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27 January 2009 @ 12:11 am
Okay, so. This isn't a Fun Post. Try my last one for that.

The thing is, I'm trying not to cry, and I haven't cried more than twice since starting the medication. I used to cry every day, so I don't like that I'm crying now. Usually I'd go to my mom with it, but this time she's part of the problem. Instead, you lucky people get to hear about it instead!

So, my parents caved on getting me a tablet, mainly because my dad said he'd intended to get me one for Christmas but Mom talked him out of it. It was expensive, but my new phone was the exact same price and there were no quibbles about that. I used to draw a lot when I was younger - I went to art school for a year - got As in the subject in high school - all in all, I could be described as 'artistic'. I don't think I have any marketable talent, but I would really like to start some fanart and so on and the medium for that is computer-based - hence, tablet. Some inspirations I have just can't be textually rendered.

The thing is, my mom is really cross about the tablet. She doesn't want to hear about it, how it's getting delivered (it has to go to my uncle's UK address first, damn Amazon) - nothing. You'd think she would be a little supportive of the fact that I don't want what little drawing skill I have to die out, right? It's not like I'm asking for money for crack, or even drinking binges.

Then, as well, my dad keeps complaining that I talk about writing all the time but he never gets to see it. So I printed out the first two chapters of my 'novel', which no one has ever seen, and left it for any of my family to read if they wished. My mom rings me up this morning. I ask her how's she's getting on with my book - meaning Scarlet Feather, which I lent her because while Georgette Heyer is wonderful, variety is the spice of life. She thought I was referring to my book what I wrote, and said immediately, "The names in it were ridiculous ... if I picked it up in a bookshop I wouldn't go beyond the first page." She also said my dad was finding it 'hard-going.'

Now, I don't expect my parents to jive to the YA fantasy vibe - which is where it's sort of going - but jesus. Harsh much? Am I reading too much into this, or does it seem like she wants me to abandon all and any creative endeavours in favour of ... what? Studying MORE? I've got first class honours the last two years running, what more does she want? I would say that I'm a remarkably easy child, depression aside. What do I have to do to get a little acknowledgement for the things that actually mean something in my life?

Or maybe I just make up troubles when there are no real ones to be had, I don't know.
Current Mood: morosemiserable
Current Music: where i fall // the reindeer section
Sereniaserenia on January 27th, 2009 12:27 am (UTC)
*big hugs* I guess they're not the sort of people to turn to for creative encouragement, which is a pity. Unsupportive parents make me sad. I guess some of it is that they'll have different priorities for your life than you do, but in the end, it's YOUR life.
I hope they do tell you they're proud of you at some point! I have to say, though, I didn't hear those words from my Dad until my wedding day! XD
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: bands PATD stars etcscoradh on January 27th, 2009 12:31 am (UTC)
When my dad conceded on the tablet, he ended up telling me he was proud of me. I was ... aware of it on some level, but actually hearing the words? Huge ego boost.

I would just think, if a child of mine could do something a little out of the ordinary, I'd try to nourish it rather than crush it. I'm making them out to be monsters - they're great - but this is their fault.
(no subject) - serenia on January 27th, 2009 12:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
me: glee!surexit on January 27th, 2009 12:32 am (UTC)
This isn't, like, the same thing, but when I said to my Mum on the phone that I was currently engaged in an occupation of a university building in protest at the humanitarian crisis in Gaza, she said, "That's lovely, darling." Like, sometimes it just takes parents a while to switch on their 'listening to my daughter's Serious Thoughts' heads, I think.

Also, sometimes they suck at communication, and give you misplaced honesty because they think you want it, or push you to study because it's good for you, or don't take your dreams seriously.

Basically, in summation of tl;dr: parents suck, but also they love you to bits, and it might be worthwhile saying that she's kinda upset you? Depending on whether you have that kinda relationship with your mum.

