every Starbucks should have a polar bear (scoradh) wrote,
every Starbucks should have a polar bear
scoradh

  • Mood:
  • Music:

oh the posterity

I saw my first vaginal birth.

My thoughts ran as follows:

this is boring, it's just her vag, there is NOTHING HAPPENING

now it's like watching football - I don't understand it, but I feel the urge to clap! (and get weird looks from dad)

*tears up from the emotion of it all*

THERE IS A FACE BETWEEN HER LEGS. A FACE. BETWEEN HER LEGS. MUST. NOT. GIGGLE.


In slightly more coherent summary: giving birth is survivable, but it's clearly also where all horror movies were born. Between things spurting and gushing and oozing and small purple humans popping out of places that belong in porn ...

I'm also determined not to have an epidural. Those things (infants, you know) rip up your vagina and from basic observation and common sense, it has a lot to do with the way they come out. With an epidural, your legs are paralysed, so you're lying on your back. You wouldn't take a dump lying on your back, so why give birth that way? (And they are basically the same, for anyone who hasn't done it.)

Conclusion: HEEHEEHEE.
Tags: work is much more fun than fun
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Comments allowed for friends only

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 32 comments