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20 February 2005 @ 10:35 pm
Dave Fanning is a sellout. SELL.OUT.  

Dear Style magazine,

Bring back AA Gill.

Bring him back now.

No, I don't particularly care if he's on holiday/spending time with his family/ill/dying. Nothing's stopping him picking up an auld biro and penning a few lines for my - yes, my, because I am the most important person in the world ever TM - amusement.

It's not like he even has to visit a restaurant. Because he only ever writes about a paragraph, tops, on food in his restaurant review and frankly, I don't think anyone would care if he left out the nutritive element entirely.

I wouldn't.

And Jeremy Clarkson is a tool. A TOOL, I SAY.

Regards,

Me.

*~*

I am pleased. New research shows that, despite being force-fed the language in schools from the age of minus three, more Irish people can speak Chinese than they can Irish.

The Panel is over! *sobs wildly* But it's memory - and that of The King of Ireland (Andrew Maxwell) will live on.

'I think we should be cherishing the old people. If a woman reaches the age of ninety-nine, she should be celebrated. We should stick a flake in her hair, throw sprinkles all around her and let the children of Ireland lick her.'

 

 
 
Current Mood: hyperhyper
Current Music: 'Life is a Flower', Ace of Base
 
 
 
henbock on February 21st, 2005 12:48 am (UTC)
My future employment!
Hi I need you to do me a favour. Can you get me the address and the name of the person I should apply to in the hospital that your mother works in Im looking for catering work or any kind for that matter. Please reply asap. So hows things I cant go out for paddys day cos Im might be going to belfast for the wknd and I cant drink before it. Hows gettin over tony!!
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on February 21st, 2005 03:14 pm (UTC)
Re: My future employment!
You write to my mother at Fermoy Hospital...I'll get you the name, I think its the Community Hospital. All attendants do the same work and that's what you're applying for; warning, though, she isn't sure if there's vacancies and she won't know till May. I reckon though send it in and if there's work she will give it.
henbock on February 22nd, 2005 12:42 am (UTC)
Re: My future employment!
If there isnt Ill get a jog somewhere else and tell her theres no pressure to give me a job. If theres someone better fior the job they should get it ok so tell her its intirely up to her. So hows your job hunting going? I really fancy this guy in my curse and hes actually a nice guy even youd agree. Hes cute (by my standards), mature, funny and got a hairy chest. Hes perfect. I wont say his name cos this could be intercepted.HAHA. You allset for paddys Day.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on February 22nd, 2005 02:39 pm (UTC)
Re: My future employment!
1. My mum'd give you a job if there was one. Pretty certain.

2. I HATE HAIRY CHESTS. EWIE.

3. I have to be in the PARADE. Speak not to me of that evil.
Insufferable, man.: procrastinatecynicalpirate on February 21st, 2005 09:52 am (UTC)
Men should never wear cardies.
I agree! And this week they didn't even write 'AA Gill is away'. So, without the disclaimer, there is no excuse for the Clarkson. No bloody excuse at all. Although, admittedly, he wasn't that bad at the reviewing thing.

Was he being snarky, though, when he said 'AA Gill would have taken Elle McPhereson and the Pope'? I couldn't quite tell. But if so I will castrate him with a rusty spoon.

I heart David Walliams though.

And didn't the Men Issue read like 'Androgyny Today'? Seriously, they're all such girls. Not that I'm complaining (much). But they're effeminate in the extreme.

Big girls' blouses.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Village idiotscoradh on February 22nd, 2005 09:09 am (UTC)
Re: Men should never wear cardies.
Obviously the guy is a git who has a GREAT HUGE canker of envy for the Gill. Who wouldn't?

I agree, the boys were TOO pretty, and there was no eyeliner to be seen. No cookie.

But the part about male orgasms I intend to blatantly rip off use for harmless inspiration. So informative!!
Insufferable, man.: woodcynicalpirate on February 22nd, 2005 09:50 am (UTC)
Re: Men should never wear cardies.
Who wouldn't?

Um. The Gill's clone? Wait, I get it now, it was rhetorical...

I always suspected that about male orgasms. Ha. I mean, they're never exactly described as being in the throes of ecstasy, are they?

Not that I would know as I have NEVER READ PORN BEFORE, EVER.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Why to livescoradh on February 22nd, 2005 02:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Men should never wear cardies.
No, we get all the ecstasy. *is smug* I particularly liked the 'itching' description...

