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16 July 2006 @ 12:39 am
 
Warning: this post contains spoilers for the following: Pirates of the Caribbean; Dead Man's Chest, Stargate Atlantis, Firefly, and Serenity. As a result, I've gone heavy on the cutting. Usually I don't bother as I feel cutting is only encouraging people to ignore me and I feel invisible enough already, but as I myself loathe and detest spoilers of any kind I'm not about to inflict them on others.

Note that my reaction to these productions is not exactly covered by the words 'humongously impressed.' So if you're looking for ringing endorsements of Kiera Knightley's sword, McKay/Sheppard, or Mal's bad ass, you've come to the wrong place.



My parents both fell asleep during this. Mind you, they did the same in all the Lords of the Rings. I did feel that both the cannibal scene and everything to do with that merchant trading ship was superfluous, but I retain a deep love in my heart for Jack, the human kebab.

I guess my beef with this echoes pir8fancier's -- as a shipper, it left no room for my ships. In fact, with Jack presumably dead or at least doing a Jonah inside that squid, and Norrington going all turncoat, my ship has been comprehensively sunk. Apologies, backinblack; there is no way I can form any sort of fic out of this material. I haven't the interest or inclination to write Jack out of that squid and there is no excuse for Norrington's behaviour from a shipping POV. I never realised how easy I had it in HP -- you can shove everything under the single-POV fault-line and get away with murder. Literally. I mean, there are still Harry/Snape shippers, aren't there?

It also was not as funny as the prequel. I realised this afterwards. I laughed at things all by myself in the cinema, but I don't think I'd laugh a second time. Johnny did not capitalise on Jack's character like he did before. As many people have said before me, they played it very safe. And the last thing you want with a pirate film is 'safe'.

My reaction to the Elizabeth/Jack randomness was much the same as it was to JK's handling of Remus/Tonks. Seriously, it came from left of nowhere. And the junky moral discussion? Please.

Not to mention the plot-holes. Why did no one question Wooden Eye and Poppet's return to the crew of the Black Pearl? They mutinied. I hate recycled characters. It's not like plastic bags, doing it isn't going to save the planet, yo.

The cliffhanger pissed me off immensely.





I didn't enjoy the first three episodes of this at all. Given that I paid eighty euro for it, this is Not Good.

NOTE. IF ANYONE IS GOING TO REPLY TO THIS, DO NOT SPOIL ME FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES. I DON'T CARE IF IT TURNS FABULOUS SEVENTEEN MINUTES INTO EPISODE FOUR. I WANT TO FIND OUT FOR MYSELF. THANK YOU.

I'll try to comprehensively list my problems with this, using a sugar high to the best of my ability.

McKay/Sheppard

I wanted this to be a good ship. Everyone raves about it. But. Sheppard is an annoying dickhead. So is McKay. In fact I can't decide who's worse, and why. They're both condescending little jackasses, McKay because he thinks he's smarter than everyone else and Sheppard because he thinks he's Indiana Jones. Or James Bond.

And God -- the lucky gene storyline? Gimme a break. It's not a bad idea, mind, but everything that could be an interesting issue in this series is swept aside for sunlit long-shots of Atlantis in the ocean or those boring-as-fuck fight scenes. How it would have been interesting: if Sheppard had been in the least concerned about his ability to work ancient war missiles. Or leaving Earth, possibly forever. Why is no one wibbling about that?

As for the shipping, yes, I get the whole 'snark that overlies deep fancying-ness' because, um, I do it myself. But it's bloody obvious that Sheppard has a major jones for the tribal queen and GOD BUT IS THAT THE MOST HIDEOUS DYNAMIC EVER. I forget her stupid name -- and it is a stupid name, why can't these people be original and call the tribal queens Mary or something? -- but her fringe is the most annoying thing I have ever seen. It actually distracted me from picking my fingernails because I needed so much to jump on her and tear it off.

But back to the slashing. Neither of these two men is hot, and because I'm constantly presented with visuals to that effect I can't even imagine that they are. And don’t forgive me for being shallow but OMG I cannot slash unattractive men. They are so square-jawed and annoyingly the-Ideal-American-looking. Even though McKay is Canadian. Because he pronounces Z as 'zed'. [brain-explodey]

I was hoping McKay was going to be the dude with glasses but I was sadly disappointed. I don't think I'll ever warm to Sheppard and unless McKay is going to get a facelift, I won't be able to ship them.

I don't even remember their first names, which tells you how much attention I was paying to it and how much more I was paying to my fingernails.

Female Leadership

Thus far the series reads as an ABC on political correctness. Women in positions of power? Check. Conspicuous black characters? Check. Yet the core of this 'expeditionary force' are white men. And as far as I can see, the writers are making Weir out to be a completely terrible leader and a heartless wife to boot. She is the only one who leaves behind a (very selfish and immature-sounding) vid for her lonesome spouse; the others are what, abandoning their cats. Oh, cry me a river. Not to mention that her main leadership reactions are: 1) Wah! My Atlantis! I don't wanna leave! I don't wanna! I don't care that it's going to fall in on itself because we've sucked out the power! I wanna stay here! WAH! 2) I don't care how senselessly brave you are, Sheppard, I have led my force into danger and well, they're gonna stay there. Bye now.

