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06 October 2011 @ 11:10 pm
human bean  
I didn't mean to tell anyone in my scriptwriting class what I did and, after last week, I was hopeful that in a group of such self-centred individuals it wouldn't even come up. Alas, someone asked me right out and I said 'doctor.' I can't lie for shit. Never could. He added, "Of what?" and like a douche I said 'medicine.'

Man, it's not like I wanted to be uber-mysterious about it or a speshul snowflake, but this shit just seems to infect things. Try as I may, I can't separate myself from me-the-doctor. As soon as everyone knew I brought up a question about the short film we watched that was medically related. In fairness the film was about cancer BUT STILL. It's coming from the part of me that thinks that the only good or worthy or worthwhile or interesting thing about me is that I'm a doctor and so I constantly have to remind people of it, AND ALSO I have nothing to say that doesn't revolve around it because it eats my brain. Not to mention I have paralleling guilt that I hate my job so much and yet I rely on it to define me - not even, to elevate me - as a person.

Oh, and I still haven't done any scriptwriting, or writing of any sort since February. I'm changing hospitals Monday and I'm afraid they'll have a really strict call rota that might tie me into working Thursday nights and so I'll miss the course. It's already become the best part of my week. (It did not have a lot of competition.) Wah wah WAH.
Current Mood: distresseddistressed
Blindmouseblindmouse on October 7th, 2011 01:40 am (UTC)
Fingers crossed you don't have to give up the class!

(Do you find the rest of them interact with you differently now that you're Rachel-the-doctor?)
mesurexit on October 8th, 2011 08:08 am (UTC)
I hope you don't have to miss the class! Fingers crossed.

Also, I wish I had deep thoughts about the rest of your post. ♥ But I am interested in all of you that is not a doctor!
Sereniaserenia on October 9th, 2011 05:38 am (UTC)
Did you watch that 'Junior Doctors' show? The first season was on here, and it was interesting (from the point of view of someone who is not a doctor, of course). Seems one of their biggest challenges is getting people to realise they ARE the doctor, especially the young blonde one working in A&E.