• Mood: grumpy
• Music: all i really want (alanis morisette)

this isn't really life, but it's a damn good holograph

I read TV reviews habitually - not product reviews, I mean reviews of programmes; mainly out of masochism because I only have four channels to choose from (three if I want to watch TV in English). Sunday's review mentioned Nationwide, which is a hokey programme that goes around the country asking people about their cows and stuff. I have no idea, tbh, I don't watch it. But the review mentioned knitting clubs that are springing up all over - 'stitch'n'bitch as they're called in America.' The first I heard of stitch'n'bitch was in rageprufrock's SGA fic about the same. I love that they're connected - it's proof that the universe makes absolutely no sense. (It's a lot like Battlestar Galactica in that way.)

But that wasn't the point of my post.

I've been trying to write the next chapter of RLT, and I think I have to get this rant out of the way first.

I haven't written a WIP since my first foray into fandom, something only coralia13 and purlicue will now remember. My ficcing career has not been free from criticism, which I think I've always handled politely and even gracefully. But it's different with one-shots. People do not get invested in one-shots because, well -- they're over like that. People do get invested in WIPs. From a writing standpoint this is new for me. I might as well be honest: it's a little hard to deal with.

People have raised many good critical points about the story and characterisation of RLT, some of which I've taken on board, others of which I never will. But hard as it is to separate criticism from criticiser, it seems equally difficult to separate writing from writer. If I were incredibly good at this, there wouldn't be so many issues - not to mention, I'd probably be posting my manuscripts to a publisher and not to a weblog that doesn't even welcome my kind. A lot - maybe all - of my plots and characterisation turn on the simple expedient of 'this is what my brain came up with, so this is what I'm writing.' Convenience is the buzzword here. It's not a good way to write, but it certainly ain't a unique way. I'm sorry I'm not a better writer, but I swear I'm doing my best.

Would I write differently if I had been brought up differently and had a different relationship with my family? Yes, of course. My moral code is questionable, and pretty much boils down to 'what if?' If X happened, I'd do Y. If Y happened, I'd do Z. Guess what? As far as I'm concerned, that's how everyone acts.

Fandom has been good at seeing all sides of all characters. The defences for Draco and Snape run into the thousands. Most make the point that the sins of the father should not be visited on the children. It's a good point. The virtues of the father should not be visited on the children either. The NG kids are a blank canvas. I am, again, truly sorry that my James and my Rose aren't what everyone wants them to be - but if I were your kids, I'd find it damn hard to live up to those expectations myself.

I'm not telling people 'if you don't like it, write your own' or to go read the OBHWF stuff that litters the net. I respect my readers as much as I respect anyone, but I'm also human. And I'm tired of what feels like personal attacks on an impersonal piece of writing. You find the situations disturbing? I find your reactions to it disturbing. Where is the forgiveness, the understanding, the idea of giving people a chance? Everyone deserves one. I'm not saying the capability of giving that chance is present in everyone, or indeed anyone, but it should be acknowledged that in an ideal world it would be so. And who's to say Albus isn't the one with the flawed POV?

If I could describe myself in one word, it would be 'observant'. If I had two, I'd add in 'judgemental.' Three? 'Critical.' Four? 'Unforgiving.' This, believe it or not, makes me a pretty astute observer of human nature inasmuch as I've seen it. Nice people are often boring, annoying or both. Good people are only good to a point, bad people to a point (usually the same point) and there's nothing worse than people with nothing to say saying nothing endlessly. My characters' good or bad qualities should not be as much a matter for concern as the plausibility of the same. You want to tell me that I haven't covered my ass in a plausibility suit? That's what I want to hear. That you have a personal problem with what my characters are doing? For the last time, I'm sorry, but I really, really can't help you there.