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10 January 2006 @ 07:22 pm
This simple peasant dance symbolises my hatred for imported olives  

Look, I wouldn't call myself Mischa Barton's biggest rival, but I reckon that I've got some points in my favour. Something that looks like favour in a good light (off), anyway.  

I'm not grossly overweight. Every other week I manage to make someone laugh. Sure, I have glasses, but I flatter myself that I wear them with the 'squashed from reading in bed' eclat that's so now. I may be a social centipede as opposed to butterfly, but I did get invited to two house parties this week, one of which is being hosted by a boy in my class so pretty we call him the Pageant Queen. (I am clearly not the outcast I always hoped I was -- well, blast.) I don't even do that thing where girls detail, often and loudly and whenever there's a boy in the vicinity, their exact opinions on soulmates.

So what is it about me that, when it comes to talking to boys I fancy, catalyses the following reaction in their hindbrains: "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! I HEAR DRUMS, DRUMS IN THE DEEP! SHE MAY NOT LOOK MUCH LIKE ONE BUT THIS GIRL IS A WALKING BALROG. THOSE BASTIDS ARE CUNNING MASTERS OF DISGUISE. BE NOT FOOLED! GIVE HER AN INCH AND SHE'LL TAKE A MILE AND THAT'LL BE YOUR GENES SUCKED DRY, SONNY JIM. A HORRENDOUS WASTE, THE LIKE OF WHICH HAS NOT BEEN SEEN SINCE JOHNNY DEPP WENT ALL MONOGAMIST. JUST BACK AWAY, SLOWLY. THAT'S IT."

I mean, I think my handlebar moustache is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. The pink dye makes it really quite fetching.

Oh, it honestly doesn't matter that I shall definitely end up ALONE. BY MYSELF. UNWANTED AND UNLOVED. I guess. Especially when you compare me to someone with real problems, like Will Smith.

Although it is probably a good thing that I liked cats and Celine Dion anyway.

 

 
 
Current Mood: worriedsnivelly
Current Music: "Seven Days In The Sun," Feeder
 
 
 
Ticca: Romeo + Juliet: Heartdaniellafromage on January 10th, 2006 12:27 pm (UTC)
I love you. *clings*
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: McDibbler'sscoradh on January 10th, 2006 12:45 pm (UTC)
But the seventy-million dollar question IS, do you have curly hair and look like a hobbit and have a severe personality disorder? Because otherwise, I prolly just wouldn't fancy ya.

Are you trying to scare me with that Sacred Heart? Here, I hurt you with my brash consumerism.
(no subject) - daniellafromage on January 10th, 2006 03:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 11th, 2006 01:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
Minnow: draco and myrtleminnow_53 on January 10th, 2006 12:56 pm (UTC)
Oh, yeah, falling is like this...

Actually, there's nothing wrong with ending up on your own! It's very, very cool, and you can eat and write what you like, read/watch what you like, and not have to listen to teh snoring. Life holds worse alternatives, I think. But you can do without the cats, actually. I have three and I KNOW.

^_^xx
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: *begs*scoradh on January 10th, 2006 01:03 pm (UTC)
I love you for the Ani Difranco reference. Am listening to Cloud Blood as I type (and look at yaoi porn, of course).

Yeah, I reckon that too! But I am absolutely unmoveable on the cat front. I adore cats more than is healthy and I miss having one around. For my twenty-sixth birthday -- the first I can see that I'll be earning a wage, and thus able to live alone -- I'm getting me a KITTY.
(no subject) - minnow_53 on January 10th, 2006 01:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 10th, 2006 01:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
i'd kiss you if you weren't so damn ugly: KKM - Moo haha!takewing on January 10th, 2006 01:17 pm (UTC)
Well, clearly you're exaggerating with that internal dialogue. I'm sure that they don't really think that. And even if they did, that would be THEIR problem, not yours.

Except for the fact that it effects you and that could make it your problem, I suppose, in which case they're jackasses for making their problem YOUR problem and encouraging the spread of The Problem.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Draco well shitscoradh on January 10th, 2006 01:18 pm (UTC)
I think the Problem should be arrested for Civil Disobedience. Or at the very least Lingering With Intent.
Online I'm a Giant: imaginary menparthenia14 on January 10th, 2006 02:42 pm (UTC)
I think it's all a question of maintaining eye contact, slowing down speech and basically having an entire personality transplant. Oh yes.

