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04 September 2006 @ 10:53 pm
Misery begets no company  
I really like the line in Saved! (one of my fav films) where Mandy Moore -- yes, the bubblegum singer -- says "This is not how I wanted to remember my prom. This is not how I wanted to remember my life." 

It's an awesome line, full of feelings and emotions and other useful things. I often think of it myself. This is not how I want to remember my life.* Writing and reading porn might not be as bad for you as taking Es or even getting drunk every night, but it's still an addiction and an unwholesome one at that. All reading is dangerous, in fact. Never doubt that for a second. 

Still, I'm too lazy to actually figure out how I would like to remember my life. 'Not like this' does cover it, but it's rather non-specific. Then tonight I watched Junior Doctors, a programme about (wait for it) junior doctors at St Vincent's in Dublin. Holy fuck, that's not how I want to remember my life either. I get this sinking feeling that my future is not going to be anything like Grey's Anatomy. 

(No, the fic-dumping is not over. I'm sorry if it bothers people, especially HP people, but in truth I have no idea why most of you are here. No. Idea. My life hardly makes for enthralling reading, and you can find all my fics in the Mistresslists or my memories. In any case, I want to see my fics all prettily laid out on my journal, even if no one else does.)

* the key is not to remember anything ever at all. spend most of my life trying to do that, i'faith.

Current Location: not telling
Current Mood: listlesslistless
Current Music: Act Naturally (Semisonic)
empathic_siren on September 4th, 2006 10:07 pm (UTC)
Um . . . you okay?
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Blue dancerscoradh on September 4th, 2006 10:17 pm (UTC)
Mmmyeah. I mean, that programme wierded me out a little. I know two things: I'll be able to cope, but I'll also be sick with terror for god knows how long. Not a tempting prospect.

And ... I just feel funny. I think I miss the days when I knew everyone on my flist. It's like there's two hundred people out there who are just ... looking at me. I have no idea why. D'you know that's the first time I've used the word 'fuck' in twenty entries? Maybe more? Yet I use it all the time IRL.

Chalk it up to PMS or something, meh. ♥
empathic_siren on September 4th, 2006 10:27 pm (UTC)
If it's any consolation (and it's not much, admittedly) I am working in a profession that, on one hand, I love, and on the other, I loathe. I remember, after having gone to school for what felt like forever, starting my job and realizing within the first week that I was going to be miserable. I've stuck it out and five years later I'm still miserable on occasion, but I've also had some really amazing moments, too. It all comes back around.

as for the f-list, its both curious and strange, isn't it? Don't think about it. I'm all for sticking one's head in the sand occasionally. ; )
...: [House] Cheesechowburger on September 4th, 2006 10:56 pm (UTC)
Oh, the sagely advice your icon gives. New episodes of House starting Wednesday, if that somehow cheers things up :)

I was just on the phone to my friend who's off to UCD tomorrow to do Medicine, and Junior Doctors freaked her out untold amounts. It is probably doing terrible things to med students all over the country.

Uh, I have nothing else useful to say except Saved! I heart Jena Malone.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: House on chairsscoradh on September 6th, 2006 05:26 pm (UTC)
I think it would, if House were on terrestrial channels. :P

The worst thing was when the girl took arterial blood from the old man without asking anyone to help ... that looked like it HURT. And I did see that you were having a crap day then too, and I'm sorry I was too spaced out to say anything at the time. Angst about starting college comes out in all sorts of ways and it's very, very normal to have it. Just accept that the first few weeks are going to be crazy and scary and difficult and you'll be surprised at how quickly they pass. ♥

Awesome. I love that film so so much.
jehnt: bsg - starbuck - thinkingjehnt on September 5th, 2006 12:15 am (UTC)
Saved! is an awesome movie.

I don't really know how I want to remember my life, either. I mean, I guess I do, it's just not really specific. I'd like to have fun, make a difference (that's kind of vague -- I mean like, improve other pepople's lives, whether in a big life-altering way or a small made-them-crack-a-smile way), and not have any regrets. I try very hard not to do anything that doesn't fit into this and it's worked out so far.

Fandom fits into this because it's fun for me and I think that occasionally I entertain other people, so that makes it worthwhile. Being a doctor will be more of the "making a difference" and less of the fun, but I'm hoping to recoup my losses after my residency is over. If I even make it that far, which will require passing chemistry this year. And so far I have a rather dubious track record in that subject.

I don't really know what the point of this comment is. I had one a moment ago but now I've forgotten.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Bitchsmitescoradh on September 6th, 2006 05:31 pm (UTC)
I kind of struggle from day to day without any real plan, so that's why I like going into fits of high melodrama. I think that if anything honestly bad ever happened to me I'd die of shock.

I thought the same thing about physiology -- I failed it all the way through and still passed the year. There is still hope for you! (I got my highest marks in biochem, though. Go figure. It's a nasty, dry subject.)

Never mindey.
jehnt: misc - fashion - sunglassesjehnt on September 6th, 2006 11:47 pm (UTC)
I think that if anything honestly bad ever happened to me I'd die of shock.

I used to think that. But then -- well, did I ever tell you about the time I dropped out of high school? Twice? So, yeah, point is, awful situation. Ever since then everything has seemed really not that dramatic. Not that I recommend mental breakdowns as a way to put things in perspective, but hey.

And I think day-to-day plans are overrated. Go where the wind takes you.

Or something.