I don't know if the scriptwriters meant to undermine the whole idea of women in power, but they did it anyway.

Sheppard

Senselessly brave, yes. I have an issue with that too. Call me Rincewind, but sometimes running away and hiding are the INTELLIGENT options. Why does he want to go save that army guy who hates him anyway? To show what an awesome guy he is by comparison? Or does he have some insatiable urge for heroic attention? Way not to endear him to the audience. Motiveless brave guy. This is why we invented anti-heroes. And Machiavelli.

US Army Involvement

Okay. I find a wormhole to another dimension that I want to explore. Who do I send in?

No, my first answer would NOT BE 'THE US ARMY'.

Again, don't forgive me for my cynicism, but the US Army doesn't exactly have a great rep for peaceful intervention or, you know, being anything other than dumbfuck meddlers. coughIRAQcough coughAFGANISTANcough coughVIETNAMcough. Did they think they were going to find some weapons of mass destruction on Atlantis? Maybe they thought Osama Bin Laden's holiday retreat was there! GOD. The one people you do NOT want as ambassadors from Earth are US Army Marines. I'm sorry American people, but this is true. It would be like asking the Godfather to represent the Italian nation at a World Peace Conference. The whole thing struck me as American imperialism only towards another planet. And I don't want to have paid eighty euro to watch American imperialism towards another planet.

It's a real pity, because I think America is a pretty great place in all other respects. If ye could just ditch the whole army thing everyone would love you. Or at least, love your ice-cream. (I'm already worried about offending Americans here, but ... I still don't like the US Army. At all.)

Lack of Basic Humanity

Again, why was no one wibbling that they'd never see their homes and families again? Why don't we see someone crying over their last Earth cookie or wishing they'd brought their favourite Manolo Blahniks? Oh, I forgot. Because that might be INTERESTING.

The Bad Guys

Several times I was put off from buying this boxset because of the description: 'there they discover a terrifying enemy that feeds on human fear!'

One: the use of an exclamation mark there robs it of ALL SERIOUSNESS.

Two: what's scary about that? I'd much rather they fed on my fear than, e.g., my liver.

Except they do, so the thing lied.

I'm sick of being expected to quiver in terror at actors in crappy Halloween masks, white panstick and digitally remastered voices. What is remotely fearsome about the Wraiths to me? They just suck. HARD. I hate needing to say that the scariest people are the ones who look and talk just like me, except that they do things I couldn't even imagine. In other words, the US Army Marines.





Three episodes of this certainly whiled away a pleasant few hours.

NOTE. IF ANYONE IS GOING TO REPLY TO THIS, DO NOT SPOIL ME FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES. I DON'T CARE IF IT TURNS FABULOUS SEVENTEEN MINUTES INTO EPISODE FOUR. I WANT TO FIND OUT FOR MYSELF. THANK YOU.

I quite liked this, but I didn't love it.

The Wash/Zoe relationship has no fire. I can't plausibly see how a man who plays with toy dinosaurs and an Amazon have any common ground. Plus, wouldn't he be emasculated by her superwoman fighting skills like any man would in, i.e., real life? I suppose I'm expected to buy it because 'true love just happens and you can't explain it'. Well, Joss, you can say that again, because you didn't even try.

Shepherd Book reminds me of Wintrow from the Liveship Trader books (Robin Hobb), only about one tenth as interesting. He is supposed to be a moral centre but everyone else has their morals sorted and he doesn't. He seems such a cipher at the moment. I wish he'd do something either very bad or very good to justify his existence in this series.

I love Kaylee.

If I were Inara, I don't know why I'd put up with Mal's treatment of me. I'd be all, Laters, dude. I mean, she can make a great living without him. If I were Mal, I couldn't possibly see any real advantage in having a prostitute aboard that I don't even use. It's so obvious that this is going to be the angsty ship to end all angsty ships, and I'm already readying my remote control to skip over it. Mal would play far better as someone who has no romantic interests and who simply sates his sexual need on a real prostitute when needs be. What possible delicacy is holding him back from shagging Inara? Because he obviously wants to. I'm sure the answer will be tedious.

If they hadn't put in the very first (and boring) scene in Serenity valley, the rest of the segues about Serenity valley would be four thousand times more interesting. I wish they hadn't put it in.

Serenity, the film, utterly and totally spoils for Firefly. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

But it is quite good, even if the resolutions in every episode are worryingly easy. I keep expecting things like: the Reaver ship to turn around and chase them, or: the man who witnessed the Reavers' carnage to spring back up after Mal strangled them, or: the Russian guy to come after them. But you can't have everything.



Sorry, guys. That was a bit of an Express Delivery from Anger City type post. I suppose I should have put my money towards buying Scrubs boxsets instead; at least I know I'd like them. Then again, I'm the girl who hates Dickens, so you can just call me a brainless pleb and move on.
 
