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03 July 2005 @ 07:26 pm
Some factses  

Femmeslash does absolutely nothing for me.

The Quicker You Let Go Of Old Cheese, The Sooner You Find New Cheese.

(Knew it was a bad idea to get into self-help books.)

Anyway, kabeyk, she make good point. Not stop writing -- stop posting! Mmm, I like it. Smells like teen spirit. Come on, my mother thinks I am depressed and that I need to "see someone". Obviously I cannot say that "My writing sucks and that is why I keep crying into my dinner" -- and don't tell me it doesn't, please. When people say good things, it's always at least 90% a lie. It's when people say bad things that they tell the whole truth. I don't want to end up in a loony farm, popping Prozacs like sweets and when you have a personality like mine, yeah ... it's all possible.

Besides which, I've made my choice. Medicine it is to be, forty hour weeks in lectures, huge books that I can't understand ... life's about choices, innit? So this grasshopper told me. Have no idea what this journal will be for, then. It's never even made a dent on my real feelings because I didn't want to annoy people wiv' em, I gave up RL posts bar this and now, no fic. Recs?

Because the truth is I am a miserable git, and not cheerful, funny, well-adjusted or omg a good conversationalist, wherever people picked up these impressions of me. And I want a shot at this "happiness" thing people keep rabbiting about. It sounds ... fucking brilliant, to be honest, and I'm not getting it round this joint.

 

 
 
Current Mood: tiredso very, very tired
Current Music: copping out by saying "iPod shuffle"
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on July 3rd, 2005 12:37 pm (UTC)
Don't you dare, bee-atch!

Oh, but when they say bad things it's 100% truth, right?

I'll come back when I'm sober.x

kxx
kabeyk on July 4th, 2005 02:19 am (UTC)
Sobriety is overrated, but at least means I can manage to log in properly.

Your writing will probably never be exactly how you want it to be, mine certainly isn't, but you just have to get used to that and not expect so much of yourself. On the other hand, you sound like exactly the sort of person I'd want to be in charge of fiddling with my internal organs, because someone who is constantly striving to be better will probably be a heck of a lot more careful than someone over-confident.

kxx
(no subject) - scoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Minnowminnow_53 on July 3rd, 2005 12:40 pm (UTC)
Hey. I don't want to say anything irresponsible. But don't stop writing and posting your fics, or your journal entries.

Nobody's happy. We just pretend, okay? And if you write enough fic, it becomes true. In your case, it becomes true when you get on to your medical course. The med students I knew at TCD were all pretty happy, I can assure you, and then they went on, or most of them did, to be far, far richer than I could even dream of.

Sorry, this may not be comforting. In about six years' time, it will be. Really.

^_^xxx
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:16 pm (UTC)
Irresponsible? Like "It's okay not to use condoms"?

I suppose I could get broadband, yeah?
(no subject) - minnow_53 on July 4th, 2005 10:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on July 6th, 2005 02:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:18 pm (UTC)
*sighs* If we're talking about fandom ideals, I don't know. I want to write, but I don't want to go pimping either because people don't like it. They really don't. I don't like it when it's done to me. Hard, innit?

Boy, if you could help me, I'd lock you up and never let you leave my house. :)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - scoradh on July 4th, 2005 03:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
ex_ella_bane358 on July 3rd, 2005 01:50 pm (UTC)
Femmeslash does nothing for me as well.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:19 pm (UTC)
Gurlz r borin.
one minute movie reviewsoneminutemovies on July 3rd, 2005 01:55 pm (UTC)
I know this won't cheer you up but I really feel I have to contradict you on the "my writing sucks" statement. I'm halfway through Queen of Hearts and it's GREAT. 100% truth, I'm loving it. Feel better.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:20 pm (UTC)
That'll be down to the co-writing part. xD But thank you anyway. I felt guilty for posting my angst now. I like your butterfly; we used to get them in the trees where I was born.
Insufferable, man.: pills - davechickencynicalpirate on July 3rd, 2005 02:23 pm (UTC)
What if you hate cheese, except on pizzas, pasta and toast?
Femmeslash does absolutely nothing for me.
Me either, Betty.

I'm practically crying now. And I don't know whether it's all because of your post or because of what just happened but oh. I should probably just shut up and Just Not.

I have nothing to tell you, because I have no answers or solutions. I'm just trying as hard as I can to strive towards this happiness thing aussi. It would help if I knew which direction it was in. I am useless, as you well know.

What you should do, is distract yourself with Life. And Things. And don't ever stop and think about it. Don't ever think too much, as The Zutons sing. Because then one day you might find it's all gone away, all by itself. And then it'll all be alright. At least that's what I'm hoping, you know.

I'm not going to tell you that your writing doesn't suck. I'm going to tell you something which is very, very true.

Your writing makes me happy.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:23 pm (UTC)
Maybe I should go back to string beans, then
SOPHIE. YOU ARE THE LEAST USELESS PERSON I KNOW. Duke, my love, your toute famile is a bit squiffy, but think of all the fodder for storytelling. Or something.