I don't know what I'm saying anymore.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: boykissscoradh on September 8th, 2006 09:06 pm (UTC)
I know it's cliched, but the whole starving African babies? Whenever something like that comes up on the news, I immediately feel more grounded. And they always seem to come up just when I need grounding the most.

Not that I recommend mental breakdowns as a way to put things in perspective, but hey

[hugs] I know this is a lame thing to say, but you're really awesome at graphic-type things. That, even that, is enough to make you more special than a lot of people I know. So. Yeah. ♥
jehnt: sga - john/rodney - geeksjehnt on September 9th, 2006 08:16 pm (UTC)
It's not a lame thing to say! I try hard to be awesome at graphic-type things so it's nice to hear that someone thinks I've succeeded. XD

And yeah, starving African babies = REALLY SAD. Whenever I hear about things like that I walk around my house going "I love my computer! I love my cheese crackers! I love my bedspread!" because then I feel like, ridiculously lucky to have all that I do.
bat crime: sexy legsiceetoile on September 5th, 2006 11:10 am (UTC)
Do you never think that maybe the kids who are out there taking Es and getting drunk secretly want their life to be like ours? Sometimes everybody needs a bit of time writing and reading porn... or non-porn at a stretch.

Actually, sometimes I get like this too, after a little while living in various fandoms. But you have to remember that you are doing something worthwhile with your writing and even with your reading, so it is not time entirely lost.

Also, I would hope your life is more like Scrubs than Grey's Anatomy. That's how I always picture it.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Armageddonscoradh on September 6th, 2006 05:35 pm (UTC)
Apart from the fact that the Es would totally fry their brains ... maybe. People used to wish they got marks as good as mine, but certainly not as hard as I wished I was pretty/popular/socially suave. Besides. Anyone can get good marks. It's the luck of the draw when it comes to the other things.

Whether or not it's worthwhile (I hope it is!), I find I can't stop. Let's hope someone appreciates or enjoys it ...

Unfortunately I can't see the real thing being nearly so amusing or surreal. Then again, people in my class are better looking than the cast of Scrubs ... so all is not lost.
4rightchords_ on September 5th, 2006 06:57 pm (UTC)
the first time I watched Weeds, I thought of my probably-headed-to-business-school-boyfriend, and thought "holy fuck I don't want my life to end up that way." you're so, so not alone.

also, my fairly useless two cents about flist size (since I am one of the faceless two hundred): who cares if people are watching you? who cares what they/we think? you'll never meet us and probably never talk to most of us, so we don't matter in the slightest. post what and how you want, and say what you want, because we faceless multitudes just don't matter. personally, I'm here because I like to know a little about the people whose writing I love, and I love yours to bits.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Banana headscoradh on September 6th, 2006 05:39 pm (UTC)
I guess it doesn't pay to think too much about the future. Who knows, the oil could run out and life as we know it would never be the same!

because we faceless multitudes just don't matter

Ah, but that's just it. If you're here, you do matter. I worry constantly that I'm boring you, annoying you, not paying you enough attention (all two hundred of 'you'). I fret over trivial things -- or what other people would call trivial things, anyway. [shrugs] I guess I'll just have to learn to live with it!
jimwisejimwise on September 5th, 2006 07:01 pm (UTC)
I have nothing entirely useful to say here.. I have never seen Saved, but I really truly love what you quoted from it. I try to live my life like that, as best as possible. I don't know, I think it's kind of a positive thing. Everyone should take steps back now and then and reevaluate, you know?
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Armscoradh on September 6th, 2006 05:40 pm (UTC)
Oh, you should watch Saved! It works on so many levels and is full of awesome. :)

Ehh, I hate reevaluating my life. I see too much that I've done totally wrong. Thus the angst of this post!
some Great Lexicographer descending from the skies: a whole new worldroastchicken on September 5th, 2006 09:45 pm (UTC)
Awesome quote. Awesome film. I find Macaulay Culkin stupidly hot in that one.

Also: I'm sorry to hear that, because though sometimes I feel the exact same way (except for the part where I don't actually write anything and just actually read a lot of porn), I think you're an absolutely wonderful and incredibly talented writer -- and no matter what you're writing about, I'm of the perhaps overly idealistic opinion that if someone out there is enjoying it, or it makes them smile, laugh, cry, or even think, then you've got and given a lot more than most others have.

But that's just me. And speaking of people who love your work, I feel like a prize idiot for this, but of course I shouldn't be surprised that you wrote something I love. ♥
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art thou a witch?scoradh on September 6th, 2006 05:44 pm (UTC)
I found MC stupidly hot when I was nine and he was in Home Alone, so I've got nothin'.

I'm of the perhaps overly idealistic opinion that if someone out there is enjoying it, or it makes them smile, laugh, cry, or even think, then you've got and given a lot more than most others have.

I agree, but I'm slightly more fatalistic than you. I imagine that I've made too many people curse, swear and rue my name. Heh.

That was funny! :D
some Great Lexicographer descending from the skies: mmm clark.roastchicken on September 13th, 2006 06:32 pm (UTC)
No way! Honestly, why would people do that? The only thing I can think of is where they want more of your fic, and there's no way that can be a bad thing. I'm still trying to form a sufficiently coherent response to your original fic, only I keep getting distracted by the pretty boykissing and Tim's wit. He's brilliant.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on September 13th, 2006 08:49 pm (UTC)
Tim's wit. He's brilliant.

Haha, excellent. Given that he's something of a self-insert. [innocent face]