?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
13 September 2004 @ 11:24 pm
Why have brick when you can have candyfloss?  

I know most of my posts are astronomically long. This is due to my propensity to ramble at length about nothing in particular. LJ cuts have been provided, little use though they are really...

Have finally filled in gabbysun's quiz, late of course, because of my irrefutable thoughlessness. So here goes:

THE RULES!
1 -- Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 -- I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 -- You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 -- You'll include this explanation.
5 -- You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

1. In the end, would world domination really be worth it? Of course. I mean, me ruling the world? It doesn’t get better than that. I heart benevolent dictatorship.
2. How far does your personal comfort zone extend? Several thousand feet, encompassing at least three continents and a couple of time zones. Move ova, biotches! This is mah deckchair/world!
3. What is the first thing you notice about someone? Their hands.
4. How old are you physically? How old (or 'mature') do you feel mentally? Physically: Eighteen years, four months, seventeen days, nine hours and some minutes. Mentally, about five and a half. I have never, ever been mature. *shudders*
5. Have you ever asked Jeeves? But of course. He’s the best character in PG Wodehouse. Sadly, he refused to find me porn, so I had to go find the Harry Potter fandom all on my own.

Going through old files and diaries because I have too much time on my hands. I came across this little gem! I really am a Suethor! Or at least I was. At the age of fourteen, anyway. (And man, my diaries from then are a platform of angst and a total wank-fest. I had a miserable time at that age, fortunately can barely remember a single thing about it.)

 

Not yet awake, Adella smiled in her sleep, remembering the night before [She can remember things in her sleep. My, my. Sue-powers manifest early on in this.]. She had danced five dances with the Duke of Rasecar [Racecar?!!?] and he had been the epitome of courtly attention. With his pale, translucent skin, watery blue eyes and floppy black hair, he was also the image of what passed for [a glass of water disguised as a person] the male ideal in Panaria.

She came awake slowly as the mid-morning sunlight streamed through the open rush blinds. Adella had not seen the dawn for ten years, not since she had been presented at the Crystal Court [oh, gods] at the age of fourteen [so she’s twenty-four. That’s really OLD for a Sue! *smacks self upside head* D’oh, I stoopid] and begun the incessant whirl of parties, feasts, banquets and numerous other Royal festivities that had not ceased since then [proofreading? What is this evil of which you speak, future self? There are some things a Sue should not wot of…].

She stood up out of bed [], brushing back her hair from where it had become entangled with a fall of Adagimo silk on the front of her cloth-of-silver nightdress. [I was a good little Sue. More clothing descriptions, over-the-top and extensive, feature in the following.] She slipped into a watered silk dressing gown fastened with winking opals the size of her thumbnail [I have no idea why I thought that would be a smart sartorial move for her]. She then sat down to a light breakfast of whipped cream on compote of pear, three boiled quails’ eggs, drinking chocolate in her initialled silver tankard, [wtf?…Where I am going with a bell on my bike? I’ve never eaten any of this crap!] topped off with thick slices of the highly expensive black bread of the Sangrials slathered with honey [I wish I could say that I actually set out to be ironic here. Sadly such a reprieve would be far from honest.]

Such was the lifestyle of [wait for it!] Her Imperial Highness Princess Adella Naitheen Swenal Carnida [*cries*], third in line for the Crystal Throne that bound the wildly differing city and sea states of Panaria, Peshia, Polonia, Asmos and Dempti [I think pashminas were in fashion then. It shows. Robert Jordan, eat your heart out] together in peace and trade by the silken cords of sentiment for their in-bred and arrogant Imperial Family [full stops? Sentence breaks? Run on lines? And they are?].

Adella yawned as a timid knock at the door signalled the entry of her seven personal attendants whose sole job was to dress her for the day, often several times. The fashion in the Coastal Alliances was for layer upon layer of the richest fabrics - Adagimo silk, Qhoan lace, Peshian water-shot silk - over stiff crocheted underskirts for the women, with a short bolero jacket, and for the men, the same but shorter [and imagine, I’d never heard of bishounen, or indeed the word ‘androgynous’, at this point. Freaky]. As a princess of the blood of the Carnida [candida…] family, Adella’s outfits were always required to be more extravagant and ridiculous than anyone else’s in the Alliance. Therefore outfitting her took the best part of an hour, if not more. [So this pampered inbreed was gonna be chucked into a rough-it adventure with a *real* man and come back self-sufficient and brave. Or, if we want to be realistic about her future, dead.]

