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25 June 2012 @ 07:19 pm
someone Mel Gibson never played  
Point the first:

Come to the dark side, oddishly and extemporally, we have cookies cake!

Point 1.5:

1D fandom needs a name. Or, well, it doesn't, but can it be something stupid like Directiondom?

Point 1.5.5:

This picture saved from Sugarscape as '1dGAY10louis.jpg'. Is Sugarscape employing fandomers or do we also grow in the wild?!

Point the second:

There are five dudes in 1D. There are also five SISTERS IN THE BENNET FAMILY OH YEAH I'M GOING THERE. I carefully worked this out when my phone died and I still had three walls to paint.

Harry is Jane. He's pretty and does a good impression of being sweet (I did say 'impression') and he is most likely to marry well, having taken care to fall in love with a man of good fortune.

Louis is Elizabeth. Mainly because Louis is my favourite, but also because he's the legit funniest guy there and, like Elizabeth, is basically a troll.

Zayn is Lydia. I can think of no one in this band more likely to fall for an officer in uniform with a dastardly reputation. Plus he has the eyelashes for a determined flirt capable of making himself and his family ridiculous.

Niall is Kitty, because he seems pretty willing to follow everyone's lead and laughs at pretty much anything. Seriously: watch any video, he's there giggling away. I don't know how to fit in his food preoccupation given that Austen rarely mentions food, but I can guarantee that Kitty!Niall would be first for seconds on the white soup.

Which leaves Liam as Mary. At first I felt bad about this because Mary comes across as the most boring Bennet sister, but she's conscientious and worries about propriety and is basically the World's First emo hipster kid (she just wants to play music, y'all, the minuet is so seventeenth century and she liked Handel before he was cool). So quite a good fit, in fact.


Now imagine Regency costumes instead of Hollister and Co. vomit AND WE'RE DONE.

Point the third:

I listened to The Film Programme podcast from the BBC today. It's wonderfully unspoilery but actors are unbelievably pretentious. Mark Walhberg was interviewed about his desire to re-make the Headhunters because he liked the first version so much. (Yeah ... NO.) Turns out he used to be a MODEL. Called MARKY-MARK. And I finally figured out the Marky-Mark reference from Clueless!

Only took seventeen years.
a kid on the lookout for transcendenceextemporally on June 25th, 2012 06:34 pm (UTC)

the only problem with a P&P AU tbh is that who do we ship them with????? I vote that Liam be Mr Darcy instead. Zayn can be Mr Bingley.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: 1D: glitter Louisscoradh on June 26th, 2012 08:25 pm (UTC)

Would you believe I never even thought of that? I can't see any of them making a truly passable Darcy. Next stop: Sense and Sensibility. Liam for Elinor, OF COURSE, and Louis for Marianne because I can totes see him flailing and dying over sonnets. Harry would have to be Willoughby, and Niall the quiet long suffering and probably friends with the Middletons for the food Brandon. Leaving Zayn for boring but well-appreciated Edward.

... I have too much time to think.*

*especially given that I wrote 1600 words of the P&P AU further down the comments :P

Edited at 2012-06-26 08:26 pm (UTC)
Shivamowglimoonshado on June 26th, 2012 09:43 pm (UTC)
omg I prompted a Sense&Sensibility AU on the kinkmeme with that exact casting (except I decided Niall could be the baby sis Maragaret). Great minds ahahaha
question marks are out of fashionflimsy on June 25th, 2012 06:53 pm (UTC)
Sugarscape editors are the original 1D BNFs. Nobody ships Larry Stylinson harder than they do.

1D! That's a pretty fine name?

P.S. Harry:

You're welcome :)
aweszomerthsinsense on June 25th, 2012 07:05 pm (UTC)
...I'd read it.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: 1D: b&w Larry Stylinsonscoradh on June 26th, 2012 08:19 pm (UTC)
hahaha you too?! *rolls around in glee*
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on June 26th, 2012 08:20 pm (UTC)
Actually, last night ... THIS happened
The first thing Louis registered was that it was bloody cold. Which was weird, because they were in Texas and it was so hot that sunscreen boiled. Still, Louis knew that temperatures dropped quickly in hot places at night, so he wasn't that bothered.

