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15 August 2011 @ 10:56 pm
tainted love  
Just now I was rummaging around my gmail looking for a script I wrote six years ago in case I sent it to someone. (I keep terrible track of my writing; all the oldest HP stuff exists now only wherever it's posted online.) I didn't find it - DOES ANYONE HAVE IT? - but I did find ranty bandom emails from 2008. It was that long ago?! And an email containing the line '2009 is gonna suck.'


I'll be twenty-six next year and all I have to tell my sixteen year-old self is: nope. Nothing fundamentally changes except your sense of hope that maybe someday something will. That dies. Slowly and painfully. YAY!

(I think I've even reached the point where my mother is sick of my misery bullshit, and she's been fielding that asshattery for twelve years.)
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: something david guetta
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every Starbucks should have a polar bear: halowrites: pink heart biscuitsscoradh on August 16th, 2011 10:36 am (UTC)
It does! But sadly only to make me more asjdfhslkjdfha terrified. I must admit I don't understand why this is a neccessary test for graduates. If I held an English degree it's probably at least somewhat motivated by the fact that I hated and despised maths, nor did it represent where my talents lie. And when I go on to pursue study in that same field, why do I have to turn around and show just how bad I am at maths? How is it relevant? And vice versa if you're a maths-y person who hates the comprehension side of it.

I'm basically going to have to go and re-learn high school maths for this thing, as I did not understand one word of the questions you described. :/
l.m.: hp; harry/hermioneincandescent on August 16th, 2011 01:22 am (UTC)
We can be miserable together in our lonely slide into complacency and masochistic compromise. :)
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Fooish: pink party dressscoradh on August 16th, 2011 10:33 am (UTC)
For me, complacency would be a step up.
l.m.: eagle; argueincandescent on August 16th, 2011 10:52 am (UTC)
*hug* Ahaha. ♥
mesurexit on August 16th, 2011 03:03 am (UTC)
All I can uselessly say is that I hope that things will get better. :(
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Fooish: yellow doughnutscoradh on August 16th, 2011 10:33 am (UTC)
Oh, there's no need. From the POV of, say, an angry and disadvantaged rioter in Tottenham, I have it made! I have enough disposable income to buy as many status symbols and materialistic lare and penates as I want. My job commands hella respect from the average person. I'm healthy. My family loves me. When I'm unhappy despite all this it just means I suck as a person, not that anything is objectively wrong that can or needs to be fixed.
mesurexit on August 16th, 2011 10:39 am (UTC)
Seriously does not mean you suck as a person, just means maybe you want something different. Or maybe you're unhappy for other reasons. I don't know, all I can do is spout platitudes. But I do hope things get better, still. ♥
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: collapsingnight bedscoradh on August 16th, 2011 10:48 am (UTC)
Sorry; I didn't mean to come across as dismissive of your good wishes. They are appreciated. It's just ... well, as my shopping list above shows, I find it hard to justify why I'm not happy with my life. So on top of being desperately unhappy I'm also guilty. This is the best cocktail of emotions you could possibly wish for. I think I'll turn it into a drink. Suicide Bomb, maybe!
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: owlsscoradh on August 16th, 2011 10:49 am (UTC)
PS Despite appearances I'm aiming for levity in that reply ... :P
mesurexit on August 16th, 2011 10:55 am (UTC)
Oh, hey, no, be as dismissive as you like, I hate commenting on stuff like this because there is very little more useless than Internet good wishes, let's be honest. If I knew you better and we were chilling out somewhere, I promise I would be the most awesome listener, but just waving my hands around and going "HOPE IT GETS BETTER" is not exactly going to help.

Also, I am not desperately unhappy with my life most of the time, but I do have days when I am not so great, and yeah, the guilt adds a lovely layer. There's that quotation from Latter Days, something like "There is nothing so bad that a little guilt can't make it worse, and nothing so good that a little guilt can't make it better." HIDEOUSLY PARAPHRASED.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Art: b&w kissesscoradh on August 16th, 2011 07:54 pm (UTC)
Believe me, if you were sat beside me right now you would be treated to a total dissection of How My Life Sucks, Volume Infinity, Book Trillion. I kind of ... do that with a lot of people, although I attempt to blow it off with humour as well so that I have some friends. They are getting pretty sick of my shit at work, though. An adult would admit defeat and try and change that aspect - I'm not in school or college any more, there is no value added in sticking at a job I hate, am not good at, and bring people down around me too. I'm just so. Stuck.

AHAHAHA I LOVE LATTER DAYS. Totally my gay movie of choice (not that there is much, but many people go for Shelter). I really love the 'dots' motif and how the voice-over at the beginning ties in with the one at the end and also the change-point in the middle. That's some good writing there!
mesurexit on August 18th, 2011 07:36 am (UTC)
Is the GRE stuff for American applications, by the way?

I LOVE IT TOO. Shelter is amazing, and I have a huge soft spot for Were The World Mine and Save Me. (I think the kiss in Save Me is just... oh.) (Oh Christ, and My Beautiful Laundrette and Beautiful Thing are INCREDIBLY dear to my heart, and if I go on listing films I will never stop so I'll leave it there.) (ALTHOUGH FASHION VICTIMS IS THE MOST ADORABLEST.) But yeah, Latter Days is pretty fucking great. ♥
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on August 19th, 2011 10:03 pm (UTC)
Tis indeed.

AHAHAAAAAAAAAA things I have not seen that may be good!!! Of those I have only seen Beautiful Thing, which was ... good, but could have been much better too. YAY. WILL ATTEMPT TO LOCATE. :D
mesurexit on August 20th, 2011 03:33 am (UTC)
Yeah, Beautiful Thing's got some awkwardness, but it's just so sweet, I love it.

wildestranger on August 16th, 2011 02:34 pm (UTC)
What fic are you looking for? I think I have some of yours.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Disney: Lion King pink skyscoradh on August 16th, 2011 07:56 pm (UTC)
haha, you may well do! It's a script I wrote for submission to Bournemouth University, about a geek boy and a jock who fall in love while the jock is getting married. Standard fare, but I guess not so much in the 2004 applications? (I did get in. I just wish I knew where it was now!)
oops: [stock] kissoddishly on August 16th, 2011 03:34 pm (UTC)
DON'T BE MISERABLE, DARLING GIRL. I have faith for you that something will change someday, but I so so wish you had the same hope still.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: jillicons: rainbow gramaphonescoradh on August 16th, 2011 07:55 pm (UTC)
It ran 'way. :(
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every Starbucks should have a polar bear: halowrites: metal birdscoradh on August 16th, 2011 07:55 pm (UTC)
It's such a resource, though! I imagine in years to come people will be mining old email accounts like they do bundles of airmail to write biographies. :D