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12 June 2007 @ 11:50 pm
PDA  
I’d like to canvass people’s opinions on a certain issue.

Public Displays of Affection y/n?

Because I’m single some may call me biased, but in this case being in a couple also makes you biased, so we’re all even. If the word ‘jealousy’ were used instead we might part ways, but I’m jealous of people who find suitable partners for sure. I’m definitely not jealous of PDA because they gross me out.

I’m not just talking about full-on tonsil hockey, but everything that constitutes couple-y behaviour: touching, stroking, hugging, shoulder-head-resting and holding hands. Oh, the holding hands. I’ve never yet seen a couple holding hands where one of them doesn’t look like a dog, and the other like an owner. Boy, girl, doesn’t matter, you can always spot the Thackeray submitter.

I have no problem with this behaviour per se; only when it’s public does it get on my wick. I honestly do feel that people who pull this crap in public are just showing off, staking a claim, or both, and I find it obnoxious. Maybe I’m too easily influenced by my imagination, maybe I let them belittle me (oh-ho, I’m in a couple and you’re not; you won’t get my man/woman!).

So come, tell me I’m a Looney Tune. Agree with me. Defend your right to slobber on your SO in full view of an audience. I just want to know if there’s any basis for trying to revive nice, proper, Victorian-style values for public behaviour. Leaving the bedroom out of it, people. We all know Victorians were horrifically kinky when no one could see.
 
 
Current Location: stupid swivelly chair
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: See the Sun (Joseph Arthur)
 
 
 
aldebaran1977aldebaran1977 on June 12th, 2007 10:58 pm (UTC)
I don`t mind PDAs. Would be hypocritical of me, if I would, as I love to behave like that myself. I`m a very needy person and I really need reassurance in a relationship all the time. Therefore I need my partner to hold my hand or touch or kiss me almost constantly everywhere. Just wanted to let you know that I`m one of the grossest persons you could ever meet in your opinion, at least, if my boy-friend is anywhere close, too! And I`d never want to abstain from it, so: No going back to Victorian times for me, except perhaps for the kinky bedroom stuff! ;-)
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on June 13th, 2007 06:53 pm (UTC)
I read over all the comments (and there were quite a few ... damn gmail, trying to trick me into believing there was only 1!) before I replied, so I'm taking that into consideration. Opinion is certainly split, with the vast majority being okay with hand-holding but not much else.

I`m a very needy person and I really need reassurance in a relationship all the time.

I guess that's the crux of the matter! I'm the complete opposite. Not that I don't need people -- I need them quite as desperately as you -- but I have this weird pride thing that refuses to let me show it. I'd nearly let someone walk away before revealing that need. That obviously filters down to this level, where seeing anyone do it revolts me. Although I don't think anyone's happy with seeing strangers getting jiggy in the street, most of this is my own psychosis. (Which I pretty much knew already ... but what part of a personality isn't, really?!)
(no subject) - aldebaran1977 on June 13th, 2007 09:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Not Quite Donne: dan blechnqdonne on June 12th, 2007 10:59 pm (UTC)
Oh, man, I *loathe* PDA, for most of the reasons you listed, as well. It's just so... unnecessary most of the time, like do they really *need* to be touching each other like that, right now? Somethings can and should be reserved for private, I think, and even when I am in a relationship (which, yeah, am totally not), PDA is so on my NO list.

Cause, srsly: we know you like each other, but get a frickin' room :P
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on June 13th, 2007 06:56 pm (UTC)
Yeah, that's the point de moi. I mean, isn't it more special and personal if you keep it between yourselves? Because there is, there has to be, an element of playing to the audience involved, which colours your actions and which you decide to take. Unless you're so very in love you *literally* can't see anyone else. :D
I, Ociwenreposoir on June 12th, 2007 11:06 pm (UTC)
Because I am single and biased and jealous, frankly, I don't want to see PDA. The giggling and coy kneetouching and widdle babytalk is the worst, imo. It makes me want to scream "GET A ROOM", you know? Spare me the mushbum displays.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on June 13th, 2007 06:58 pm (UTC)
Because I am single and biased and jealous

I am too (I hope it didn't come across that I was pretending I wasn't?). I guess I've been watching it for years now, and it's coloured my own opinions on the matter to the extent where I just wouldn't, if I were them. Besides, no boy I've ever known has expressed any desire whatsoever to be hung out of like that. And I don't think I'd fancy a boy who did.

Oh, hypotheticals. :((
Loyaulte Me Lieshocolate on June 12th, 2007 11:10 pm (UTC)
A very big and resounding YES.

We've been together for 17 years, and I still can't keep my hands off him when we're on a 'date' - and it isn't a territorial thing - I don't care who else is there, or who else sees us - it's just because we can - at first it was because it was all shiny and new - and now, if we manage to get out without the children, it's even better.

But then I've twice gone down on him on a coach, so maybe I'm not the one to ask!
Eloise Lovelaceeloiselovelace on June 13th, 2007 02:46 am (UTC)
Awwww. That's really sweet!