 
Current Location: Anger City
Current Mood: nauseatedsmickled with nauseatingness
Current Music: Mr Brightside (The Killers)
 
 
 
i must be fine cos my heart's still beating: ANGRY.pornography on July 15th, 2006 11:59 pm (UTC)
I enjoyed both your rants against SG:A and Pirates, seeing as I didn't find them that great either.

Glad you like Scrubs though. Tell me... how do you feel about the Janitor. I kind of. Want to marry him.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Dane Danescoradh on July 16th, 2006 12:03 am (UTC)
I think I went a leetle overboard on the SGA one, but -- EIGHTY EURO. It hurt me in my wallet regions.

Bitch, hands off. The man is MINE.

Added plus: Turk and JD get gayer every episode. And it's not even my imagination.
pale pubescent beastwildestranger on July 16th, 2006 12:01 am (UTC)
I also hate Dickens, so there.

AS for SGA, I find that reading the porn first makes watching the show a lot more enjoyable. I care about the characters because I've read some wonderful fic about them. Also, I do find Rodney Mckay rather adorable (because he is obnoxious in a strange endearing way) but that is also because of the show.

And Sheppard has a lovely pout. But yeah, American colonists is kind of annoying. :)
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Cat with no handsscoradh on July 16th, 2006 12:10 am (UTC)
He's just so ... pointlessly impenetrable. Meh.

I think I shall just go and read the porn anyway. That's the only reason I even bought it, and now I know who's who I actually wish I didn't (you know, bad visual).

It hasn't even got an exciting soundtrack!! Another black mark.

It was actually quite funny in bits; if only they'd capitalised on that. Alas, twas not to be.

I suppose the fact that they have a Scottishman and a Canadian on board is supposed to negate that but, well, it doesn't.
Cait: girl talkcoralia13 on July 16th, 2006 12:17 am (UTC)
I won't say anything about Firefly, because I would inevitably want to answer some of your complaints, or get into an in-depth discussion about something or other, and you have requested no spoilers, so I forbear. I am so annoyed, however, that someone told you that Serenity doesn't spoil for Firefly! Ways to ruin a series, Chapter 1. Jeez. That being said, glad you love Kaylee; I love her, too. I love them all, to be honest. They are just... the nine apples of my eye. Ten, counting the ship. And I do.

As for PotC, I KNOW! THANK YOU for agreeing with me! Everyone seems to love this, and I just don't get it. I felt the film was little more than a bridge between films one and three - and a bridge as rickety as all the ones Jack crashed through while falling down the gorge on cannibal island, at that. There was no beginning, middle, or end, just a lot of "hey, wouldn't it be cool if...?"s running around, that I hope will be resolved in the final installment. Additionally, pretty much every main character became less likeable than he or she had been in the first film. Jack entertained me so much in the first one because he seemed both entirely stoned and entirely selfish - a combination that made him completely unreliable. But he was so endearing because he was so completely reliable - he saved everyone and was hilarious while doing it. I guess it makes sense with his character that he only saved everyone because it was convenient to him, and since it wasn't convenient in film two, he screwed everyone over at every turn. This, however, made it pretty hard for me to care when he "died" (oh, he's so coming back - they don't have a franchise without him), and pretty hard to be moved by the random crying New Orleanians with candles out in the bayou (PS - wtf was up with that).
Elizabeth's interest in Jack, again, made sense given her thrill-seeking rebel-boy fetish, but made her unlikeable to me. I like Will and Elizabeth. Leave them be. This is not a serious film in which human failings and flaws need to be taken into account. It's a cartoon. Let it stay a cartoon.
As for the inexplicably returned characters - yeah, what the HELL was up with that? The excuse that they broke out of Port Royal prison was very weak, and it felt like a trick filmmakers do when they make an unplanned sequel: "Hey, guys, everyone loved these guys - let's throw 'em into the sequel for comic relief!" Same goes for the monkey (although Jack giving it to what's-her-name-scary-teeth-New-Orleans-witch-lady almost earned the little bugger his keep), and Captain Barbosa.
And Norrington. What the fuck? He ends film one all awesome and graceful in his defeat ("This is a beautiful sword... I think we can afford to give him one day's head start") to a dirty, drunken psycho who threw his life away on the pursuit of one measly pirate. Did he just wake up the next morning and realize "HOLY SHIT IN MY GRIEF OVER LOSING THE GIRL I HAVE PEDOPHILICALLY LOVED SINCE SHE WAS TEN I LET THE ONE PIRATE CAPTAIN IN THE CARIBBEAN GET AWAY WAS I HIGH YESTERDAY?!"
So, yeah. That's how I feel about that. Sorry about the rant, but no one else wants to hear a word against it. I will say this: sweet special effects, bringing back Boot-Strap was cool, and Olando, shirtless and wet, take me now. Take. Me. Now.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Chuck Norrisscoradh on July 16th, 2006 12:30 am (UTC)
I promise, we can have all the in-depth discussions you like once I finish watching it. It just struck me that I read in a bloody newspaper that Barbosa was brought back, and that didn't happen until the LAST SCENE and it totally ruined what could have been a great surprise. So yeah, a lot of spoiler-hate right now.