Also ♥ from this random internet stranger, which I know is totes meaningful.
mesurexit on January 27th, 2009 12:33 am (UTC)
Also, when I said "oush you to study because it's good for you", I meant to add a "they think". :)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - surexit on January 27th, 2009 11:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
confusedkaytconfusedkayt on January 27th, 2009 12:34 am (UTC)
*cuddles* As a fellow crazy school person, I totally empathize. People don't realize that, unless you have some kind of glittery fun outlet, hardcore studying will do you in in the end.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: rose petal bowlscoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:09 pm (UTC)
When I had a chat with her, she actually said the very same thing! I just wish she'd SHOW it more.
Ria: yellow skirtkessie on January 27th, 2009 12:36 am (UTC)
I'm not saying this to be mean, but if you're getting that kind of response, don't show them your writing. Seriously. None of my family have read any of my writing since I was twelve. They don't particularly support it, though they like to hear that I'm 'ticking away' at it every so often, and I don't really want them to read it. If they want to, they can pick it up when it's in Waterstone's some day.

If you feel it's a good idea, maybe mention that you found it a bit upsetting? A lot of non-writing people don't understand how what they might perceive to be innocent, relatively meaningless remarks can actually feel like they're ripping out your heart. :/
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: deerscoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:10 pm (UTC)
It's funny you should say that - I had 30,000 words of this novel this time last year. I ended up trying to brainstorm with my mom because there was no one else. She commented that it sounded boring, and, well. I haven't written anything of it since.

I explained that to her, and while she didn't really seem to get it, I don't think she'll be so careless in future.
uminohikariuminohikari on January 27th, 2009 12:37 am (UTC)
*hugs* Are they not creative-type people?
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: owlsscoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:10 pm (UTC)
My dad was pretty good at painting once, but he hasn't picked up a brush in years.
sleepingfingers on January 27th, 2009 12:37 am (UTC)
*hugs* My parents are the same way. I love drawing and writing, but asking them to be tolerable (let alone supportive) of it is difficult. Sometimes, I think people, but many parents in general, equate "things worth pursuing" as "things that will bring in money"; and creative endeavors just (generally) don't add to potential income. I do think they, especially your mom, are overly harsh. Your writing is wonderful, and they just don't know how to appreciate it.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: Marie Antoinettescoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:11 pm (UTC)
I suppose it's just not the sort of thing they'd read - my dad likes war biographies and my mom, romantic fiction. But. I can appreciate those when well written. You know? Grr.
Taelor: &piano!marshall;romasquerade on January 27th, 2009 12:57 am (UTC)
So, I don't really know you very well at all, but I can kind of relate. When I told my mom last November that I was going to try to do NaNoWriMo, she basically laughed at me and told me that I must be joking -- there was no way I'd get 50,000 words in just a month, and that if I tried, she was sure my grades would go down. And when I actually did finish (and kept my grades solid) and asked her if she wanted to read it, she said something along the lines of, "Are you sure that you want anyone else to see it? I mean, you must have written it pretty rushed to get it all finished." I've always been a kind of sensitive person, and I took that pretty badly. I've never really had a good relationship with her, but I did let her know that she'd upset me, and it got kind of resolved after that. She still doubts my ability and desire sometimes, but it's getting there. So maybe you should try letting them know? Like I said, I don't know you, but I've never found talking about things to cause more damage.

In any case! *hugs you* That is pretty bad. I feel parents should be supportive no matter what you decide to do. But, from what I've read, you're a pretty spectacular writer, and you deserve a lot of acknowledgement. It's just a shame that it's not coming from your parents right now.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Kitties: self cleaning catsscoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:12 pm (UTC)
It does feel like, no matter how many plaudits you get elsewhere, if you parents don't acknowledge your achievements they don't count. THIS IS VERY ANNOYING, but nonetheless true.

I figure some people just don't get writing. Like your mom. What I would have done without the internet all these years, I don't like to imagine.
peripatetic extemporizationshatoyona on January 27th, 2009 01:40 am (UTC)
:( I'm sorry your parents seem to be so unsupportive. I don't think your mom's trying to keep you from doing artistic things, but I can understand her worry that you'll stop studying to idk, "pursue art." It's silly, because anyone can see how hard you work and how you're motivated, but maybe you should just tell her that? Idk. I think talking things out always is the best way to deal with issues. So maybe you could just tell her that you felt her criticism was really harsh and how you took it, etc etc.