As long as the going down is on a somewhat privately located couch (or a non-private couch with an audience who is consenting) and not in the middle of a tea party with your great aunts, I am totally down with the PDA.

It makes me ridiculously happy to see other people happy in their relationships... and the most long-term couples I know are usually the ones who touch each other a lot in public. Not, like, intimately, but in an arm slung about the chair or handhold or similar.
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - scoradh on June 13th, 2007 07:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
The Fancatus Bureau of Incest: (ld) two and a half hoursbalefully on June 12th, 2007 11:13 pm (UTC)
If it's schmoo and subtle, and the couple is attractive and not obnoxious-looking, I actually really LIKE seeing it. And like, creating the ZOMG EPIC LOVE STORY of the couple in my head. Espesh when they are not a het couple, ahahahaha I AM BIASED SO SUE ME.
Eloise Lovelaceeloiselovelace on June 13th, 2007 02:47 am (UTC)
I totally admit to liking non-het PDA especially much. I think that more PDA would make people realize just how many non-heterosexuals there are out there. And I <3 your icon. God, I have seen that movie an embarrassing number of times.
(no subject) - scoradh on June 13th, 2007 07:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - balefully on June 14th, 2007 12:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on June 16th, 2007 06:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on June 13th, 2007 07:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - balefully on June 14th, 2007 12:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
you do not cross a sugarbaker womanmarksykins on June 12th, 2007 11:13 pm (UTC)
Holding hands has always been...I dunno, I guess normal to me. I've seen it my whole life, my parents included, so that doesn't bother me. How can you tell one is the dog, one is the owner if they're standing side-by-side? That's honest curiosity -- I don't think my powers of perception are honed enough to make assumptions about submission based on something so minor.

There are some cutesy public couple behaviors that make me gag (like I've seen people rubbing noses in public and that's just weird), but basically as long as I'm not seeing any tongues or unnecessary skin, I'm fine.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on June 13th, 2007 07:09 pm (UTC)
Mmm, as I was saying above, I haven't really seen that in my family. Most of my aunts seemed to have got married to Last Resorts. My mother is terribly brusque and wouldn't stand of that sort of 'nonsense'. So I've never seen any good examples, where it's just a nice companionable thing to do. I've been more put off by one of my female friends being overly touchy-feeling and wanting to hug us every time we part ways (like, after lectures and stuff). It irritates me. My personal space extends for several kilometres.

I've never seen a couple holding hands while stationary! Odd, huh? This is all based on moving target observation. I haven't really socialised with my friends + their bfs (yet ... although it looms), so maybe I'll recce that and see. It's not BDSM submission, btw; for whatever reason, most people I know drift into relationships with whoever's there, and one of them is always more into it than the other, and I can tell that from looking.

Ireland invented the muffintop. There is always unnecessary skin. Blech.
...: [Ghost World] Strut your stuffchowburger on June 12th, 2007 11:17 pm (UTC)
Ninety nine percent of the time PDAs are just... yeuch. Especially the kind that seems to be favoured by fifteen-year old couples in tracksuits, where the guy feels the need to drape his arms around the girl from behind WHILE THEY'RE WALKING, resulting in a kind of toddling, penguin-esque gait. It frustrates me beyond all comprehension.
That being said, I have these two friends who make an alarmingly un-sickening couple, probably because they like to make fun of their own PDAs. I don't know how they pull it off, but they just somehow manage to not make me want to retch any time they touch each other. It's rather impressive.
Sereniaserenia on June 13th, 2007 12:12 am (UTC)
I once had a boyfriend who did that to me. He was 6'5, and I was 5'4, and he'd want to walk with his arms around me from behind. I fixed him by walking just a little bit faster! XD
(no subject) - scoradh on June 13th, 2007 07:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
No Apologiesaidenfire on June 12th, 2007 11:20 pm (UTC)
I honestly do feel that people who pull this crap in public are just showing off, staking a claim, or both

...or maybe it just feels nice?
Omuch_reality on June 12th, 2007 11:21 pm (UTC)
IAWTC.
(no subject) - scoradh on June 13th, 2007 07:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Omuch_reality on June 12th, 2007 11:21 pm (UTC)
Al and I often hold hands or link arms or whatever, and we honestly don't mean anything sexual at all by it. It's just affection. We're generally very warm and snuggly with one another, because we like each other, and I'm actually often tactile with people I'm very fond of too, though he's not. It's no odds if we're alone or in a group, though actual making out we'd never do in public - that really is tacky. But warmth and affection, yeah, totally. We're really happy, we like being together, it's nice to have that link, and it's just that simple, really. Promise neither one of us owns or is owned, either. ;)
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on June 13th, 2007 07:17 pm (UTC)
That's fair enough. I dunno, I guess I sounded pretty hostile up there, but it's not directed at anyone personally. It's like saying I don't appreciate overweight people who show flesh. If anyone wants to do it it's not like I can stop them, or that I should stop them. I suppose I just wanted to get it out of my system, and lj is a good place to do that. And I am a wee bit jealous of the couple people here who seem to be having fun with PDA. :D
Lu (Not Your Average Retelling)elucreh on June 12th, 2007 11:23 pm (UTC)
Well, I hug, shoulder-rest-upon, and wrap my arms around the waist of...well, pretty much everybody I know fairly well. *g* If I had a significant other, I'd probably quickly nominate them as a mobile pillow, but on the other hand I have strong suspicions that anybody I was willing to have as a significant other would probably already be used to this behaviour...I have a tendency to insist on knowing people pretty well before I start considering them in a romantic light. It isn't a claiming thing, though--especially as I do it with people who aren't mine to claim--it's just comfort and human contact and the fact that I'm tired all the damn time.