That's something I forgot to mention -- the number of times people would actually have DIED in those stunts in PotC. I'm willing to suspend belief, but not that bloody far. And what was with the random disloyal crew? What happened to Annamaria, for crying out loud?

It's sad that the only funny parts were when Jack was being totally selfish -- like leaving Will behind. And people were surprised. Why didn't he keep utilising the 'PIRATE!' line like before, to go some way to explaining his motives?

And I liked Jack and Norrington, so I didn't want Elizabeth muscling in on the action. Since when would a man of that era understand a woman's need for liberation? How many centuries after that did the suffragette movement happen? Ye goddes.

I liked the part where Norrington became part of Jack's crew because hello, shipper's paradise. But how much more awesome would it have been if he actually turned pirate instead of being a cookie-cutter bad guy? And yes, his fall from grace was utterly ludicrious. He turned in his commission, according to Governor Swann; I'm not au fait with the inner workings of the British navy, but I'm fairly sure they don't make you resign your commission for a) running into a hurricane or b) failing to capture a pirate after making several good attempts. (For sodomy, maybe yes, but that only happened in my brain after all.)

Really? I've heard nothing but bad about it. Or not so much bad as 'lame and lazy'. Although I'd still take Jack and his dreadlocks over Mr Cardboard Face any day. So you can have him. ;D
(no subject) - coralia13 on July 16th, 2006 01:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on July 16th, 2006 01:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - coralia13 on July 16th, 2006 04:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - coralia13 on July 17th, 2006 06:13 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on July 17th, 2006 09:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - coralia13 on July 18th, 2006 05:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on July 18th, 2006 10:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - jehnt on July 18th, 2006 11:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - coralia13 on July 18th, 2006 05:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
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Lord Marmaduke Newbrycatsmeat on July 16th, 2006 12:24 am (UTC)
Charles Dickens was a cad, cur and a cock!

Did you notice something about serenity, specifically the box? All the characters that are in Firefly but are killed off in the film aren't on the cover. FORSHADOWING OF A NEW AND ALL TOO ANNOYING KIND!
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Cooler than youscoradh on July 16th, 2006 12:31 am (UTC)
Yup.

Ha, I never noticed that, but it is true. And yet, I still can't care about Wash dying. And Shepherd should've been killed in the first ep, to save my time.
Gin: I'm bringing sexy backbackinblack on July 16th, 2006 12:32 am (UTC)
I thought that DMC gave me, as a shipper, much more fodder than CotBP did. Granted there are things I hate about the film (DMC, although come to think of it CotBP as well), but in terms of shipping I'm quite happy. It seems like there's a huge disconnect between fans; either they feel strangled by the new canon, or liberated.

To me DMC solidified certain ships. Jack/Will is kind of the default ship for me, so it wouldn't have mattered much what happened. (Yes, I am a Snarry shipper, why do you ask.) But! The fact that Jack willfully fucked Will over lead to me rubbing my hands together in glee. The Jack/Elizabeth shit I wasn't terribly surprised by, even if it was poorly done, and it gives me even MORE obstacles/anger/complication in terms of writing Jack/Will. Which is good, because you do not want your ship to be some happy, fluffy, it-totally-works thing (Harry/Ginny, dude!!!! BORE ME TO DEATH!).

Now, I LIKED this image of Norrington. I do think it was a weird departure from the end of CotBP, make no mistake, but my head filled in a lot of stuff from reading various bits about DMC. Norrington had to hunt Jack, he wasn't just going to let him go. And in the process of the hunt, he drove the ship through a hurricane. Dude, I think he managed to kill off most of his crew. That amount of guilt and failure would fuck with anybody. Norrington is only human. I find his ambition to reclaim his respect, honor, etc supercedes any of that stiff graciousness we saw at the end of CoTBP. He is a good man, but in a lot of ways we are shown he's a good man in the same way Jack is. It's a matter of perspective, of context, and the only real failure of Norrington's characterization in DMC was textual backstory. It was all subtext. Hopefully this will be fixed in the third, and if not, I will totally side with everyone else and call it a big stupid character mistake. For now, with what I see/know of DMC, Norrington still makes sense.

Elizabeth can suck it, even if as I said I am not surprised. She annoyed me in the last with her quirky-feisty good girl routine. How fucking boring. The Jack thing gave her some depth but it was a negative depth. It showed her as an impulsive, young girl who secretly yearns to be in a relationship with a somewhat unsavory man (her obsession with pirates isn't exactly sensible). Will is far too noble for her. I consider the Will/Elizabeth ship dead, and Elizabeth killed it. It should be interesting to see what happens in the third with that as well, because I want my pound of flesh for what she did to Jack. I want her to understand what a child she really is, supposedly SOINLOVEOMG with Will and yet lusting for what Jack represents. And then all that bullshit at the end, grr.

