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26 September 2004 @ 07:19 pm
A unicorn blowing freely in the breeze  

I know it’s probably glaringly obvious to everyone, but….there is SO MUCH bad fan fiction out there! Not even bad in terms of grammar etc, but basic things like storyline and characterisation. Fine, all characters are going to be slightly OOC, that’s the nature of the thing, but to say ‘Draco Malfoy, now seventeen and stunningly gorgeous’ - I hit the back button straight off! Who the hell is ‘stunningly gorgeous’ when they are SEVENTEEN? I always imagined great beauty was something you grew into and matured with. If I had to describe Draco in complimentary terms, I’d say something like, ‘Although still bearing an unfortunate resemblance to the rat species, Draco’s face had matured somewhat as his nose caught up with his chin. He was now a little less than ‘of a pleasing countenance’, at least when he forgot to sneer.’


Describing anyone in HP as gorgeous is just plain stupid and a one-way ticket to Mary-Suedom. If you can’t spark a romance between two ordinary-looking people in your writing, damn me but if you shouldn’t be writing at all! Starting a fic by laying down your plot in one sentence: ‘Luna loved Harry, but she knew Ginny would go straight back to him if she ever broke up with Dean and Harry could have anyone he wanted - it was hopeless’ literally leaves you nothing to do but get them together in the most obvious way possible. I thought FA was great when I first found it, but really the only thing separating it from ff.net is overall better grammar. I suppose it’s because there’s no shortage of mediocre writers out there frothing to contribute their dross, while good writers are gold-dust in the Artic.


Oh, and transcribing WHOLE SONGS into the middle of your fic?


Just, no.


And don't get me STARTED on the formulaic smut that manifests itself in every second NC-17 title.


Perhaps I should write a guide.


I think I shall.


...


Sometimes I also wish I actually had something meaningful to contribute to the world.


There again, for the most part, the world ain't worthy of my attention.

 
 
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: 'Halo', Texas
 
 
 
The Light Snarktasticsnarkophagus on September 26th, 2004 11:58 am (UTC)

The guide could be strictly for the entertainment value.

Seriously. I think the only good fanficcy-type things I've read have been your parodies. Granted, I haven't read much (read: I've probably encountered only two or three pieces other than yours, and have seen summaries of others), but what I've seen seems to have been written by people who left their plot bunnies in the cages...
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on September 26th, 2004 01:00 pm (UTC)
I was hoping potential ficcers would take note...but really, I'll probably just have to kill them.

Most people don't even realise you have to FEED plot-bunnies. I guess my stuff wouldn't be the worst out there, especially in comparison to some of the stuff I've read, but it certainly ain't the best either. I've only been in the fandom a year, but I read voraciously and have at least picked up on what you absolutely shouldn't do. If only others did the same. If only ... I didn't bite my nails. Damn, they're all gone again...
high and mighty mansplaining robotrimestock on September 27th, 2004 07:55 am (UTC)
OH MY GOD I KNOW

(re: formulaic smut)

*sporks*
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on September 27th, 2004 11:08 am (UTC)
Yeah...after a while, I just ignore the pairing, because the storyline runs the exact same no matter who is involved. *shrugs* People kill me.
high and mighty mansplaining robotrimestock on September 27th, 2004 12:08 pm (UTC)
It's even funnier when you just *know* that the smut is WRONG...

(I ask you... how many guys do you know who, during a blowjob, actually *want* the girl to "suck [them] dry, lick [them] clean, and lovingly tuck [them] back inside [their] trousers"?)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 27th, 2004 12:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 27th, 2004 12:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 27th, 2004 12:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 27th, 2004 12:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 28th, 2004 11:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 29th, 2004 06:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 29th, 2004 12:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 29th, 2004 12:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 29th, 2004 12:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 29th, 2004 01:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on September 30th, 2004 12:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on September 30th, 2004 02:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
gabbysun on September 27th, 2004 02:35 pm (UTC)
my heart knits joyful an light angel
(Hah! My subject title makes as much sense, if not less, than yours! I WIN!?)

I think that that is the best phrase I ever seen used to describe Draco. Staggeringly brilliant!

You mean songfics? Some of them are fairly well done . . . but in general I really can't stand them. :(

If you made a fanfiction guide, I would so totally pimp it. LIKE, PIMP.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Dancing catscoradh on September 28th, 2004 12:01 pm (UTC)
Re: my heart knits joyful an light angel
I got that from a community devoted to finding crazy bad fanfic quotes...isn't it a beaut?