I'm not helping am I?
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Caesarscoradh on January 11th, 2006 01:10 am (UTC)
M'dear, if there was a list of people eligible for personality transplants, I'd be at the top, underlined, in red, with an asterisk saying "CRITICAL. ATTEND TO WITH URGENCY."

The only thing that's not helping is that there's no such thing. But I think I've the same problem as the girl in your icon -- I don't think I like the REAL boy at all.
Insufferable, man.: elfgunscynicalpirate on January 10th, 2006 03:41 pm (UTC)
But you are Mischa Barton's biggest rival. She quakes in her Manolos whenever she thinks of you. You, and your pink handlebar moustache.

Will Smith has no problems, surely.

*pets*
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Beware of the leopardscoradh on January 11th, 2006 01:12 am (UTC)
I can see the abject fear in her eyes whenever I go into Accessorize.

I've never heard of anyone, man or celebrity, with more problems. The guy puts the 'me' in 'utter tool.'
denial_girldenial_girl on January 10th, 2006 03:46 pm (UTC)
I mean, I think my handlebar moustache is a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

Bwah!

You know, I know so many intelligent, funny, witty and adorable girls both IRL and online that are still single while dumb trollops get all the boys. Add this to my own recent romance woes and I can find only one possible conclusion:

Boys are dumb.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Barely contained gleescoradh on January 11th, 2006 01:13 am (UTC)
We really need to speed up that whole girl mice getting pregnant on their own thinger. Then we can get out the batch of Glock 9mm semi-automatics and shoot the bastards.

Which is not an extreme reaction AT ALL.
(no subject) - denial_girl on January 11th, 2006 11:51 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 11th, 2006 12:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: I love youscoradh on January 11th, 2006 01:28 am (UTC)
I AM ALL THE TIME, THEY JUST DON'T LIKE ME.

You don't have to tell me how that sucks. There are NO WORDS.

But I will. AND THAT SONG ROCKS. It's even better because it's all choir-y.

OMG, you are like FAMUS. He's the mayor of NYC!

I am all plebey and proley now and I should stop using gratuitous ys, I think.

This song is really cheering me up. You get this icon too.
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 12th, 2006 12:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 12th, 2006 10:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
Beer and Skittles: I'm Nobody's Weasel - Amelieliadlaith on January 10th, 2006 04:15 pm (UTC)
It's true. No one will ever love you like your kitties will. Give up your dreams of fancy and romance and build a giant kitty play area.

*hug*
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: :Pscoradh on January 11th, 2006 01:15 am (UTC)
I could totally invent a new type of catnip carpet and RULE THE WORLD.

I mean really. My cat used to run to my bedroom when my mother brought me brekkie in the morning. No man has EVER done anything remotely similar.
Cait: gratefulcoralia13 on January 10th, 2006 04:21 pm (UTC)
Aw, honey. I don't think you're a balrog... but that means little to nothing, I know, since you don't want to have sex with me.
All I've got for this occasion, predictably, are platitudes, which are only useful in very specific instances. I won't use them; instead, I will tell you that you can e-mail me any time, and we can talk about all the guys we would never want to date, even if they begged. (Whether or not they have is irrelevant.)
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: I love youscoradh on January 11th, 2006 01:21 am (UTC)
No, I can appreciate that some people in the world can see my non-Balrog-ness.

Thank you, dorlink. No one RL understands, really. Claire says I should forget about him and move on (TO WHO? It's not like we have an unlimited number of boys who would fit my specific criteria in med), Aine thinks I just need to talk to him more and he'll fall in love with me and she can then be my bridesmaid. Completely overlooking the fact that every time I've talked to him I can literally see that reaction going on behind his eyes -- or at the very least, a 'I'd much rather be talking to the wall, omg'.

YES, YES. AND WE CAN PLAN MY RETIREMENT HOME FOR CATS THAT WILL MAKE ME A FORTUNE BEYOND THE DREAMS OF MAN. Men, anyway.
(no subject) - coralia13 on January 11th, 2006 10:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 11th, 2006 12:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - coralia13 on January 11th, 2006 08:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 11th, 2006 11:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - coralia13 on January 12th, 2006 11:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
Emotastic!: BJ-By Myselfshortygirl0509 on January 10th, 2006 08:29 pm (UTC)
I think the time has come to put on your pjs, grab a bottle of wine, and break out singing "All By Myself."

Yes, yes, or you could just watch Bridget Jones.

As soon as you give up on love, you'll get smacked over the head by it, and become your own worst nightmare.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Aslanscoradh on January 11th, 2006 01:22 am (UTC)
That is exactly who I'm going to end up with, except brunette, with cats and working in some god-forsaken hospital that doesn't allow short skirts in the dress code.