Something was up with Jack's character, man. I can't figure out who to blame. I love that we saw him as a pirate, doing pirate-y and deceitful things. That I applaud. But it was as if they were shoving the image of Captain Jack Sparrow, with all of his luvs and savvies, down our collective throats to capitalize on the previous success. He was presented so as to be an icon, not a real character. The writers wrote Jack as a swashbuckler in CotBP, and Johnny did the rest. This time the writers wrote for Johnny's portrayal. MISTAKE. I am a bit dissatisfied. Plz dear GOD fix it in the third. :(
Gin: Are like music to mebackinblack on July 16th, 2006 12:33 am (UTC)
Okay, re: Firefly, I think you need to see more. And I saw Serenity before I saw Firefly. It DID spoil the series for me, which sucks, but it didn't ruin my overall enjoyment of the show.

Mal/Inara is not my ship but if it was I can see the logic. Mal keeps Inara on to give him a thin veneer of respectability; without her, he'd be stopped (pulled over?) and suspected of far more. She's a huge asset. And I'll never understand why Inara doesn't tell Mal to stfu, but maybe she likes disdain in a man. And Mal likes her, he really does, but he HATES what she does and considers it quite vile. So we've got his totally being a jerk and yet that weird UST. It makes sense to me, but fuck it's boring.

Ahahahahaha, you're totally right about Book. Although he gets a tad bit more interesting as the series goes on. Or maybe that's just me.

Also, Wash/Zoe totally works for me in terms of opposites attract. Maybe that's a case of needing to see more of them and their relationship dynamics? I dunno, but I think the ship is a sturdy one. Just not my OTP.

Oh and Dickens is awful. Utter tripe.
(no subject) - scoradh on July 16th, 2006 12:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on July 16th, 2006 12:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - veronica_rich on July 20th, 2006 05:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - backinblack on July 20th, 2006 07:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
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Ticcadaniellafromage on July 16th, 2006 12:47 am (UTC)
I'd've liked PotC2 a Hell of a lot more if it wasn't screaming "I'm the middle part of a trilogy!!" The worst part was the cliffhanger - which was a fairly good one, but I felt was kind of jarring from an objective stand-point.

And possibly Orlando is a far worse actor than I ever thought, but I had no idea what his character was supposed to be thinking throughout the film. I mean, the inconsistencies with regards to his attitude to Jack alone - !

Idk. Whereas the first film was most definitely a "family movie", this one, with its reused jokes and fanonesque shipping, seemed to be mostly concerned with sucking up to the fans. I wouldn't bother watching this with my parents because I know that they don't remember most of the plot from the previous film and probably wouldn't care enough to want to follow what was going on.

I heard that Disney didn't give advanced screenings for this one as it was apparently "too late" to change anything due to the fact that this film leads directly into the third. Bad idea.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Fairyscoradh on July 16th, 2006 12:56 am (UTC)
I was sitting there going 'It's been over two hours ... they're not going to resolve this ... THEY'RE NOT GOING TO RESOLVE THIS! FUCK!'

Word on that. The 'doing it for love' excuse was so thin it should have been put on a drip. And why couldn't we have seen Bill landing the whip on Orlando?

My parents both said they won't see the next one. I agree with Gin when she said the writers wrote for Johnny, not Jack, so he'd hardly any room to play around. The first one knew it was silly. This one thought it was more, and ended up not even being funny.

They should have made the third an entirely new adventure. Would that have taxed their imaginations so much? Jesus, why didn't they just hire a fanfic writer to do the script for them?

Granted, then there would be a lot more hot gay action, but would that be a bad thing? Let us ask ourselves.
(no subject) - daniellafromage on July 16th, 2006 01:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
amazing vaguely humanoid armadilloperson: camp Cthulhucryptid on July 16th, 2006 01:13 am (UTC)
Heh. I loved the movie, despite a few objections. Too long-winded and cartoonish swashbuckling scenes, Barbossa > Squidface (so the ending sat quite well with me, even with the cliffhanger), I do agree that the cannibal bits could've been cut without hurting the movie at all, and the bonus scene after the end titles was not worth the wait at all, unlike with the first movie. (Yay, monkey!) 'Course, I maintain that I Do Not Ship, although... Jack+Elizabeth+Will+Tia Dalma=OT4 w00t! Well, not that it has the least bit of chance of happening explicitly, but the thought pleases me nonetheless. (And, since I am shallow, Capt'n Jack and Tia Dalma = SO MUCH PRETTY, *guh*!) And Jack is obviously not permanently dead, for it is not that kind of a movie, and also that would make the ending completely pointless. (And this paragraph suffers from Attack of the Random Parentheses Syndrome (ARPS). Here, have another one.)

My reaction to the Elizabeth/Jack randomness was much the same as it was to JK's handling of Remus/Tonks. Seriously, it came from left of nowhere.

Really? I thought that there was some quite strong chemistry between Elizabeth and Jack in the first movie, even if, like he said somewhere, his first and greatest love is the sea... It wasn't just the rum speaking at that desert island, I'm pretty sure. Plus, she has a total pirate fetish. :P

I was rather disappointed with both Elizabeth and Norrington at the end, but I don't think it went against their respective characters. They will have to work to make me like them again, but even with diminished sympathy I may still be able to enjoy their place in the story. 'Course, that depends on what way they go with the characters in the next movie. Well, 'm pretty sure they won't keep us waiting another three years, at least... supposedly they're already well on their way with it.

