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07 July 2008 @ 10:29 pm
the lark of heartness  
This isn't really a very fandom-y journal, unless you count me as a fandom. I wouldn't, unless you feel like slashing me with Chuck Bass. OH WELL. I think I'm very bored, to be feeling guilty about that. MOVING ON.

So, I fancy getting my teeth whitened. Also laparoscopic liposuction (a plastic surgeon told me lipo is actually designed for people who work out but have weight they can't shift, which HI MY HIPS HELLO) and all the hair lasered off my legs, because terminal laziness and shaving aren't a great combination. I made the mistake of mentioning this to my mother. Specifically the teeth whitening part, as that is potentially on the soonish agenda.

She said: "When are you going to stop messing about with yourself?"

Dirty implications aside, this reveals a fundamental chasm in worldview between my mother and I. As far as I'm concerned, looking the best you can makes for an easier time, self-esteem wise. I spent years trying that 'you are what you feel' malarky. A month with no glasses and seriousface makeup (and pink tights!) and I felt better about myself than I ever imagined I could. I do not think the two events are unconnected. But I'm curious: where do other people stand on this issue? Does taking shortcuts count, or is it considered a cop-out? Should you leave yourself as nature intended or risk ending up like Michael Jackson or wildcat woman? (and my mother honestly thinks I'm starting down that road)

Also, because other people do this without feeling ashamed (also: fandom! journal! fandom!) - my current writings OR AS THEY ARE BETTER KNOWN, THE RAMBLINGS OF A MADWOMAN:

1. 14,000 words of mermaid!AU Ryan/Brendon RPS
2. 15,000 words and counting (holyshit) of boarding-school!AU Ryan/Brendon RPS
3. 7,000 words of original slashfic, file name 'rockstar' - I don't even
4. 2,000 words of original slashfic about a pet sanctuary; no the pets are not the slash pairings, who put that thought in my head?
5. 30,000 words of a YA fantasy 'novel', oh the humanity

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: publish my love (rogue wave)
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every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: Bollywoodscoradh on July 7th, 2008 09:57 pm (UTC)
Oh, that is my mother's party line: 'you're perfect the way you are'. I'm like, I'm not, and I certainly wasn't as a kid; in fact I was PERFECTLY HIDEOUS. To which she's all: nope! Bit of a circular argument, that one.

because she doesn't really like me all that much

Oh no! My mom and I are best mates. (We just don't ... get each other sometimes.) That must be tough.
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(no subject) - scoradh on July 7th, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - scoradh on July 7th, 2008 10:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
wildestranger on July 7th, 2008 09:56 pm (UTC)
My parents have a same sort of attitude (my father thinks stuff like tattoos and push-up bras are unnecessary modifications and cheats. No, really, push-up bras.), so perhaps it's a generational thing. I used to hate many things about myself - my hair-colour, my belly - which I have since then learned to love and/or tolerate, but I wouldn't say that this must be the case for everyone. I'd be worried about a friend who said she couldn't be happy without a six-pack, but to say that one's happiness depended on being slimmer, well, perhaps one would be, and it's certainly not for anyone else to decide. Furthermore, my happiness in myself has been greatly augmented by my latest tattoo, and I certainly love my body a lot more with a green dragon on it. I suppose you'll have to decide what changes will actually make you happy, what are necessary, whether they can be achieved, and whether you should change your expectations. Personally, I can recommend green dragon tattoos as an awesome way to become just so much cooler. :D
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: Twins playing keyboardscoradh on July 7th, 2008 10:00 pm (UTC)
I could not live without pushup bras. That is just a fact.

I guess I don't understand that attitude that people shouldn't indulge in little things to make their bodies more pleasing to themselves. Like teeth whitening, or tattoos. (Good GOD I'd kill to get a tattoo on my wrist - I've even designed one - but in my future profession that is just forboden.) If I were doing this to please someone ELSE, that'd be one thing. And totally unacceptable. But it's not! I figure I have to live with myself forever and ever, so why not make looking at my reflection fun instead of painful?

