
Ayayay! Thank goodness I left piano in the dust LONG ago. And the alto sax. What was I THINKING?
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on January 29th, 2005 02:32 pm (UTC)
Thinking how cool it would be for people to say 'Oh, play me D minor chromatic contrary motion!'

BUT WAIT. They don't actually do that, d'oh.

...piano wrecks my head.
Caitcoralia13 on January 29th, 2005 10:45 pm (UTC)
Ok, I am still enjoying cynicalpirate's story about her piano teacher asking to pick her up. WTF?
(no subject) - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 10:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - coralia13 on January 30th, 2005 08:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 31st, 2005 10:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - coralia13 on January 31st, 2005 07:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)