Now, if only I could find that Sparrington video to What Is This Feeling... hm.

(Also, i haven't read much Dickens, but what little I have read has not made me ravenous for more. Much of the time, he's rather meh.)
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on July 16th, 2006 01:23 am (UTC)
Half the time I could not understand what Tia Dalma was saying. Would it have totally undermined her character if she could have said 'his heart' instead of 'him heart'? I mean really?

If the whole damn franchise wasn't based on Jack Sparrow, I would have cried to see him get all eaten. As it was, I couldn't even believe that it happened.

I was sure that Elizabeth's big w00by crush on Will would negate against her doing anything with anyone else. If they wanted her to be so fickle they should have done so from the beginning. Now it just comes off as very patchy characterisation.

The next one is coming out this time next year, in the footsteps of such giants as LotR and HP. They wouldn't dare to do anything original, it seems.

(I feel reassured by these poor reactions to Dickens, I can tell you.)




A Better Word for Weird: can't take this guy (wash)a_leprechaun on July 16th, 2006 02:13 am (UTC)
Gotta stand up for Wash/Zoe. Not every guy feels emasculated by a woman's strength (my b/f knows quite well I could pwn his ass with my kung fu skillz). Plus, the claim is never made that they're 100% perfect for each other, or soulmates or anything. They're just two people who happen to have fallen in love--which, sorry, does happen.

As for PotC: I can see where your opinions are coming from, but that doesn't mean I have to share them. :P
A Better Word for Weird: wtf? (bonkers)a_leprechaun on July 16th, 2006 02:15 am (UTC)
Also, who told you Serenity didn't spoil for Firefly? Cause it kinda picks up where the series left off. Isn't that in essence spoilering? o_O
(no subject) - scoradh on July 16th, 2006 08:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on July 16th, 2006 08:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
someone's always looking for DB Coopernumena on July 16th, 2006 05:13 am (UTC)
(My internet connection cut out and destroyed my comment with the deep and meaningful analysis of SGA and all the reasons I love it. Ah well, it was boring anyway. Here are the real reasons without any of the intellectual clutter of trying to sound like I take this show seriously.)

I secretly love Stargate Atlantis. I won't attempt to tell you it's a good show though. In fact, I agree with every single one of your complaints.* Honestly there are only four reasons I love it:

1. ALIEN VAMPIRES FROM OUTER SPACE! (This will never stop making me giggle.) And with dreadlocks and crazy make-up to boot!
2. While I admit the characters are annoying (and stupid and selfish and oh god, they fuck up constantly) *that* is exactly why I love them. They're so *human* (aside from Sheppard). They seem like people I went to high school with and I love characters who aren't the Typical Hero/Anti-Hero. (Really what it comes down to is that I love characters who seem like me.)
3. THE FANDOM. OH GOD, THE FANDOM. The only *real* reason to watch SGA is for the fandom. In my entire fandom life (which is-- whoa, freakishly long) I've never found a fandom with so much brilliance. Stargate Atlantis is like the fandom that ate fandom. Every one you know shows up.
4. MCKAY, MCKAY, MCKAY. It's the snark, I can't help it.

..Though, wow, I'm sorry you *paid* for SGA because it's really not worth it. It's a pity you couldn't just download them. ):

*Except McKay. I adore McKay. It's the sarcasm. I have a sarcasm kink - give me snark and I'll roll over fast than a--- ah, well, you get the point. Also (in the realm of distressing honesty) I find him incredibly attractive. Don't ask why though, I haven't figured it out.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Navalscoradh on July 16th, 2006 09:24 pm (UTC)
1. Which is precisely why I don't like them. Funny how we're surrounded by villains (most of them run our countries) and yet the people with the most imagination, read: film-makers, can't come up with convincing ones for love nor money.

2. Well, I certainly didn't get that read off them. Then again I am not American. Or Atlantean. Or whatever. How handy is it that Atlanteans speak English, btw? Very handy.

3. Yeah, that's why I bought it. I'm hoping for that hot, intelligent fic I was promised.

4. He doesn't show his true colours in the first three eps, that's all I'm sayin'.

I guess I could, but the time and effort and harddrive space are actually worth more to me than the money.

It's not that he's bad-looking, he's just plain. Totally characterless face. At least Sheppard has his jaw to see him through.
Sparkles: Nekkid!Malhxcpunkchick on July 16th, 2006 06:14 am (UTC)
I hate Inara, if that's a strong enough word for it. I was hoping she would have died in the movie instead of Wash, but alas. Not so.

No opinions on Jane?
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Cooler than youscoradh on July 16th, 2006 09:08 pm (UTC)
I just watched that nekkid ep. :)

I think Inara is lovely and shiny. The dynamic is awesomely clunky, but Joss was so obviously still feeling his way on this one. Fer cryin' out loud, there were horses.