The second thing he registered, when he opened his eyes, was that Harry was sitting across from him in a dress.

It was less weird than it sounds. They've all had a go at dressing in articles of women's clothing, usually for twitcam-related purposes. One time Niall wore a pair of red high heels for an hour, boasting the whole time that it was easy and he didn't know why girls made such a big deal of it. Then he tripped over his own feet and ripped his favourite jeans and it turned out the shoes had skinned all the back of his heels. Louis caught it all on camera, including the part where Niall cried. Smartphones were a godsend.

So he wasn't that perturbed by Harry's choice of attire. In the last few days Harry had taken to wearing nothing at all, claiming the heat gave him an even more legitimate excuse than usual. Louis was glad Harry'd returned to the clothing fold because seeing so much of naked Harry was disturbing things in Louis' brain that he preferred remaining dormant. That Harry looked like he was wearing one of his mum's nightdresses was really more Harry's problem than Louis'.

No, the thing that slowly started freaking him out was that he didn't know where he was. He'd woken up in his fair share of weird places - Doncaster Airport being a notable one - but he was usually able to orient himself within a few seconds. Even if the preceding night was a blank, he could always remember at least where he started from. The last thing he remembered is having a few ice cold beers with the boys before bed, rubbing the chilly condensation over their foreheads and chests in a futile attempt to cool down. Eating was out of the question in this weather - well, except for Niall. But even he'd only managed two burgers and a packet of crisps. Louis'd been so lethargic from the heat he hadn't been able to take full advantage of the teasing potential of having all five of them stripped down to their boxers (or in Zayn's case, weird-ass long-johns), apart from one half-hearted attack on all four of Harry's nipples.

After that they'd gone to bed, a portable fan whirring in the space between the bunks. They faced into a long journey by road, because everywhere in America was a million miles apart, apparently. Louis was quite certain that he'd only had one beer. One beer wasn't enough to make him remotely drunk, and certainly not drunk enough to sleep through them arriving at a hotel and him being carted into the most ostentatiously-decorated lounge he'd ever seen. It was worrying him more and more as he looked around, at the high ceilings, ornate plaster mouldings around chandeliers with actual candles in them, dozens of dinky little tables and dressers, musty-looking paintings in heavy gilt frames twice their size, and a conspicuous lack of anything resembling a TV, iPad or even a powerpoint.

Plus, Harry was reading a book. A real book a couple of inches wide and no pictures. Harry liked reading books with bright, edgy colours - the cover was about the only merit he judged a book on - or on his Kindle. As Louis watched, in growing consternation, Harry flipped the pages of the book with one hand, a habit that looked born of long practice. His other hand rested on his lap, his elbow tucked against his side. His back was perfectly perpendicular to the sofa cushion. In the five minutes since Louis woke up, Harry hadn't slumped, or even moved, apart from turning pages in his book. And he was doing that quite fast. Louis felt bewildered. It was a lot of secret talents on Harry's part to be hit with all at once.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on June 26th, 2012 08:20 pm (UTC)
and this
The sound of scampering feet caused Harry to lift his eyes from his book and frown a little. He turned his head to the door, showing for the first time that his curls were bound at the back in a kind of beaded net. There were also a lot more of them than Louis remembered. He relaxed a little. Anything involving hair extensions meant an elaborate prank. He had to admit he was impressed; usually by now Harry would be blowing kisses or trying to clamber into Louis' lap or at the very least making a suggestive face. He was clearly very devoted to this prank.

