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30 October 2010 @ 11:50 pm
I hate my life. With reason.  
For some reason, it's always when I'm doing weekend call that I feel the urge to post. This is unfortunate because it represents the point where I'm at my most boring and whiny, but O WELL. (And on the eighth day, God invented scroll buttons.)

Working makes me endlessly angry. I've even been to see the Employee Assistance about it, but all she could offer was to realign my chakras. That would be nice in a general sense, but it doesn't reduce the irritation inherent in having to give first doses of antibiotics, an arbitrary rule that doesn't exist even in other hospitals in Ireland, or having to give vitamin K and cyclimorph IV because the nurses can't, or OH, take bloods and put in lines because the nurses can't. (Actually, they can - they can take IV courses but even when they're qualified they don't bother to offer.) Stupid little things that are, in fact, the ones that kept me up till 1am and got me up again at 3:30am, 5am and 7am. And that was a GOOD night.

The resistance to change, though, is blood-boiling. Nurses have never given IV this that or the other! Why would they start now? Anaphylaxis is more likely to occur on the second dose of antibiotics - and doctors leave the ward right after giving the first dose - so the first dose rule is nonsensical. BUT YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT. WHY? BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO.

And that's just nurses. Doctors are worse. 'I worked till 7pm post-call all my life, why should you get to go home at 9am? I don't care that it's law under the European Working Time Directive. I don't care that we are flagrantly contravening a law set up to give doctors a little bit of a life and enhance clinical safety. I DID IT SO YOU WILL TOO.'

I am on call from 2pm tomorrow. I will probably get 2-3 hours sleep IF I'm very lucky. I will be required to work until at least 5pm Monday. I don't want to do this any more. I'm so TIRED. I've given up wearing makeup. I've given up wearing jewellery. I've given up any interest in what I wear or in putting together nice outfits. All of these things might take five minutes each in the morning and that's fifteen minutes I could be asleep.

The worst thing? The fact that other people working in the hospital are so blithely unaware of what we're subjected to. "Oh, I had to work three 12 hour shifts in a row!" OH POOR YOU! When I'm on call weekends, I'm in the hospital 12 DAYS STRAIGHT. My on-call shifts are THIRTY HOURS LONG. So don't yawn in my face and tell me YOU'RE tired. You don't know the meaning of the word.

(I can't think about having to do this for eight more months. I can't think about doing it for the rest of my life.)
Current Music: the cave // mumford and sons
winstonmomwinstonmom on October 30th, 2010 10:53 pm (UTC)
At least you are venting :)
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on October 30th, 2010 10:54 pm (UTC)
Is this a good thing?!
winstonmomwinstonmom on October 31st, 2010 12:10 am (UTC)
Of course it is! otherwise you will keep it all inside and then whenever you least expected you will go postal!
Thinks pressure cooker releasing steam, if steam isn't release little by little it explodes :)
purelytaintedktpurelytaintedkt on October 30th, 2010 11:00 pm (UTC)
I think it shows that you've got a higher intensity level than most individuals that you can put up with this sort of deal. You're a rather strong person.

If things are this bad, i would say that you might consider moving jobs, if that's an option?

If not, all i can do is give you a cyber hug, and hope that things work out for you. -hug-
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on November 2nd, 2010 10:02 pm (UTC)
I feel weaker than everyone else, though, for they all seem to be coping fine.

I can go to a different speciality, but not till next July.

Thanks! :)
The Goddamn Wolf Womanslythwolf on October 30th, 2010 11:05 pm (UTC)
I have never understood how they can get away with making doctors work the kind of hours they do.
SpinFrog: Open 24 hrsspinfrog on October 31st, 2010 02:12 am (UTC)
Yes! It's insane how long they are made to stay at the hospital! And after their shift is done, there is HOURS of post-shift paperwork! And nobody seems to be making any noise towards changing things, wth?
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on November 2nd, 2010 10:02 pm (UTC)
If only it were just paperwork...
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on November 2nd, 2010 10:02 pm (UTC)
Because, y'know, we make lots of money and the title commands respect!