Jayne? I think he's quite excellent. If stupid. Even I could see that you'd never get a reward from people like the feds. I also like his hat. I fangirl his hat. However, as a character alone he's nothing but hired muscle. It's Mal who makes him who he is.
abbey1969 on July 16th, 2006 09:36 am (UTC)
PIRATES! If you want some good Sparrington, I can point you in the direction of one that started in the last couple of days. It's really, really good. It has filled my mind with whimsy and wonder and sex.

Also - you know, considering my deep lus- er... love for all things Jack, I should have been deeply horrified by the J/E kiss. But I have to say that it really pushed my buttons. I felt quite confronted at the time. I would have to see it again, maybe I was just hormonal at the time, but it may be up there as best kisses EVAH with the reunion kiss from Brokeback Mountain. The Tonks/Remus thing was like a pathetic attempt to pair everyone up, and was completely contrived and boring (and also in direct violation of the SIRIUS LOVES REMUS rule). The J/E thing seems to me to be a little more believable. Elizabeth is a little more hip to Jack's jive, if'n you know what I mean. Also I find them both very attractive. Or that's the impression that I get, at any rate.

There are a few plot points that I feel need clearing up. And a few (potential) characterisation inconsistencies with the first movie, but I have to say I'm thoroughly in love with it, regardless.

*hugs you*
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Oh noes pandascoradh on July 16th, 2006 09:04 pm (UTC)
Oh, please do! I won't be able to do anything with it myself but I'd love to read it from someone who can. Linkies, please!

That might explain it too - I thought BBM was dead boring as well. I think it's simply a matter of tastes clashing, and what people want out of films being at odds with other people's. It doesn't make me right to point out the things that felt wrong in this film, or wrong for you to love it in spite of them. If I had that kind of control I'd be out in Hollywood, directing operations. :D

I just don't like to see any more het shipping than absolutely necessary, I guess.

Still lovin' Jack on the skewer, though.
(no subject) - abbey1969 on July 18th, 2006 12:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on July 18th, 2006 09:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Online I'm a Giantparthenia14 on July 16th, 2006 11:13 pm (UTC)
Scoradh!!! I have just read May Contain Nuts (as recced by Geoviki) and I can't believe that I have never read it before. It is just fantastic, and you have restored my faith in fanfic. So sweet and funny and SO WELL WRITTEN.

Yeah. Erm, that's all.

*slinks off*
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Pretty facescoradh on July 16th, 2006 11:18 pm (UTC)
I liked that one myself. Mainly because I got to name an OC after a bone in the mouth, but. Yeah.

I'm glad it restored your faith (if unsure as to why), and that it brought merry tidings into your life! Huzzah! Have a nice icon. ♥
jehnt: sga - john - buggifiedjehnt on July 19th, 2006 12:15 am (UTC)
part one of the massive mega comment of doom
PoTC:

The thing about your parents falling asleep is funny because this is one movie my parents DIDN'T fall asleep during. Also, I agree that they played it safe. It was enjoyable, but I don't know that it'd continue being enjoyable on the fourth or fifth viewing like the first one was. And was it just me, or did the guy with the wooden eye have a COMPLETE personality transplant?

Stargate Atlantis:

I find it amusing that your reactions to SGA are EXACTLY like what mine were at the same point. If I hadn't already been invested in the fic, I would have stopped watching after the third or fourth episode. I'm not exactly sure when I went from thinking the show was like WORST SHOW EVER OMG to actively liking it, but I know the show starts to get better during/after the sixth episode (the one with the kids). Yesterday I saw the first episode of the third season and it was awesome. So. you know, hang in there. (Although, of course, I feel obligated to mention that it is an action-adventure show, and so if you don't like the explosions you might not think it as awesome as I do.)

And now, the point-by-point:

Sheppard IS an annoying dickhead. Harry Potter, in my opinion, is also an annoying dickhead. This doesn't really stop me from liking either character. Also, I have it on good authority that John Sheppard IS Harry Potter. I actually wrote a paper on this for a class, because I am INSANE. (But seriously, he's got green eyes, messy hair, no parents that we've heard of, stunted growth, magic powers, and is clearly Gryffindor. Among other similarities.) Also, you forgot to mention how his voice is really annoying. Which it is.

McKay IS smarter than everyone else, so I find it easy to forgive his ego. I never found him annoying although that could be because I have a great many dear friends who fit the same personality mold and so I jumped right into finding it endearing, skipping the "god, won't he just SHUT UP" phase entirely. Hopefully he'll grow on you.

Shep and Teyla have like nooooooooo chemistry whatsoever. I think they're great as friends, but would really suck as a romantic couple. It hasn't happened yet, and I'm crossing my fingers that it WON'T. Also, while they TRY to make Shep out to be this great ladies' man, it's pretty obvious that he's gay, gay, gay (or at least bisexual, although until I see him have sex with a women I will maintain it's all a front). I mean, there are the pointy fairy ears, and the feminine looks, and then the SLOUCH of GAYNESS. Which may not make an appearance until Season 2, but oh. So. Very. Gay.