Ah, surely you jest? But shucks!

I generally use about three lines from a song at the start of my fics, to set the mood. But basing a whole fic around one smacks of poor plotting skillz.

I was planning it in my head this morning...you do these things, on a bus. It'll be posted here for your pleasure, in any case!
gabbysun on September 28th, 2004 12:50 pm (UTC)
Re: my heart knits joyful an light angel
Oh man, your icon. xD

It's so gorgeous it's completely stopped my heart. I mean, for real.

I KID YOU NOT!

Yes, I agree. Unless the song really does work. Then it's fine. ;D

SCORE.
high and mighty mansplaining robotrimestock on September 29th, 2004 06:58 am (UTC)
Re: my heart knits joyful an light angel
OH MY GOD THE KITTY IS DANCING WITH MY MUSIC.

*tries to catch breath*

Yay for good songs. Boo for bad songs. Uberboo for stories that are about three lines of original work and the rest is a crappy country song. (Yes, I've seen these, and they're HORRIBLE.)
Re: my heart knits joyful an light angel - scoradh on September 29th, 2004 12:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: my heart knits joyful an light angel - rimestock on September 29th, 2004 01:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: my heart knits joyful an light angel - scoradh on September 30th, 2004 12:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: my heart knits joyful an light angel - rimestock on September 30th, 2004 02:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Dancing catscoradh on September 29th, 2004 12:14 pm (UTC)
Re: my heart knits joyful an light angel
UK-Learning formums are good for summink after all! (Stole it from there).

Going up now...
Re: my heart knits joyful an light angel - gabbysun on September 29th, 2004 05:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Dancing catscoradh on September 29th, 2004 12:51 pm (UTC)
Re: my heart knits joyful an light angel
Oh god, have tried updating THREE times to put in Sue Guide and it WILL NOT COME UP.

*hates lj*

Have got impression that you do be computer whiz which is why I whine to you...xD
Re: my heart knits joyful an light angel - scoradh on September 29th, 2004 01:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: my heart knits joyful an light angel - gabbysun on September 29th, 2004 05:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
henbock on September 28th, 2004 03:45 am (UTC)
nothing in particular
ok i sent you an email please read it some of your writing is so bitter it could turn milk sour- only messin your account of the debs is pretty glorified and the whoe story of mike is pretty obvious are you blind he said you had left it too late to tell him you fancied him typical for you really and why did you omit the fact that you met Finan the Paedaphile ok now ive vented my splean your writing is witty and sharp as per usual! What more can i say.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: I want onescoradh on September 28th, 2004 12:03 pm (UTC)
Re: nothing in particular
My account of the debs was eyewitness account, not gospel truth.

He only said that because he's Mike, he was drunk, he was trying to be nice and to get me the hell away from him. He never fancied me. And I can't have fancied him so much if kissing him lit no fires...

I did not meet Finan. Despite the fact that everyone seems to think I did, and that he started TEXTING me, the freak. Please tell me when the hell I was supposed to have done this. PLEASE.

And thanks.
henbock on September 28th, 2004 04:01 am (UTC)
what does html mean??
strike what i said from the comment list previously, i refuse to use (loose)(ha ha) punctuation and capitals as i dont have time being the busy student that i am i also couldnt be arsed which is why i got a c2 in my english leaving cert. If you see a full top, comma, semi- colon(sniggers)or exclamation mark count your blessings. Scoradh or avacados as you are lovingly known by a tall dark handsome masturbating dote,I cant comment with any authority on your writing beause i, as a non-member of the fandom, have nothing to compare it with so i have to conclude because a cute guy is staring at me and i cant stand being stared at (idont know if i can use your real nameso i wont) but avacados your writings are eternally good so stop harrassing me for approval you dont need it by now you should know that what i say has never had the slightest effect on you.!!!
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Dancing catscoradh on September 28th, 2004 12:05 pm (UTC)
Nobody knows.
Incoherent as ever, mdear. And no, call me Alvira, you twat. What is this about cute guys staring at you? What does it have to do with the price of grapes in China? I haven't harassed you for months! My fics would be up now if my nice American beta wasn't bloody well trying to survive a bloody HURRICANE.

And, d'oh, of course not. xD