Green dragons ftw! Photos soon pls? :D
(no subject) - wildestranger on July 7th, 2008 10:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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serriadhserriadh on July 7th, 2008 10:35 pm (UTC)
I think, personally, that there's a world of difference between 'I'd like it if my teeth were whiter because then my teeth would look better' and 'If only I [had whiter teeth][were thinner][had a better-shaped nose][had perkier tits] then my life would be perfect'. It depends what you expect the procedures to fix, if you see what I mean.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: Heart treescoradh on July 7th, 2008 10:59 pm (UTC)
I expect the teeth whitening to ... make my teeth whiter. :D On the one hand, I am just as shallow as that. On the other, I think you have to take happiness where you can find it. It'll make me happy to have whiter teeth, no lie; in a deeply deeply superficial way, but I've had enough experience of not-happy to make me less than keen to repeat it.
peripatetic extemporizations: Brendon prettyhatoyona on July 7th, 2008 10:52 pm (UTC)
I...guess I'm not really sure what I believe! Hypothetically, abstractly, I'm sure getting lipo would be awesome and easy and all that. But then if I actually got the opportunity, I don't know if I would take it. I'm not sure I would like the way I would feel about myself. Like, sure, looking thinner would be great but at what cost? To me, there's a huge difference between exercising and dieting, and cosmetic surgery. I think if you go through with the latter, you are kind of telling yourself and the rest of the world that you are better off not looking like you. That's different from the former because when you exercise or are conscious of what you eat, you're still in control and it's still organically you. But maybe I am a hippie?

And then the teeth whitening thing I did myself at home so I don't know if that makes me a hypocrite or not. The hair lasering sounds fucking awesome though, because I am so lazy about shaving and I hate it so much.

I dunno, maybe I just sound like an idiot. So I will end this with Brendon/Ryan hurray!
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Disney: Little Mermaid bathscoradh on July 7th, 2008 11:04 pm (UTC)
You're not a hippie, unless by that you mean 'pretty sensible, actually.' I've been working out seriously for six months (and less-than-seriously for two or three years). I'm seeing results, slowly but surely, but I still have this crazy hip to waist ratio of 30 to 42 inches. askfdjhasjhlh I see lipo as an option in maybe five years, if I can't trim down my hips myself by then. And quite frankly, seeing the changes I've achieved in just six months makes me pretty sure I won't need it. But TOTES not changing my mind about The End of Shaving as We Know It.

(do you always cut your ankles? i always cut my ankles. and my KNEES, wtf.)

Oh their ridiculous faces! *squishes*
(no subject) - hatoyona on July 8th, 2008 02:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
oh, make it non-alcoholic, I'm trying to clot: johnny bravoort on July 7th, 2008 11:19 pm (UTC)
I have had both electrolysis and laser hair removal, and while I still have a few treatments to go (I am very hirsute) and have unfortunately put it on hold at the moment due to the costs involved, I have never felt guilty or embarrassed about having either.
It makes me feel better about myself. A lot better, and I hate shaving and waxing. And ingrown hairs!
I personally would never have an invasive procedure, not because I am opposed to the idea, but the thought of an invasive procedure with its possible complications (and what if it looked bad!) scares me!
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: snowy owlscoradh on July 8th, 2008 09:12 pm (UTC)
One of my girlfriends has quite hairy arms, and I feel bad for her in the sense that a lot of people comment on it. I refuse to believe things that make you feel good about yourself are wholly bad.

Ha, at least I've been in surgery - I know what to expect! And laparoscopic is less risky. :D
mrsquizzical: mollywobblesmrsquizzical on July 7th, 2008 11:25 pm (UTC)
*has a daughter so has Views on this stuff*

*also has body image issues*

so, here's my stuff in a nutshell, cos believe me, i could ramble for a long time....

1. feeling good about yourself is good. making an effort is good.