Sure, McKay's not ... conventionally attractive. He looks kind of like a toad. But, really, if you keep watching, you'll soon start to feel a ridiculous urge to sex him up at every available opportunity. I know you don't believe me (and if you do, I've probably just scared you away) but it's true. Unless you are inhuman. I mean, even my (straight) brother wishes to sex McKay up! (This gathered from the time he said "I LOVE Rodney! He's my favorite!") Also, to you saying you cannot slash unattractive men: greasy!DRACO/GOYLE, anyone?

Also, I never would have thought either McKay or Shep was ideal!American looking. I thought Ford had that in the bag for the first season and Lorne for the second. They both have that all-American boy-next-door look. They're my homeboys. TOTALLY. If I knew them in real life, I'd drag them out to the mall and then the movies and we'd have popcorn and it'd be cool.
jehnt: sga - lorne - layout matchjehnt on July 19th, 2006 12:22 am (UTC)
part two of the massive mega comment of doom
I thiiiink the guy with the glasses you were talking about is Daniel from SG-1. He's alright, I guess. I haven't seen much SG-1 yet, but what I've seen is even less jazzy than the first SGA episodes.

I don't think Dr. Weir is married to Simon, although I DID think that after the first episode. But from the information in some of the later episodes, it looks like they were just longtime partners, or whatever, which fits with Weir's character. And also frees her up for guiltfree wild sexin' with Ronon, of course. She's probably the most hated character in SGA fandom, but I really like her. I think it's clear that sometimes the writers don't know what to do with her, however, which is sad. But male writers never seem to know how to make realistic female characters, so this is par for the course.

As to Shep wanting to save that guy -- that's like, a military rule, or something. Never leave a man behind, etc. That's why when Dr. Weir is all "no, I don't think you should go" he gets all pissed off and is like "YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN THE WRONG HERE" and stuff. I think it's one of the more basic things you're supposed to keep in mind. Or that's how it always is in movies, anyway.

As to the US military involvement: Yes, the US Armed Forces (pffft, to my knowledge, there aren't any straight-up Army members in Stargate, mainly Air Force and Marines) would not be the logical choice if YOU had a Stargate. If, however, the US Government was in possession of the Stargate? Then, yeah, the Armed Forces would be the default option. In case you haven't seen the Stargate movie, that's the setup.

The SG military kind of exists in a little fantasy world where USAF pilots fly helicopters in combat (a job probably more likely to be done [in the situations described] by Army or Marine pilots) and women serve on the front lines, so, you know, it's not entirely reality-based here. Also, they're not really going as ambassadors to the Pegasus Galaxy: They're going to find cool technology, probably to be used for defensive purposes. In other words, they want new weapons. The scientists are going to figure out how to work the things, and the military is going to make sure the scientists don't get killed.

And, friendly note: watch it with confusing the Marines with the Army. If you did that in the US and in front of a Marine, you'd have a very pissed off muscular man to contend with. They're two different branches of the Armed Forces. The Marines are much more selective than the Army (THEORETICALLY, ANYHOW, although all the Marines I know are smarter than the Army guys I know) and they take great offense to being confused with their lessers. Also, the Marine recruitment office calls me EVERY MONTH to try to recruit me, but I'm too smart to fall for that. So far I've avoided picking up the phone but if I accidentally do I'll explain that I have no wish to be voluntarily aligned with people who've recently been in the news for TORTURE AND RAPE, yeah. Although those were probably Army guys and not Marines. Whatever.

Lack of Basic Humanity: WORD. This gets rectified some in the second season and I hear it's a big goal of the third (so far, so good. there was GUILT in the first episode). I think the problem is that both the Stargate shows tend to just show the characters when they're on duty and blowing shit up, which limits the range of emotion we're allowed to see. It's annoying. But, like I said, it gets better.

The Wraith: ARE SO NOT SCARY. This is correct. They aren't scary. But that's okay. They don't have to be scary for me to recognize that they MUST DIE, because they EAT PEOPLE and we really can't just get along. Also, there are human villains later on who I feel make more effective foes.

Firefly:

How... how can you not like Wash/Zoe? WASH/ZOE IS SO AWESOME. *hugs Wash and Zoe and the toy dinosaurs*

This is like the longest comment ever. I'm so, so very sorry.
Re: part two of the massive mega comment of doom - scoradh on July 19th, 2006 09:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: part two of the massive mega comment of doom - jehnt on July 20th, 2006 04:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: part two of the massive mega comment of doom - scoradh on July 20th, 2006 07:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: part two of the massive mega comment of doom - jehnt on July 20th, 2006 09:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: part two of the massive mega comment of doom - scoradh on July 20th, 2006 09:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: part two of the massive mega comment of doom - scoradh on July 19th, 2006 09:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: part two of the massive mega comment of doom - jehnt on July 20th, 2006 02:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: part one of the massive mega comment of doom - scoradh on July 19th, 2006 09:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: part one of the massive mega comment of doom - jehnt on July 20th, 2006 03:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: part one of the massive mega comment of doom - scoradh on July 20th, 2006 07:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: part one of the massive mega comment of doom - jehnt on July 20th, 2006 09:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)