Nope. This is not exactly the first (or third) time this has happened to me, and while the law of averages suggests that this would be the case, it never has been.

I reckon the whole Celine Dion thing? Protective mechanism. My brain KNOWS, you see.
high and mighty mansplaining robot: comic/text: rated R for abstract sexrimestock on January 10th, 2006 10:41 pm (UTC)
They are clearly all envious of the bright pink handlebar mustache, dear.

They are overwhelmed by your awesome, and they know not what to do.

It is a sad tale, but unfortunately prevalent in the vicinities of brilliant straight females around the world.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Cigarette mangascoradh on January 11th, 2006 01:17 am (UTC)
So ... you think maybe I should have gone for green?

Maybe yellow?

I'm all of a bother now. I think I shall grow a beard and end up looking out to sea at the end.
(no subject) - rimestock on January 11th, 2006 01:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 11th, 2006 01:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on January 11th, 2006 01:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 11th, 2006 01:51 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on January 11th, 2006 01:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 11th, 2006 02:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on January 11th, 2006 02:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 11th, 2006 11:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on January 11th, 2006 11:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 11th, 2006 11:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rimestock on January 11th, 2006 11:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 11th, 2006 12:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
jimwisejimwise on January 11th, 2006 12:44 am (UTC)
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SIDEBURNS??
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Dumbledore's armyscoradh on January 11th, 2006 01:16 am (UTC)
They are my sekrit weapon! I don't want the boys getting everything all at once. I'm not EASY, you know.
kabeyk on January 11th, 2006 04:16 am (UTC)
I'll shag ya, but you will have to cut it out with the Celine thing - it's getting quite creepy.

kxx
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: I love youscoradh on January 11th, 2006 11:35 am (UTC)
You should get dial-up and check my picspam before you commit to that, or anything.

But still you get this icon.
(no subject) - kabeyk on January 11th, 2006 12:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 11th, 2006 12:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kabeyk on January 11th, 2006 01:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 11th, 2006 02:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kabeyk on January 12th, 2006 01:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 12th, 2006 01:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kabeyk on January 12th, 2006 02:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 12th, 2006 02:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kabeyk on January 12th, 2006 02:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
bat crime: dying breediceetoile on January 11th, 2006 09:26 am (UTC)
jesus. You really aren't having a good day, huh? Alone AND by yourself? This is a cry of pain in a hostile world that doesn't contain enough cats (or Celine Dion, if you really swing that way).

but why is Monogamist!JohnnyDepp bad?
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Shazzam Lostscoradh on January 11th, 2006 11:34 am (UTC)
I'm often alone and by myself. This is generally by choice. I find people terrifically annoying.

There are never enough cats in my vicinity, though.

BECAUSE HE CANNOT SHARE HIS LOVE WITH ME THE REST OF THE WORLD!
moocow: [HP] the proper response is nonemisconstrue on January 12th, 2006 04:28 pm (UTC)
:( Handlebar moustaches are quite attractive, and I imagine your pink one takes the proverbial cake.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Sirius/James mangascoradh on January 14th, 2006 01:11 pm (UTC)
Cake gets stuck in it, that's fer sure.

I would do anything for The Chocolate.
muchspork on January 12th, 2006 04:39 pm (UTC)
i too will end up alone, but not inexplicably. i turn into a "HURR. I AM STUPID" kind of fool in front of boys i like and know, and into a "SQUEEE!" (while he can see me) kind of fool in front of boy i COULD and would liek to know. i dont like Celine Dion, but i DO like cats. maybe we could set up some kind of spinster retirement village, where we breed kitties and blast easy-listening radio 24/7.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Dancing crabscoradh on January 14th, 2006 01:12 pm (UTC)
Celine Dion is great. I stand by that. I really think he's got something to contribute to the world through the medium of srsly waily-waily muzak.

Perhaps this is a disease and we could get innoculated for it?

I live in hope.
jam tomorrowjamtomorrow on January 13th, 2006 06:56 am (UTC)
I think you are very funny. If you really do have a pink handlebar moustache, I would like to flist you.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Crumbcakescoradh on January 14th, 2006 12:59 pm (UTC)
Both hands on the table -- I don't really. But you should friend me anyway.

Because green moustaches are so du jour.
(no subject) - jamtomorrow on January 15th, 2006 06:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 15th, 2006 08:00 am (UTC) (Expand)