2. it pains/saddens/enrages me that there is such a narrow view of 'acceptable' in people's eyes. so that anything that is in any way 'different' to that is 'wrong/bad/lesser' etc

3. i don't think age is the enemy, and i feel sad for people that as they age they don't feel they are getting 'more', but instead, the further you are from youth the less you get. *sad face*

so, that's my thing. i wish that there was more appreciation for the wide range of beautiful. but accepting that i would still happily whiten my teeth (i drink WAY too much tea, also i have enamel issues), and maybe even smooth out some lumps with lipo (if i had the money/trusted the people doing it). but the idea that if i don't look like "that" means i'm not worth a look then ... well, bite me. basically.

i'm very excited by that list of writing you have there. can't wait to actually, you know, READ some of it! :~D
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: Pretty headscoradh on July 8th, 2008 09:23 pm (UTC)
1. In a 'the journey is important, not the destination' way. idk, I've been trying to explain this in my own head. I imagine my appearance as an art project. So if I do my best with it, to get the best result I can, it feels better than if I'm just slapdash and silly. That's the best I can do, sorry.

2. Oh, I know. I push the boat out a little by teaming standard miniskirts with pink or green tights. And I get my aunts telling me they wore tights like that in school. The only way to win is not to run the race at all.

3. Ever since I started wearing makeup and working out, my mom has too. She was always skinnier than me anyway, lol. But I think she looks fantastic now - not because she looks younger, but because she looks like a shinier, more together version of herself.

It's all got to do with images, man. Like all those ads for washing powder that never ever feature men. It's what you subconciously expect.

Hee, I have a pre-reader! That calms my nerves a little. :D

Edited at 2008-07-08 09:24 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - mrsquizzical on July 8th, 2008 09:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Lu (Not Your Average Retelling)elucreh on July 7th, 2008 11:40 pm (UTC)
I'm so excited to read the new stuff!

As to image issues, I'm mostly on a par with calathea; it thoroughly puzzles some of my friends, and certainly my little brother--we argue about it!--but I'm just not terrifically aware of how I look. Occasionally I'll feel I look spectacular or notice how a particular flaw is flaw-y, but the annoyance and/or the glow has never lasted more than fifteen minutes at the most once I get away from a mirror.

In some ways I'm sorry for it, though...I don't have that little extra confidence booster shot that I can reach for when I'm feeling low in other areas, and there are certainly times when I want to blossom (dances, dates, job interviews) and I've never taken the time to learn how to apply eyeliner for best effect.

I think it has its ups and downs, just like your situation.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Disney: Aladdinscoradh on July 8th, 2008 09:29 pm (UTC)
I've had a murklins to whip it into shape, which is a brilliant thing for all concerned. (so bad initially, omg)

My parents think I'm INSANELY vain. I have a lot of mirrors, and a habit of looking in them a lot - from the time when I was always looking for imaginary flaws to beat myself up over.

I don't think either way necessarily has more merit. I mean, a year ago I couldn't put on eyeliner either. Now I go the Vicky-T route (and my parents hatehatehate it). I couldn't imagine going back, now - but if you're lucky enough not to be bogged down with any of this, I say roll with it! :D
trichinopoly ash: snape: so emoaldehyde on July 8th, 2008 01:29 am (UTC)
hmm, i think a bit of work is fine - as long as you don't end up looking like some weirdass plasticky blow-up doll.

for instance, i have the flattest chest ever. seriously, i'm like a boy here. so i desperately need padded + pushup bras to look NORMAL, forget sexy.

and when it comes to things like teeth whitening, i consider that a minor change. i'd rather talk to someone with clean shiny teeth than a yellow set, ick.

i used to have horrible skin all throughout high school and during a major part of uni as well, so i took a lot of meds to combat it. and i'm glad i did b/c i suffer from insane bouts of self-doubt, and the extra help from those meds helped a ton.

mums are like that though. mine thinks i look perfect even when i look like a bloated zombie. they're crazy that way, and i wouldn't want mine to be any other way ;)
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: blue bustierscoradh on July 8th, 2008 09:31 pm (UTC)
I think some decent research and a helping of common sense is all you'd need to avoid that.

OMG IRISH PEOPLE HAVE THE WORST TEETH EVER. My friend is going out with a dentist - a dentist! - and she still has tonnes of plaque. Erlack.

Yeah, my brother got acne when he was thirteen and I literally press-ganged my mom into taking him to a doctor. I did NOT want him growing up with that, and his skin now is much better than it would have been.