The door open and Zayn and Niall blew inside, skirts swirling around their feet. Zayn's dress was blue while Niall's was pink, whereas Harry was in a muted shade of cream, but they were all designed the same: a band under where their boobs would be, a straight skirt falling down from it, and little puffed sleeves. Niall's hair had been teased into a furzebush of tiny ringlets around his red face and Zayn - Louis muffled a snigger - Zayn's fauxhawk had been combed down into smooth plaits around his head. The lack of distraction made his eyelashes stand out like tiny spiders.

"Were you running?" asked Harry, his tone severe.

"Sorry," said Niall, looking contrite. Zayn dropped into one of the spindly chairs and flounced his skirts.

"We were hurrying," he said. "In a ladylike fashion, because we had news for you, Jane. But if you're not interested, we shall refrain from telling you."

"I desire no news conveyed in such a fashion," said Harry. "Please, Lydia, try to maintain some decorum."

"Mr Bingley is on his way to see you!" burst out Niall. Louis watched Harry's face turn a sunset of reds, before he passed a hand - one finger bedecked with a pearl ring - before his face. Louis wondered who Mr Bingley was and why he made the shameless Harry blush like that. Louis had never been able to make him blush like that. He frowned.

Before he had a chance to analyse his reaction further, Liam stalked through the door. He was wearing the ugliest dress of all, a mustard yellow with chicken-pox spots and a fussy little lace collar buttoned right up to his throat. His hair was twisted into a bun straight back from his head and he was wearing either Louis' or Zayn's glasses, which must have been making him dizzy. He was clutching a cardboard folder bound with string to his chest.

"Please, could you be silent for just a few minutes?" he said. "Mama has the headache again and she will not let me practice once she awakes. This noise is enough to wake a dozen Mamas."

"More likely your music caused her headache in the first place," said Zayn. "I have the headache just thinking about all those scales."

"You could do with more application in your life," said Harry.

"So Mr Bingley," said Zayn loudly, as if this ended the argument. "He is coming to shoot with Papa any moment now."

"Who is coming to shoot with me?" Simon Cowell, dressed in gym knickers and tights - as well as other things, like a wedding-y coat and a shirt with frills on, but Louis couldn't get past tights - strolled into the room. "If you have invited one of those dunderheaded soldiers, Miss Lydia, it will not only be my permission they are lacking when they leave."
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: anumberonme card stormscoradh on June 26th, 2012 08:21 pm (UTC)
... this too
"No, indeed," said Zayn, sounding shocked. "Why, they get to shoot real people, not silly birds! I am talking of Mr Bingley."

"Ah," said Simon, making a face like someone had come on the X Factor stage to sing the Barney song. Off key. "Now there is a word I am rather tired of hearing."

"What is that, my love?" asked Cheryl Cole, pushing him further into the room so she could swan past and sink on to a sofa. Her dress was a searing shade of orange silk, trimmed with dyed-blue feathers. It looked like her usual get-up for a night on the judging panel. The clatter of hooves outside the room made her sit up straight and pull at the lace cap that sat on her voluminous hairstyle, like a tiny ship adrift on a vast brown sea. "Lord! Don't tell me that's Mr Bingley."

In all the fuss and chat about this clearly vital to the prank Mr Bingley, Louis hadn't noticed Harry getting up and sneaking around behind Louis. But Harry's hot breath, faintly scented with peppermint, was so familiar that Louis leaned back into it instinctively. Harry snaked a hand over his shoulder and Louis reached up, twining their fingers together.

"I don't know how I shall contrive to be calm," breathed Harry. It was a far cry from his usual banter, which ran along the lines of, 'That one, three rows up and to the left, I'd like to come on her tits,' but Louis admired his committment to sparkle motion.

"You'll be fine," he said, pressing his cheek to Harry's. This was often a cue for Harry to smack a kiss there, but Harry just squeezed his hand tighter and sighed. It was a weirdly vulnerable sound; Louis' stomach clenched.

"You are my rock, Lizzie," said Harry.

Louis nearly broke Harry's nose, he whipped his head around so fast. "What did you call me?" Harry looked confused, but a sudden stab of pain distracted Louis. Whatever he was wearing was pulling tight across his chest, too constrictive to let him twist around in his chair and stretch his arm back the way he wanted.