Finally, she decided she was ready, if not pleased with her appearance. Adella, a tall and rangy girl - for she was a girl [hey, dude, thanks for clearing THAT up! Because the nightdress and the flouncy frock et al didn’t give it away in the LEAST] - did not suit the times, which demanded short, plump, curly-haired women as their beauties. Adella’s [bony, horse-faced, plain, skinny] delicate, fine-boned features, determined square jaw and long poker straight hair [of course. Because at that time I couldn’t get my hair straight for love nor money, and ceramic straighteners hadn’t been invented] of an indefinite colour somewhere between brown and blonde, did not fit the bill. As always the determined attempts of her maids failed to make an impression of a wave in her fine, silky hair, and settled for binding two strands back from her temples at the back of her head with a mother-of-pearl wire [before twirling it around her neck and strangling her to death with it. ‘That’s another job well done,’ said one, throwing back her apron to reveal the crest of the Sisterhood’s hated enemy, the Realistic Rendition of Characters Task-Force.]

And finally, the latest on my damn-fool life and rather inexplicable family.

It’s official. I should not be allowed out in public with money. I just spent SEVENTY euro on books. Seventy euro, that, technically, I did not have, because aside from a bit of results dosh I have no money, and I’m hardly going to get anything ‘for starting college’ from the rellies, seeing as I’m not. The worst thing is, it was only THREE books. They are horrendously expensive here. Two of them cost twenty-nine euro. And I couldn’t get the nice hardback book on David Hockney, which had loads of big colour plates, because I couldn’t AFFORD to, and so had to content myself with a pocket-size black-and-white one. Hmph.

My father droned on for ages in the car about a fat women who cut out fat in her diet to lose weight, but couldn’t until she lost the carbs, mistaking me for someone who had the slightest interest. (As I subsist on pizza and chocolate, get vitamins by eating cod liver oil pills and whose idea of keeping healthy is to work off all the junk I eat on our running machine, I’m not a fan of nazi-style slimming programmes. IMO, you should stop yourself from getting fat in the first place). Anyway, in my house carbohydrates are now T EH EBIL, slipping in ahead of saturated fats.

ME: Soon they’ll declare war on proteins and then we won’t be able to eat anything.

He got all shirty with me after that and refused to turn the radio to the music station. Honestly. Parents.

My cousin in Australia, Rona, who got married in April this year is now preggers. Her sister was the same, they both got married at twenty-one and were pregnant within the year. Natalie is about twenty-four or five now, married since ‘99 with two kids. My grandmother better not be expecting grandkids out of me - I deeply doubt they’ll be along any time soon. If ever.

Ed Byrne is love.

 
 
Current Mood: recumbentrecumbent
Current Music: 'These Words', Natasha Beddingfield
 
 
 
The Light Snarktasticsnarkophagus on September 13th, 2004 04:14 pm (UTC)

Firstly, I'd love for you to interview me. I can't wait to see the questions.

Also, I sat here laughing my ass off at your commentary on your earlier writing. Somewhere in storage is the set of stories I wrote at age 11 for extra credit in class (can we say suck-up?), and I'd love to rip them apart now.

To steal a line from George Carlin, what the hell is it with declaring war on everything? If it's bad, someone has to declare war on it. That's exactly what will wind up happening to protein, I have no doubt. Any day now someone should be crucifying it for something.

every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on September 13th, 2004 04:31 pm (UTC)
Okay. I sat thinking for a very long time (five minutes).

Aw, here goes!

1) If you could choose one poem in the world that sums you up, what would it be?

2) You have a chance to meet one person from the past. Who is it, and why?

3) What do you think is more demeaning, pornography or predjudice?

4) If you were turned into a member of the opposite sex for a day, what would you do? (At least three points!)

5) Which is your favourite sin?

I know these aren't hilarious questions; but they have potential answers that are. xD.

There's no such thing as extra credit where I come from, but since I was about eight I can remember churning out Sues...then I went to high school and stopped writing until a couple of months before my major exams started, when I decided to take it up again! When I should have been studying! Wheee! Take 'em out and MST 'em. Tis great craic!

By someone - crucifying protien that is - odds on it'll be my dad.
high and mighty mansplaining robotrimestock on September 13th, 2004 07:28 pm (UTC)
1. Oooh! Oooh! Me! Me! Pick me!