Eh, I wish my mother would at least admit I look better now. But she just says 'Your fringe is too long.' >.>
Cait: studyingcoralia13 on July 8th, 2008 02:20 am (UTC)
My sagacious* opinion: you ARE what you feel. And it's generally a lot easier to change how you look than how you feel. My posture unconsciously changes when I have on makeup or think my clothes/hair looks good today. Wearing my glasses makes me slouchy, anti-social, and cranky. I could probably do something about this mentality, with years of therapy and some very attractive and convincing boyfriends who think I look good no matter what. But no matter how cute my mother tells me I look with half my hair sticking up one way and the other half fanning out in back, there is nothing like thinking you look good to make you happier, friendlier, and (therefore) healthier. How you get there is up to you. I don't like the idea of surgical help (although I've thought of electrolysis many, many times) because a) it is expensive, b) I would have to do research on where/how to get it done, c) I am rarely in one place for more than four months at a time, and have other things to do while I am there, and d) it scares me. To me, it is a big decision. Which does not necessarily make it the wrong one. Let us know what you decide! I'll be pondering about you.

Second thing: I have to finally ask. Who are Ryan and Brendon?

* "Sagacious" is one of those words I have read, but never heard pronounced. And I have probably only read it once, meaning that I have not yet been able to completely narrow down its meaning. Which means, finally and in conclusion, that I could be using it entirely wrongly. But it sounds like "sage" turned into an adjective, which is what I mean. So, sagacious.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: PATD: Brendon/Ryan backwards hugscoradh on July 8th, 2008 09:38 pm (UTC)
there is nothing like thinking you look good to make you happier, friendlier, and (therefore) healthier.

I knew I could count on you to put it more succinctly than I ever could. *shakes head* I mean, that's IT, right there. Some people - take a guy in my class, for example - have so much support and are so non-introspective that it never matters. If you've had the same girlfriend since you were fifteen and no occasion to tear yourself to pieces, of course you're never going to feel bad. Most people aren't that lucky. Every little helps, as Tesco is so fond of reminding us.


I'm pretty sure that's what it means too, except I have never used it in conversation either. I'm picturing Merlin from the Sword in the Stone now. It's rather inspiring.
(no subject) - coralia13 on July 8th, 2008 10:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on July 8th, 2008 11:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Margravine Palavar: Bow Margravinemargravine on July 8th, 2008 03:11 am (UTC)
When I was a teenager I mostly looked like a little rock star and I was still plenty sexy in my early twenties. Then the adult life took over and everyone I knew seemed to be needing me and going nuts and my job was exhausting so I was just kind of tired out. I went through a few years where I let myself get all plain and it really didn't feel good.

Now I have an expensive but rewarding Urban Decay eye makeup allegiance, I bother to own more shoes than I strictly need, I got some really cute Betsey Johnson glasses even though I intended on mostly wearing my contacts and I am back to clothes shopping on a semi-regular basis. I am much happier and intend to "mess about with myself" as long as it's fun. I think it's important to do whatever makes you feel most like your best self.

every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Hush Sound: Greta + pianoscoradh on July 8th, 2008 09:40 pm (UTC)
I think it's important to do whatever makes you feel most like your best self.

YEAH! And if your best self is in grey sweatpants with no makeup (thanks, John Mayer) - THAT'S FINE. And if it's, like me, in a miniskirt and more eyeliner than Amy Winehouse - THAT'S FINE TOO.

Ha, randomly, I just love the image of 'a little rock star.' And now I'm imagining Geeway's babies or something...
Sereniaserenia on July 8th, 2008 07:14 am (UTC)
Hmm, if it were me, I'd go for the teeth whitening (I intend to do it myself when I'm done with my braces), but not the other two. My reasons for that - I read a magazine article about a woman who had liposuction, and something stuffed up, and she ended up not being able to pee. Then she got terrible back pain. Turns out that somehow a hole got put somewhere, and her urine was pooling in her back. There was much catheterisation and pain. And also, they'd have to take a hell of a lot from me! XD
And laser hair removal, well, I know people who have forked out hundreds and thousands and had it all grow back. And they also say it's like being flicked with a thick rubber band right against the skin. If it really worked, my TG friend in Canberra wouldn't have a 4 o'clock shadow still!
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: rose petal bowlscoradh on July 8th, 2008 09:44 pm (UTC)
That reminds me - I had braces for four years. It's not regarded as cosmetic enhancement while whitening is. Huh. Weird.