(Deleted comment)
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on November 2nd, 2010 10:03 pm (UTC)
I am reading, but only things that don't require a lot of brainpower. Hi, Maeve Binchy...
cleodoxa: Princess and the Peacleodoxa on October 31st, 2010 12:01 am (UTC)
This is probably out of place, and probably due to the natural desire to mention something most when you need to vent, but you rarely seem very keen on the whole medical school/doctor thing. Obviously it's too late to have done something else instead, but you don't actually have to do it the rest of your life. However unideal the situation then is, it's still not spending your life doing something you really don't want to do. I've no idea how the system works; are there greener pastures ahead that you can look forward to?
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on November 2nd, 2010 10:04 pm (UTC)
I can try for a speciality with less call, like pathology, but I'm not going to like it any better. Still, no one promised that life would be fun. I keep forgetting that.
Serenia: Punk Catserenia on October 31st, 2010 09:37 am (UTC)
Ugh, any shift longer than 10 hours with an hour break is inhumanely long!
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on November 2nd, 2010 10:04 pm (UTC)
Sometimes they let us sleep for an hour.
vague_ideasvague_ideas on October 31st, 2010 06:27 pm (UTC)
Seriously? Move to England - or perhaps Northern Ireland? Our oncalls are at most 12 1/2 hours long and while probably not much easier at least you get the few hours of sleep in the middle to recover!
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on November 2nd, 2010 10:05 pm (UTC)
Yes, ye actually implemented the EWTD! This year the powers that be handwaved a bit and mumbled "It would be best to let them home at nine ... you know ... if you can ... but don't worry too much..." Ireland in general has a very loose concept of obeying laws anyway.
vague_ideasvague_ideas on November 3rd, 2010 05:36 pm (UTC)
It is more along the lines of "oh on your monitoring we have noticed you are working more hours than you should. You need to leave work earlier as you are not adhering to your rota"... saying that it's still a lot better than your horror stories! And by the time you have been doing it for a year at least you realise which things you can leave for the next person and when to stop caring!
sunsetmog on November 1st, 2010 07:42 am (UTC)
Oh bb, I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now. <33333333
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on November 2nd, 2010 10:06 pm (UTC)
Oh, I suppose I'll make a lot of overtime. :/ And I'm glad to hear about your job! :DDD! (hope it's nicer than mine lol)
sunsetmog on November 3rd, 2010 09:01 am (UTC)
Jobs where you can't properly utilize your skills and training because of the limitations of the institution itself are the WORST, I completely understand. Hope things get better soon, bb. <333
lokifanlokifan on November 3rd, 2010 04:26 pm (UTC)
Gah :(
(Anonymous) on November 4th, 2010 09:33 am (UTC)
I really doubt that anyone else is coping any better than you. I bet you don't actually break down at work, they don't either, but I expect they feel like it. People are just decent at pretending, that's all.
One placement I was in, the FY1 just chucked his bleep at the wall til it broke.

I'm so glad I'm not doing it next year, final year feels like hard work but I know it's nothing compared to what my classmates will be doing next year. We also have a shit system whereby you can be placed anywhere in the country, pretty much arbitrarily. Also, there are apparently not gonna be enough jobs. Clearly this doesn't bother me but for everyone else it's like, you go through 5 years of med school, for many a previous degree too, only to be told, sorry, you well may not actually have a job at the end of this.

And from what I hear, EWTD are overlooked here too, cos as you say, the attitude is 'I did it, so you will too'. However you are not actually officially supposed to be there so it doesn't go on your time sheet or whatever so you don't get paid for it.


(Anonymous) on November 4th, 2010 09:37 am (UTC)
Also, you may like this: http://disrepute.info/#/strips/4526268949

check out 'tough' and '5 point consultation model' for example.