2. *gigglesnort* If there's more of your Sue, I actually (in a rather masochistic way) want to read it. Especially if you continue to MST yourself. *grins*

3. According to the guy I took the class from, about 60-65% of your calories per day should be from carbs, although you should aim for complex carbs instead of, say, white bread. 20-25% should be from fats, which surprisingly leaves protein in the rear at about 15-20%. But then, saturated fats (and hydrogenated fats, too, not to mention trans fats) really are teh EBIL, so you should aim for, say, olive oil for a lot of that. But then, I love toast, so I would die if I attempted for whatever reason to go Atkins.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on September 14th, 2004 11:07 am (UTC)
For that particular Sue, I'm afraid that little burst of creativity just about did her in...that and the Task Force, I suppose. Alanna is my main Sue now. Except I know she's a Sue and that kind of negates it...erg, what am I saying? ...Hang on, I have ANOTHER one, I rememeber, Sara of the Nine Villages...I'll put it up and MST for your pleasure! Whatserface Candida is NOTHING to her..

I read something about Atkins in National Geographic and apparently its a really bad diet...they were all snide and wanted to look at his dead arteries. Whatever floats your boat, dearies.

And the quiz!!

1) If you could change just one thing about your physical appearance OR personality (not both), what would it be and why?

2) Who do you regard as the absolute worst (world-renowned) artist ever?

3) In what city/place would your ideal home be located?

4) Who was your favourite Babysitter in the Club, and why? (If you haven't read them, then...why?)

5) Leather or denim?

Enjoy! And call again for more horrendous Sue MSTing!!!!!! (please)
high and mighty mansplaining robotrimestock on September 14th, 2004 11:49 am (UTC)
Again... good for Atkins: lots of meat. Bad for Atkins (in my mind, anyway): no toast. Therefore, no Atkins. Will just eat lots of meat anyway. After all, if God didn't want us to eat animals, She wouldn't have made them out of meat. *grins*

And the quiz!! Indeed.

1. My boobies... they annoy me. Don't care what size they want to be, as long as they'll agree on one.

2. Probably the guy who did the "Virgin Mary With Elephant Shit" painting... that's not art. It's a statement; it'll make you think... but to me, art has beauty, and that has no beauty to it.

3. Scotland, probably. Good weather there, or at least the type I like. But I'm willing to consider Sweden as well, as in theory the weather isn't all that much different, and the politics are.

4. Prolly Claudia... she was funky, had interesting taste in jewelry, a love of chocolate approaching that of Remus Lupin's, and said "Oh my lord" a lot.

5. Leather. Not really any question. Although leather is not as good for jeans in most situations. But, say, a jacket? No question. Leather. Plus it smells better.

Mmm. Leather.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on September 14th, 2004 12:14 pm (UTC)
...

You haven't been to Scotland, have you?

Claudia was cool, too, but I think I wanted Dawn's hair.

I wish more modern artists thought like you. I wish I didn't have to study them. Or rather, pretend to think they're good when I DON'T think they're good. But, heh, such is life.

Leather...ON SOMEBODY ELSE, mm.
high and mighty mansplaining robotrimestock on September 15th, 2004 10:52 am (UTC)
... indeed.

Scotland... I like rain, and cold, and days when you see no sun. Hence, from the reports I've heard, I'd like Scottish weather.

It's been AGES since I've read the BSC, though.

*hugs* I'm sorry you have to praise the crap artists, dearie.

Leather in general is a good thing. On whoever's in first person (me, you, whatever), on third person... it's good. And I love the smell. I have a leather jacket, and I loveses it mightily.
(no subject) - scoradh on September 15th, 2004 11:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 16th, 2004 07:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 16th, 2004 12:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 16th, 2004 01:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 16th, 2004 01:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 17th, 2004 03:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 17th, 2004 06:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 17th, 2004 09:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 19th, 2004 04:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 21st, 2004 10:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 21st, 2004 11:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 22nd, 2004 11:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 22nd, 2004 12:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 17th, 2004 06:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 17th, 2004 09:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 19th, 2004 04:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 20th, 2004 11:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 20th, 2004 12:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 21st, 2004 10:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 21st, 2004 11:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 22nd, 2004 10:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 22nd, 2004 12:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
gabbysun on September 13th, 2004 08:10 pm (UTC)
'COS BRICKS CAN'T CLEAN YOUR TEETH AND GIVE YOU FRESH BREATH AS WELL AS CANDYFLOSS CAN.
OMG.