On the other hand, holding hands weirds me out--I've tried it--and I have to say I agree at least a little with the leash analogy. And people kissing in front of me (and being kissed in front of people) always embarrasses me...it just seems too intimate to be shared by people who aren't involved.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on June 13th, 2007 07:20 pm (UTC)
See, I'm the opposite. I'd rather my friends save hugging me until someone I know dies, or something. I am so totally atactile that it bothers me when people are towards me (and, clearly, others!). One of my friends is like you, and I dunno, I just don't appreciate it, you know? And it's quite difficult to tell her to back off. (It's quite difficult to tell her anything, actually.) Sigh. I suppose I'll just have to sit back here with the haters, throwing gum.

That is definitely one point I'll be sticking to. Whatever about announcing couple status in other ways, kissing should be kept at home. Especially when people like me, my friends, and my flatmates are there ready to grade your performance. (Srsly. We all do.)
(Deleted comment)
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on June 13th, 2007 07:22 pm (UTC)
That dude clearly needs some 'So you think you might be gay?' literature. ;D

I do agree on the touching thing. There's always one person who is all touchy-feely and the other person who is totally not. Which just makes me laugh. I do think a lot of the touching-in-public thing is possessiveness/showing off by the touchy-feely person, but that's just me.

Hah, I knew I wasn't just imagining that! I always want to say 'Woman, have a little dignity, PLEASE.' (Because it's 99% of the time the girl.)
BOFbest_of_five on June 12th, 2007 11:28 pm (UTC)
i think a lot of it tends to be eyeroll worthy but where i draw the line is when it's happening right in my face/bubble of space. such a -ve of the nyc subway! i do not need to see it up close and personal, and i definitely don't need to be touching it (even accidentally). take it elsewhere.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on June 13th, 2007 07:23 pm (UTC)
Oh, you poor thing! I've never taken a subway, but I can imagine. You have my heartfelt sympathies.
Trina: hiro by teh_indyninasis on June 12th, 2007 11:30 pm (UTC)
I'm all for holding hands, hugging, wrapping your arms around your SO's shoulders, etc. I even enjoy watching people kiss - as long as it's not porno kissing, but just simple smooches because they're happy to be with each other. I do all of these with my husband, as do most of my friends and my parents, and it's honestly never even entered my mind that I'm being spiteful towards those singletons who might be watching us. It's just honest affection and joy for being with the person I love.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on June 13th, 2007 07:24 pm (UTC)
it's honestly never even entered my mind that I'm being spiteful towards those singletons who might be watching us.

We're a breed apart, srsly. Just ask Bridget Jones.

Actually, it might just be me.

I wouldn't worry about it. :D
starts with kanyotherknight on June 12th, 2007 11:31 pm (UTC)
Holding hands doesn't usually bother me if people don't make a big deal of it--like, loosely-linked fingers over the full-on hand grab. Anything more than that always seems a little - desperate, I guess. Obnoxious, yes, but also needy and clingy, like a puppy pissing all over a new toy.

Airports, however, are a slightly different case.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on June 13th, 2007 07:25 pm (UTC)
Obnoxious, yes, but also needy and clingy, like a puppy pissing all over a new toy.

Exactly, yes. I can't tell you how I loathe all clingy behaviour.

Yes, I've left aeroports out of consideration. This is the street, yo. :D
(no subject) - anyotherknight on June 13th, 2007 07:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Serenia: Punk Catserenia on June 13th, 2007 12:09 am (UTC)
I totally agree with you. I've happily been with Lachlan for 5 years, and we've been married a bit over a month, and I don't feel any need for feeling him up in public, or vice-versa.

It sickens me to be on a train or at a bus stop, where there's a couple irritatingly sucking face across from or behind me - and if you can't see them, you can hear the slurping! I don't mind holding hands occasionally, although more often I tend to hold onto Lachlan's arm, but I don't think that's too unreasonable - any old grandma and grandpa in the street walk like that. It's not like the people walking along with their hands in each others' back pockets, copping a feel in full view.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on June 13th, 2007 07:27 pm (UTC)
Oh, I totally don't mind linking arms. I do that with my mom. It's handy sometimes, if you're feeling tired. Mainly that. My mother can pull me up hills. :D

I'm glad to see you share my way of thinking ... it's certainly a relief for the poor singletons who are behind you in the queue.