And don't ever stop and think about it. Don't ever think too much, as The Zutons sing. Because then one day you might find it's all gone away, all by itself. And then it'll all be alright. At least that's what I'm hoping, you know.

I mean, USELESS. That's the best advice ever. The reason ... the reason is that I'm thinking too much and that everyone hates my writing, because I force it on them.

I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. I'm a daft eejit, sometimes. And if it makes you happy, I will keep writing. Maybe not for a while, though.

OH GUILT MAN.
Rose: Cat's facefourth_rose on July 3rd, 2005 03:01 pm (UTC)
Okay, I'll try to be all negative about your writing so you know it's true ;-)

- I actually have to read rarepairs just because of you. I don't want to, but your Terry's irresistible. How dare you?
- Your kind of witty, whacky humour pops up in my head at the most unopportune moments and makes people think I'm an utter idiot because I giggle for no reason.
- I didn't get enough sleep for days because of "Queen of hearts". Do you see those bags under my eyes?
- Because of "Snakes and Ladders", the totally innocent question "Where's your father?" now has a lewd undertone for me because I keep answering in my mind: "In bed with my Potions Professor".

BTW, femmeslash doesn't do anything for me, either.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:25 pm (UTC)
OH THE GUILT.

I should tape my fingers to my chair sometimes. Why do I post this crappy angst? People seem to like me and then I do this. GAH.

I'm sorry about your eyes and your sleep and being an idiot. Here, have an eyemask embroidered with menopausal basilisks.

OMG IZ SO BORIN.
(no subject) - fourth_rose on July 4th, 2005 03:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on July 6th, 2005 02:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fourth_rose on July 6th, 2005 02:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
someone's always looking for DB Coopernumena on July 3rd, 2005 08:23 pm (UTC)
"Femmeslash does absolutely nothing for me."
Me neither.

Mou. No more posts from you? Damn. I really enjoy your posts. But you should go do whatever makes you happy. I'd like to say something really witty and wise right about now, but I pretty much lack the art of wisdom. Whenever I try to be all wisdom-y I end up sounding like a self-help book and I hate self-help books..Someone gave me one once - I burned it. (Though come to think of it, that did make me feel better. Huh.)

Anyway - have fun doing whatever makes you happy. *grin*

(And as for the writing bit - though you might not believe me, I think you're quite good. And I don't lie about that sort of thing.)



every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:27 pm (UTC)
I don't know what it is. I suppose I already have the plumbing so there's no wow factor?

My biggest problem is that I have to know, make people prove things to me. I don't know why. Am Doubting Thomas forever and anon.

I must try and stop though.

Once I've figured stuff out I'll post again. Ha, did you think you'd get rid of me that easily??
Linza_linz on July 3rd, 2005 11:00 pm (UTC)
Pity about the femmeslash.

Okay...if your writing sucks then there's just no hope for the rest of us. I think you just don't feel it's good enough for you, but authors are their own harshest critics and that's the way it should be. If you keep striving to prove things to yourself, you probably won't succeed but you'll definitely produce some pretty fucking amazing pieces of work.

Sorry, don't know why I had to swear, it just sounded better and more convincing in my head :P

Also, yes, that happiness thing. I don't really believe it exists, or not in the sense that everyone thinks of anyway. I mean, is there a permanent state of feel-good that you can attain? I guess it comes and goes and it's just how you look at it.

Why do you want to do medicine?

And just one last thing *hugs* I think you're wonderful. Thatisall.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:29 pm (UTC)
I reckon my life would be easier if I were, like, a dog. They just slobber over people and no one bats and eyelid.

I'm just ... sorry. And so grateful. Don't know what I did to deserve having people like you guys around, but you are so very wise. I just wish I had the sense not to inflict my crises of faith on my flist. Stupid after the event, I know.
My imaginary friend thinks I'm brilliant.lanitha on July 4th, 2005 02:51 am (UTC)
When people say good things, it's always at least 90% a lie. It's when people say bad things that they tell the whole truth.

I can imagine why you'd say that, but some people are more honest than that. ;-)

Sorry you're feeling down... May I offer you a hug?
*hugs*
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:30 pm (UTC)
*clingsto*

You're like my fandom mummy.

No offense. *makes you cookies*
(no subject) - lanitha on July 13th, 2005 07:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
amazing vaguely humanoid armadillopersoncryptid on July 4th, 2005 09:24 am (UTC)
Femmeslash does absolutely nothing for me.

Eh, whatever floats your boat. I'd say that erotica and romance rarely does anything for me, unless it's as a side dish to something else, or really well done. In those cases, femmeslash can work just as well as het or boyslash, but then I'm not the straightest crayon in the box. :P

Obviously I cannot say that "My writing sucks and that is why I keep crying into my dinner" -- and don't tell me it doesn't, please.