I AM TOTALLY MARRYING YOU RIGHT NOW.

Love the commentary. I should have liked to meet the fourteen year-old you. xD WE COULD'VE WRITTEN SUEFIC TOGETHER! *gaspstabtraitorousbrain*

Dude, you can never spend too much money on books. Okay, well, technically you can, but it's the principle that counts, right?

I can see it now. We human beings will be living on cardboard and water. And we will all be hooked up to life-support and get places by rolling around on the ground. And die early, therefore freeing up more oxygen for everyone else, because at the rate we're polluting the air, we're going to need it! YAYZ0RZ!

(Love your answers, by the way. They are magnificently CLE-VAH! I am envious! :O )
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on September 14th, 2004 11:41 am (UTC)
You answered my philosophical conundrum! RESPECT!
Where do you want to have the ceremony? I've always fancied Vegas, personally...xD

My fourteen year old self was, basically, a loser who fancied silly boys...not that much has changed. I have a few less spots, thankfully!! If you have Suefic, SHOW!! (Damn I wish I could type that in a Spanish accent, like the old woman says it in Strictly Ballroom.)

I was in the National Gallery a few weeks back (and bought another book...for thirty euro...arg!) and there was an American tourist who said she'd been to New York and spent THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS on books. Besides being massively envious, I could see my future rising before me... full of books. (I agree, btw!)

I don't think it'll be that hopeless. Humankind is forever poised on the brink of total destruction, but it has always mangaged to bring itself back so far...after all, we're still here, right? I can imagine though...'Hey, you in MY rolling space!' 'No way dude, and did you nick my cardboard snack? I was so saving that for after I steal your life-support tube...'

Nah, I'm not clever really, just very, very cynical and jaded. And it is thanks to you, as you thought of them!! This quiz is fun!

gabbysun on September 14th, 2004 02:06 pm (UTC)
*WINZ!?*
Vegas? That would work. But we also have to go on a cruise ship around those those islands that have an inclination towards the more tropical climate, 'kay?

xD Dude, I was a Sue writer without even knowing it. I'll post something up in my journal in a sec. JUST FOR YOU.

:O Three hundred dollars? WOW. (I'm going to be an old spinster living in a small house crammed chock-full of books, I'm serious.)

xD True. But stupidity is pretty well-ingrained in humanity in general, so perhaps that will all change. ...I could completely see the rolling around scenario. Makes me giggle — but with apprehension. xD I'm READY.

Psh, cynical and jaded people are cool. All my real-life friends are cynical and jaded. BUT COOL NEVERTHELESS.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on September 17th, 2004 03:22 am (UTC)
Re: *WINZ!?*
Okay. But I think there may be pirates. And cabin boys. Yay!

DO.

Me too. And if the television is obscured by my multiple copies of Harry Potter and Terry Pratchett, well, SO BE IT.

I like stupidity in people. It makes me feel so refreshingly superior...I just hope that by the time the rolling-around scenario rolls around, I shall be dead. xD

Jaded is cool. Jade is also a cool colour! Knew a girl called Jade once...not so cool. She didn't wash...:(
Re: *WINZ!?* - gabbysun on September 17th, 2004 07:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: *WINZ!?* - scoradh on September 19th, 2004 12:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: *WINZ!?* - gabbysun on September 19th, 2004 04:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: *WINZ!?* - scoradh on September 20th, 2004 11:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: *WINZ!?* - gabbysun on September 20th, 2004 01:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
fu_deleterius on September 15th, 2004 05:12 am (UTC)
I like tacos!
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on September 15th, 2004 09:59 am (UTC)
I am excessively happy for you, despite having no idea what they are. xD
high and mighty mansplaining robotrimestock on September 15th, 2004 10:52 am (UTC)
You know not what a taco is?

Where the hell are you from, again? :P
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on September 15th, 2004 11:34 am (UTC)
Ireland. The country that does not have tacos (or, now you come to mention it, orgasmic cheesecake).

Lots of fun, fun rain, though.

What are they?
(no subject) - rimestock on September 16th, 2004 06:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 16th, 2004 12:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 16th, 2004 01:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 17th, 2004 09:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 19th, 2004 04:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 20th, 2004 11:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 20th, 2004 12:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 21st, 2004 10:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 21st, 2004 11:43 am (UTC) (Expand)