No, no, nor I. Never.
Lord Marmaduke Newbrycatsmeat on February 21st, 2005 02:12 pm (UTC)
So, so positive of you.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Way with wordsscoradh on February 22nd, 2005 09:07 am (UTC)
Yeah, totally! I originally planned to threaten garrotting by toothbrush if they didn't comply.
Lord Marmaduke Newbrycatsmeat on February 22nd, 2005 09:13 am (UTC)
If you want to be dental about it, use floss.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Bellescoradh on February 22nd, 2005 03:01 pm (UTC)
Good call.

Or those horrible whirring machines. *shudders*
Lord Marmaduke Newbrycatsmeat on February 23rd, 2005 03:47 am (UTC)
drills? Abrasive whatsits? Be specific!
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on February 23rd, 2005 03:04 pm (UTC)
You wanna start? I had braces for FOUR YEARS.

Drills.

Electric teeth cleaners.

Things holding your mouth open when they stuff putty in your gob.

Wire clippers.

Brace tighteners.

Did I mention drills?

Lord Marmaduke Newbrycatsmeat on February 26th, 2005 04:18 am (UTC)
Eugh, the putty tastes foul. And I have the worlds most amusing gag reflex.

I too, had braces for years.

My fondest memory was when I projectile vomited all over the cute nurse.
Caitcoralia13 on February 23rd, 2005 09:32 am (UTC)
Your life is weirder than mine. I like it.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: shitscoradh on February 23rd, 2005 02:17 pm (UTC)
*makes a face*

You know, the sad thing is my life is actually depressingly ordinary.

I forgot to answer your other question - St Patrick's Day Parade. Bit of a big deal, y'know? xD
Caitcoralia13 on February 23rd, 2005 08:54 pm (UTC)
Ah, yes, yes, St. Patrick's Day. You'll have to tell me more about your fun parade.
Basically my St. Patrick's Day involves getting a greeting card from my Grandma, who is very proud of our small amount of Irish heritage.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on February 24th, 2005 01:59 pm (UTC)
FUN? HA! NOT!

Here it is yet another excuse for - what else? - a massive piss up. They do print cards, but I don't know who for - nobody sends Paddy's day cards here. *shrugs*
Caitcoralia13 on February 25th, 2005 10:03 am (UTC)
I am adding "massive piss up" to my list of terms to use while abroad. Glorious.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Suesscoradh on February 25th, 2005 03:20 pm (UTC)
You cannot be telling me you don't use that term!!
Caitcoralia13 on February 27th, 2005 01:22 am (UTC)
We don't use the term "pissed" to describe inebriation in this country. In the U.S., "pissed" is either "peed" or "angry".
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on February 27th, 2005 01:30 pm (UTC)
We say that too, but we'd add 'off'. Culture divide!!
Caitcoralia13 on February 27th, 2005 06:11 pm (UTC)
Yeah, we started with "pissed off", and still do say that, but we often shorten it down to just "pissed". Not really an option for you guys, however.

In other news, I have recently been alerted to the fact that I use quotation marks incorrectly. For example, my above usage of quotation marks and punctuation was INCORRECT. I should have written, "...started with "pissed off," and still..." and "...to just "pissed."" How retarded is that? Apparently that's the American way to do it, but it just looks dumb. I told my friend Laura that and she got angry with me. I can only share my outrage with you, my cleverly-punctuating friend. I guess this is Reason #673 Why Caitlin Must Move To Britain.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: I'm not madscoradh on March 1st, 2005 03:13 pm (UTC)
That was so confusing...Man, I'm lost! You have to ... oh man. I abuse commas. We shouldn't be discussing this without my therapist present. *g* Now, I just have to get one...
Caitcoralia13 on March 1st, 2005 04:48 pm (UTC)
I am sorry to confuse you. Does this make it clearer?:

American:
I really like the poem "Rime of the Ancient Mariner," but I dislike "Kubla Khan."

British:
I really like the poem "Rime of the Ancient Mariner", but I dislike "Kubla Khan".

Clearly, only the latter makes any sense at all. Why would people mess with this system??
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on March 2nd, 2005 03:00 pm (UTC)
Yes, it does.

And no, the American way is freaky shit. I don't like it. It looks like dialogue gone frightfully wrong.

You are so British really. xD
Caitcoralia13 on March 2nd, 2005 08:31 pm (UTC)
It's so freaking DUMB!! Like, why would you quote the comma or the period when they are not part of what you are quoting??? Isn't that mis-quoting? Isn't that BAD??? I have to force myself to do it now that I know. I hate it. I feel like I am betraying my (British) soul. I need to move.