*disobeys*
Your writing does not suck. Quite the opposite. I'm rather compliment-disabled, so I mean it when I say so. If I don't like anything, or am indifferent to it, I say something evasive and neutral, or just stay quiet. Not everyone is a liar.

No one is happy 24/7. I'd be lying if I said I never feel terrified of wasting my life, feel boring and talentless, want to get a lobotomy just to get a respite from all these bloody thoughts. Then again, there are these times when it's just utterly good and amazing to be alive, and that's not a less real or valid feeling. I get more of the later kind now than a few years ago. I do hope that things will get better for you too. *hugshugs*
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:33 pm (UTC)
I'm a hopeless romantic beneath the rabid cynicism. *owns up*

I know. I know it's not terribly terrible. I guess I'm just an attention whore when it comes down to it. And I know these feelings you speak of; sometimes they seem to far away to be true, that's all.

But today was better than yesterday, even though the events in it SUCKED.

I think the key is being able to laugh at yourself, when you most want to take yourself seriously. *clingsto*
(Anonymous) on July 4th, 2005 11:34 am (UTC)
Rachel!!
U make urself sound so hard done by... oh woe is u and all dat.... I'm deeply shocked and appalled. U will not believe wat our fave day-boarder is at these days!! Be nice to her, bring her out 4 a drink and she pounces the fella u've a big "mine" sign on!!!! Grrrrrrrr.... Must give ya an aul txt now someday soon with alla sca. the whole working 4 a living lark is hard isn't it? I'm not too bad tho coz the "clever" ppl at Galtee put me workin under uncle liam... hahahahaha. Anyways, just said id let u know im still alive n kickin. Might b diff story 2mrw tho coz iv a 6am start...
luv ya n leave ya
Mellon!
Omuch_reality on July 4th, 2005 12:07 pm (UTC)
When people say good things, it's always at least 90% a lie. It's when people say bad things that they tell the whole truth.

You know, that simply isn't true. People are complicated and their responses will always, always be partly down to their own issues. They may be jealous, they may have had their negative buttons pressed... it's impossible that it's pure and rational when someone is negative. It's always just an opinion, and they also always reflect who we are.

::Hugs:: life can suck. But you seem a sweetie to me. And I wasn't ever happy until I hit my twenties- the first two decades frankly sucked.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:35 pm (UTC)
I'm pathetically grateful that you like me, in spite of it all.

I suppose there's no such thing as an entirely objective comment, is there? There's always issues and reasons behind it. I'm just starting to wonder why I was objecting to the reason behind it being that people liked me and wanted me to feel good.

Yes, I'm a fucking idiot, how are you?

And I wasn't ever happy until I hit my twenties- the first two decades frankly sucked.

Yay, a grownup admits it! *glee*
Caitcoralia13 on July 4th, 2005 12:41 pm (UTC)
I'm a little late in the game here, and I don't have any encouraging words to offer that other people haven't already offered. I'll give it a shot anyway: your happiness is the most important thing. Some people have said here that happiness is a myth; I disagree. I don't think anyone can be completely happy all the time - I know I get depressed for no reason sometimes, and cry over nothing. I think this is normal. But I believe in moments of joy, days of fun, and weeks of contentment. If you need to be away from writing and the fandom (since it seems like that is what is at least the catalyst for your malaise) to be happy, then I will miss you and will talk to you when you get back or before, if you feel up to e-mailing. Good luck with it all, my darling.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 4th, 2005 02:37 pm (UTC)
I don't mind the fandom; the fandom is silly and crazy and shiny and fun. However, that hate meme? Just reminded me that I'm glad I don't pimp. And hey, people said good things about Queen of Hearts, for whatever reason (I'm betting it's cynicalpirate's parts.)

It's the writing, it's always the writing. *sporks* Why it's not good enough to merit attention from more people than it does. And that's bloody awful. But also true. You know that, because you know me.

ANYWAY. Good stuff! Are you back now? Glee!
(no subject) - coralia13 on July 4th, 2005 06:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on July 6th, 2005 01:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - coralia13 on July 7th, 2005 09:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on July 8th, 2005 12:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - coralia13 on July 8th, 2005 01:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rainspots on July 9th, 2005 04:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
gabbysun on July 6th, 2005 07:47 pm (UTC)
Hey, this guy thinks you're HAWWWT.
Gol, I wish I had good advice. :(

Um. ♥!? I feel for you, my man. I wish I were all deep and knew what to say, but that's always been, like, totally my biggest weakness. :(

Here:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
RAWR, BABY.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 8th, 2005 01:00 pm (UTC)
Re: Hey, this guy thinks you're HAWWWT.
*runs away, screaming in abject terror*

Er, was that the desired effect, darling? Where do you FIND these things?!
Re: Hey, this guy thinks you're HAWWWT. - gabbysun on July 9th, 2005 01:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Hey, this guy thinks you're HAWWWT. - rainspots on July 9th, 2005 04:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)