I hope you figure this out, either way. I think your writing is amazing, and I have no doubt your drawing is equally awesome. ♥
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: ra butterfly facescoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:14 pm (UTC)
I did talk it out with her. I wouldn't have been able to help myself, even without all this good advice. :D The only thing is, it's not an isolated event, it's on-going, so I have to keep reminding them that while I'm becoming a doctor, I was born a writer.

(God, that sounds so obnoxious, doesn't it?!)
Lib: fragilelibgirl on January 27th, 2009 02:35 am (UTC)

I think that if you're doing the best you can to be productive and creative, that's all that anyone can ask. It sucks that your Mom isn't being more supportive, but I don't think that you're being unreasonable :(.

As for parents reading what you're writing, it's actually one of those things, right. They're rarely going to to get it, but they always want to see it. :/ I'm sorry. ~hugs~
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Bands Hush Sound Greta redscoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:16 pm (UTC)
They're rarely going to to get it, but they always want to see it.

This is so true. My mom has a bee in her bonnet about always telling me the truth (your thighs look big in that; your hips are getting big again; that colour/dress/hairstyle just doesn't suit you). And then she'll ask, should I lie? Do you know how hard it is to say YES PLEASE to that question?!
Matchy西: k-a-t-t-u-n ♥matchynishi on January 27th, 2009 02:35 am (UTC)
everyone has already said what I wanted to say, so I'm just going to offer my support, and to say that your writing is not anywhere near what your mom said it was; and it just seems like she was already biased against it, which may have coloured her perceptions somehow. Some parents don't get the need for creative pursuits, and I do hope your mom does eventually! *HUGS*
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: princessscoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:17 pm (UTC)
It does feel that way, that she's biased. She denies it, but. Still.
girl; obsessed: bandom - patrick is stripey!complications_g on January 27th, 2009 03:02 am (UTC)
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:17 pm (UTC)
secretsolitaire: sadsecretsolitaire on January 27th, 2009 03:20 am (UTC)
*hugs* I'm sorry they're not more supportive. But hey, we think you're awesome. ♥
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:17 pm (UTC)
That does mean an awful lot, don't get me wrong! But ... it's my MOM, you know?
one minute movie reviewsoneminutemovies on January 27th, 2009 03:39 am (UTC)
I'M proud of you. You're amazing.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: Heart treescoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:18 pm (UTC)

Egotistical, but - I don't hear that enough.
mrsquizzical: potter mollyhugharrymrsquizzical on January 27th, 2009 04:08 am (UTC)

critical people will always be critical. and much as i hate to say it, the easiest way to get into a happier place is to stop bending over backwards for them. do things to the best you can because it's the right thing for you to do.

do what you love because it's what you love. not because they will/won't approve.

i'm sure they love you and are proud. maybe they think this is the way to motivate you. maybe they are scared of success being taken away. there are millions of reasons for good people to treat people they care about badly.

every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: Candy lipsscoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, sweetie. I know you're a mom too, so you know what you're talking about! Try not to do this to your kids if you can help it. (Fine if they ARE heroin injecting crack whores - but if they're not...)
Geoviki: animals - sadfishgeoviki on January 27th, 2009 04:59 am (UTC)
*sadface for you*

Well, as your imaginary American mom, I think you are one of the best writers I know, so there!

Also, remember that your parents are not one entity, and you've only heard what your dad "thinks" via your mother. Let him read it, and keep it away from her. I know my own son tends to think of my husband and me as some vague monolith, so that he'll only bother to tell one of us something, with the assumption that somehow we share a single brain.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: bands PATD Jon's blingscoradh on January 27th, 2009 11:20 pm (UTC)
Imaginary American mom, if I ever do finish that novel, I will force you to read it. :D The world is a dangerous place...

Yes. I meant to talk to him tonight, but accidentally hung up. Fail. (And he's only halfway through a twenty page chapter, so.)