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08 May 2005 @ 05:40 pm
If god wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets  

About a week ago, my Australian cousin had a baby girl. She’s twenty-three -- my cousin, not that baby, although if the latter wouldn’t that sentence have been, like, so amusing?! Rona -- my cousin -- only got married last year; she called her daughter Imogen, which is a good deal better than Charnie, I must say. That’s what my other cousin, who got married at twenty-one and had a baby at twenty-two, called her eldest daughter. I’m really quite scared, to be honest -- returning home at the age of nineteen, by these standards, I should have a fiance in tow or even a bun in the oven.

Anyway, my mother bought a card for Rona and made me write it, because I’m always made write cards and draw pictures on the envelopes and stuff. Presumably my mother thinks the recipient of these cards will find it charming as opposed to, eg, psycho and deluded. This is what I wrote for Rona:

Dear Rona, Daniel and baby Imogen,

Congratulations for bringing the second great-grand-child into the world! In the manner of fairy godmothers, we wish her every possible grace, beauty, wit and charm, as well as other, more prosaic gifts -- such as being good at sums, ‘cause that’s always useful -- for the rest of her long life.

Much love, the Irish expatriates

There was also a silhouette of a baby in a buggy at the bottom of the card; it was wearing what I presumed to be a bobble hat. I drew an arrow to it and added the thoughtful communiqué: I hope she doesn’t have an alien tentacle, though!

My mother split her sides laughing, although it wasn’t exactly me on top comic form, was it? It will pass entirely over Rona’s head, in any case. I thought it was at least better than saying: ‘You had a baby. Um, wow. The next eighteen years of your life are going to be sheer hell. Love and drugs, a family whose eldest child is nearly got rid of -w00t!!’.

cynicalpirate and chowburger -- ohmygill, Vanessa! I actually felt sorry for her...

 
 
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: 'Yellow', Coldplay
 
 
 
starts with k: Conscienceless guiltanyotherknight on May 8th, 2005 09:50 am (UTC)
I always like the disillusioned "you're in for 18 years of purgatory" approach because, inevitably, every parent says the same thing:

Oh, no, widdle Bipsy is an absolute doll. (Insert shrill howl followed by breaking glass)

Actually, no, that's just my extended family. My mom often says it's a miracle she didn't strangle me when I kept trying to jump off counters and trees while playing Tarzan & Jane with the cat. Motherhood. Cheers.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on May 8th, 2005 09:53 am (UTC)
Hmm, where's the quote on your icon from? Tis cool!

I don't think they'd say that. They have a very relaxed attitude to parenting, gleaned from their own. I don't think Rona finished high school, for example.

Ha! I was an exceptionally quiet baby, and child, so long as I had a book. :) Your beta should be in, btw.
(no subject) - anyotherknight on May 8th, 2005 09:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on May 8th, 2005 10:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - anyotherknight on May 8th, 2005 10:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on May 8th, 2005 12:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - anyotherknight on May 8th, 2005 12:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on May 9th, 2005 01:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
My imaginary friend thinks I'm brilliant.: Burstlanitha on May 8th, 2005 10:21 am (UTC)
IMOGEN????

Wow...

Remember how I ased you some time ago about the names 'Siohan' and 'Imogen'?

EEk! Eerie!

Congrats, anyway!
;-)
My imaginary friend thinks I'm brilliant.lanitha on May 8th, 2005 10:22 am (UTC)
Argh... Typos all the way... My new keyboard doesn't like me...

I asked, rather than ased.
About Siobhan, rather than Siohan...
(no subject) - scoradh on May 9th, 2005 02:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on May 9th, 2005 02:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
Minnow: boyloveminnow_53 on May 8th, 2005 12:01 pm (UTC)
I hope she doesn’t have an alien tentacle, though!

So your cousin gave birth to the Giant Squid? Many congratulations.

^_^xx
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on May 9th, 2005 02:09 am (UTC)
*slaps you*

Of course. My relations are Teh Original. ¬.¬
(no subject) - minnow_53 on May 9th, 2005 02:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on May 9th, 2005 08:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - minnow_53 on May 9th, 2005 09:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on May 9th, 2005 09:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - minnow_53 on May 9th, 2005 12:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on May 9th, 2005 12:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - minnow_53 on May 9th, 2005 01:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on May 9th, 2005 02:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on May 9th, 2005 02:11 am (UTC)
Dude. I was named after a sheep. (Rachel=ewe in Hebrew). If that's not cruelty I don't know what is. At least you won't suffer the indignity of having five other people in the class with your name -- which I like, btw, I'm sure I even used it in a story once!

You really are? But I wouldn't actually say that to anyone personally, just in general. Besides, it's something I picked up from my parents. :)
...: Get on with it! // ???chowburger on May 8th, 2005 03:41 pm (UTC)
If I got cards as cool as that then I'd be happy because I happen to like psycho and deluded :P

And yes, OMGVANESSA! Has me more full of suspense than the OC, it does. I'm waiting for next week's one like a vulture!
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on May 9th, 2005 02:12 am (UTC)
I should totally send Christmas cards next year. *snerkles* Though nobody'd be able to read my handwriting.

But really, she's finally waking up to her vapid lifestyle! I was all yay for Rupes! Rupes/the au pair all the way! ...I'm mean, but I did feel sorry for her. :(
gabbysun on May 8th, 2005 04:39 pm (UTC)
*snicker* I want a card from you; I'd tack it up on the bulletin board above my desk and treasure it for pretty much forever.

And sometimes I wonder if children are worth all the trouble and pain - sometimes a particularly adorable baby can waver my disbelief, but otherwise . . . er.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on May 9th, 2005 02:13 am (UTC)
I'll send you a birthday/Christmas one, how's about that? *winks*

From what I've heard, a lot of people think that until they've one of their own. Then it really is omgLOVE.

...Look at my parents. They'd do anything for me. And this is ME. xD
(no subject) - gabbysun on May 10th, 2005 01:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Caitcoralia13 on May 8th, 2005 05:30 pm (UTC)
That sounds like a lovely card. Scary to think people are having babies just a few years older than us, isn't it? Weird...
Oh, well, off to the library to study for psych - perhaps I'll get pregnant there!
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on May 9th, 2005 02:13 am (UTC)
Terrifying!! At least you aren't related to them!

Oh, yes, meant to say good luck in that! It sounds interesting. Fairly low impregnation possibilities though, I would imagine. :)
(no subject) - coralia13 on May 9th, 2005 09:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on May 9th, 2005 12:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - coralia13 on May 9th, 2005 12:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on May 9th, 2005 02:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - coralia13 on May 9th, 2005 07:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Lord Marmaduke Newbrycatsmeat on May 10th, 2005 04:11 am (UTC)
What would you do if A. A. Gill died?
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on May 10th, 2005 12:46 pm (UTC)
...

How can thou speak so?!! He will live FOREVER!!!!!!

Wear mourning for a year and a day and have mad passionate lesbian sex with the Blonde.
(no subject) - catsmeat on May 11th, 2005 03:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on May 11th, 2005 04:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - catsmeat on May 11th, 2005 12:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on May 11th, 2005 12:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - catsmeat on May 11th, 2005 03:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on May 13th, 2005 11:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - catsmeat on May 16th, 2005 05:10 am (UTC) (Expand)