He looked down, which was when he realised that he was wearing a dress too.
Shiva: ryro n bden in leaguemowglimoonshado on June 26th, 2012 09:50 pm (UTC)
Re: ... this too
zomg ROFL. Cher's outfit is typical ahahaaha. Simon does work as Mr. Bennet, I have seen the light
cleodoxa: catscleodoxa on June 27th, 2012 12:18 am (UTC)
Re: ... this too
Lol I love it.
oopsoddishly on June 25th, 2012 07:21 pm (UTC)
lolol, I am here on the edges! I just can't do two fandoms at once ;; BUT I will read any fic you write for them, especially if it features Mary!Liam, omg *____________*
oopsoddishly on June 25th, 2012 09:45 pm (UTC)
Okay so I was thinking about this some more today and just. RACHEL PLEASE WRITE FIC FOR 1D. I MISS YOUR WRITING. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WRITE FIC FOR THEM.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: 1D: sticks Louisscoradh on June 26th, 2012 08:32 pm (UTC)
hahaha I posted the Mary!Liam et al in the comments above. You are a VILE ENABLER.
Shivamowglimoonshado on June 25th, 2012 08:27 pm (UTC)
omg I love this ahahahaha.

There are indeed five sisters in the Bennet family ahhaha. Does that make Simon Mrs. Bennet????
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Audrey Hepburnscoradh on June 26th, 2012 08:31 pm (UTC)
cleodoxa: catscleodoxa on June 25th, 2012 10:18 pm (UTC)
Your casting is perfect! Zayn and Niall's roles particularly amuse me. If only that didn't leave them with no one to be shipped with. I'm not sure I can see any of them as a full-on brooding, prickly Mr Darcy, but a more lolzy Darcy lite version could be good.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Timepunching: peacockscoradh on June 26th, 2012 08:34 pm (UTC)
I could buy Harry as this louche, confident guy who's never been challenged on ANYTHING EVER, and Louis is just like, "Nah I'll pass thanks" and Harry is shocked, SHOCKED. And he's previously been justifiably borderline rude to Louis because he thinks he's pretty enough to get away with it, but he never realised before that he can be kind of an asshole. So he ... makes a youtube vid or something (can't see him writing a beautifully crafted letter). It could play out like that, I guess? For some reason I just liked casting them in those roles - I even wrote a bit of it (above), lol.
Zebruizebrui on June 25th, 2012 10:18 pm (UTC)
Lou is totally Elizabeth/troll. Also Niall=Kitty and Zayn=Lydia is a flawless comparison.

So good to see some of my original fandom slowly move to the dark side.

Now for the love of Miss Austen, please, please point me to some decent fanfic from this fandom. 99% of everything I attempted reading in it was written by eleven year olds I swear.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: 1D: Harry sunglassesscoradh on June 26th, 2012 08:30 pm (UTC)
I think I made my points with flawless panache. :P

The dark side rules, man. It should probably be called Oz or something instead, given how everyone cool ends up here.

HAHAHA I FEEL YOU BRO. Well, I've read everything by harriet_vane, sparkbyspark and lnr_fics. This tumblr has five posts of rec lists which I've found useful. That's where I jump off from usually!
Zebrui: great beyondzebrui on June 27th, 2012 12:36 am (UTC)
Thank you bb! Can't wait to pounce on them
phamalamaphamalama on June 25th, 2012 11:00 pm (UTC)
Lol I would say one directioners are super obsessive and I am on the fringe of fandom as always! At this point, I can only recognize Harry and Zayn's voices in the songs... But let's hope they stay ridiculous and do more game or talk shows for those silly moments!!!
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: 1D: piano!scoradh on June 26th, 2012 08:27 pm (UTC)
Their video diaries are the reason I'm in this fandom in the first place. I'm a sucker for anything that makes me laugh!