Oh man, you always hear horror stories! The thing is that I have insider info, if you will. I'm still not completely sold on it - I'll give myself a few more years at the gym first. :D

That does not sound pleasant. Or promising. Durnit. :/
(no subject) - serenia on July 9th, 2008 12:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
dirtylaugh: tummydirtylaugh on July 8th, 2008 11:23 am (UTC)
I feel my appearance is intrinsically linked to my personality, even though this is CLEARLY irrational and untrue. Which is why I personally would never have a nose-job or anything like that, but I do cheat with bras and stuff all the time. I don't want to look different, I just want to look better.

But the thing is, I think I have quite a tolerable face, whereas people who do want to have nose-jobs might not feel that their face reflects who they are/that their nose is tolerable, so they're completely entitled to change it if that's the case (although OMG IT'S SUCH A SCARY OPERATION WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT WILLINGLY TO YOURSELF and also from an outsider's POV it usually looks fine).

Atm I'm about to undergo quite a minor cosmetic surgery. It isn't necessary, and I know I could live easily without it - I have done for my entire life. And it's so small it's not like I'm thinking 'I need to change this, for otherwise I cannot express my unique individuality!!!1' so that's no excuse. But y'know what? I want it. And it would make me happier and more confident - and in that way I equate it to hair-removal or Wonderbras or buying ridiculously expensive shoes - it's superfluous and self-indulgent, but why not if you've got realistic expectations about how you're going to look after?

In a way, I'm quite scared of getting old before I'm ready and still feeling the same inside but no-one being able to see me cause I just look like another old person. I'd quite like to get super-wrinkly (like those dogs in the Dove adverts) but I'll have to dye my hair mauve as well in order to feel noticed. Yeats terrified me with this shit:

What shall I do with this absurdity... this caricature, Decrepit age that has been tied to me As to a dog's tail?
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: Bollywoodscoradh on July 8th, 2008 09:50 pm (UTC)
Mmm, maybe when some people think 'cosmetic surgery' the immediate word association is 'Michael Jackson' - which, let's face it: the dude's a DIFFERENT COLOUR now. You can't tell me that's normal.

I absolutely agree with your assessment. In my imaginary headlife, I was witty and outgoing and BUBBLY, but I couldn't be that outside the headlife because I felt my appearance held me back. Now it doesn't; it helps instead. It's awesome.

One word for ya: BOTOX. :DDD
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every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Converse kissscoradh on July 8th, 2008 09:55 pm (UTC)
Regarding gender: I think it has more to do with what you're brought up to think gender means? Like, the sporty guys in my class think an orange polo is really pushing the envelope. My brother - also sporty - straightens his hair and gels it. This is my influence. And look at guys like Pete Wentz and Ryan Ross (I wish I had a facepaint!Ryan icon for demonstration purposes). I'm sure their end aim is the same as yours, but it means a whole different thing.

Plus, some people look better with glasses. (I didn't, mind.) It's all about what YOU think. I have no exception to that. The funniest thing is that when I was plain, I never stopped thinking about what boys thought ... now it's like, meh. It's not like they're gonna appreciate the difference between putting base shadow on before the pink, and not, is it? :P
Kiriana: Me All Prettykiriana on July 8th, 2008 01:42 pm (UTC)
I agree that how you look can affect your attitude a lot. Wearing a bit of makeup or a pretty shirt you love can really boost your confidence.

I'd go for teeth whitening too. I drink a lot of tea, and that's hell on tooth color.

I'd want the hair lasered off my armpits. Small area, but shaving bumps are damn annoying and ugly looking.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: Twins playing keyboardscoradh on July 8th, 2008 09:59 pm (UTC)
I'm such a good girl - I don't drink caffiene or soda at all, but I was a total juice hog. I gave it up a month ago in preparation for the eventual whitening. THERE IS NOTHING TO STAND IN MY WAY. ;D

Ohmygod, yes. And a day later it's already all stubbly. Yuerk.