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30 January 2005 @ 07:10 pm
Yes, yes I am, my strange little pal. But what am I dancing in?  

Although I am loath to impinge upon people's time, I really need your help.

It's my muse, see. He needs a name. I know it's a he, and that he's buggering useless for coming up with anything other than half-arsed fanfic plotlines, but we aren't that well acquainted. Still, it seems cruel to leave him nomenclature-less, and I can't for the life of me christen him. Please? Any suggestions, any at all.

On the note of funny

I received an Australia Day email from my favourite uncle David today. He's the one with a daughter from a one-night stand with a lesbian, called Taylor (the kid, not the lesbian; she's called Jackie. I thought Taylor was a boy's name, but there you go. Jackie's running for council, and is what you call 'forceful', so I somehow doubt Dave had much input in the naming). He now lives in Thailand with his girlfriend, or his 'Chinese woman' as my collective family have dubbed her. (To confirm: she is actually from China, he met her in Shanghai. None of my extended Australian family have been to university but they do know the difference between China and Thailand, trust me.)

It's a good bit past Australia day now, but I can celebrate it whenever I damn well like. So there. Although I get a bit confused about my nationality at times. Just goes to prove my eccentricity, should anyone be in doubt of its (high-profile) existence. I mean, most people just get confused about their sexuality.

GOD BLESS AUSTRALIA WE ARE ONE

We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker.

We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.

We are One Nation but divided into many States.

 

First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo  turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day, and big horse races.

Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable".

At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

 

 Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens.

Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it.

Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

 

Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together.

In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception.

Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces.

It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

 

South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders.

SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen)?

They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

 

Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work.

WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.

 

The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and dusty kids with big smiles.

It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet  and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too.

Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali.

 

And there's QueenslandWHOOP WHOOP!

While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics (ah! That explains me), it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland, as it's beautiful one day and perfect the next.

Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery. (Also explains me...how did they know?)

 

Oh yes and there's Canberra. The less said the better.

 

We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers.

We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tell us Sydney is better than Beijing.

We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party (albeit a redneck gun toting one) can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament.

Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.

 

We want to make "No worries mate" our national phrase, "She'll be right mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide?).

 

We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning.

And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse racing.

 

We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst dressed Olympians in the known universe.

 

Only in Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras - but chain the pens to the desk.

 

Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote.

We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime.

Even though we might seem racist, closed minded, sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it. I am, you are, we are Australian!

 

P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National Crest!!!! No other country has this distinction!

I told you it was fun.

 

 
 
Current Mood: energeticenergetic
Current Music: 'Nothing On But The Radio', the Alice Band
 
 
 
Earth-Bound Misfit: wtf?!smithy161 on January 30th, 2005 11:35 am (UTC)
Well my muse is called Gulerod, which is Danish for "Carrot". I put loads of random words into a traslator until it came up with something I liked ^_^
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: linnpuzzlescoradh on January 30th, 2005 11:46 am (UTC)
I have an AOL translator somewhere, actually...I should try that! xD
Minnow: rhrfriendsminnow_53 on January 30th, 2005 11:48 am (UTC)
Thanks for freaking me out. My muse has just announced he's called Balthazar. WTF? :(
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on January 30th, 2005 12:32 pm (UTC)
That's cool! Perhaps he's come out of the closet? *snh, snh, snh* Mine remains stubbornly nameless.
(no subject) - minnow_53 on January 30th, 2005 12:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 12:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 30th, 2005 12:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 12:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 30th, 2005 12:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 12:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 30th, 2005 01:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 30th, 2005 01:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 01:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 30th, 2005 01:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 30th, 2005 01:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 01:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 30th, 2005 01:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 01:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 30th, 2005 01:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 02:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - cryptid on January 30th, 2005 03:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 03:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - cryptid on January 30th, 2005 03:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 03:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - cryptid on January 30th, 2005 05:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 31st, 2005 10:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - cryptid on January 31st, 2005 02:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 31st, 2005 12:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 31st, 2005 10:13 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 31st, 2005 11:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 31st, 2005 11:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 31st, 2005 11:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 31st, 2005 12:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 31st, 2005 12:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 31st, 2005 12:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 31st, 2005 12:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on January 31st, 2005 02:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on January 31st, 2005 11:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on February 1st, 2005 10:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on February 1st, 2005 10:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on February 1st, 2005 10:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on February 1st, 2005 11:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on February 1st, 2005 11:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on February 1st, 2005 11:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on February 1st, 2005 12:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on February 1st, 2005 12:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on February 1st, 2005 12:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on February 1st, 2005 12:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on February 1st, 2005 12:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on February 1st, 2005 12:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on February 1st, 2005 12:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on February 1st, 2005 01:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on February 1st, 2005 01:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on February 2nd, 2005 01:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on February 2nd, 2005 01:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on February 2nd, 2005 10:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on February 3rd, 2005 10:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on February 3rd, 2005 10:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - scoradh on February 3rd, 2005 12:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: But Seriously... - minnow_53 on February 3rd, 2005 12:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
hobviously on January 30th, 2005 11:55 am (UTC)
My muse is named Gisela della Farfalla.

Italian butterfly muse? What the hell's wrong with that?
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Eyorescoradh on January 30th, 2005 12:33 pm (UTC)
Nothing! Oh my god, a Where the wild things are icon! Mad! Did your muse tell you that straightaway, or did you have to wait a while?
(no subject) - hobviously on January 30th, 2005 12:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 12:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - hobviously on January 30th, 2005 12:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 12:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - hobviously on January 30th, 2005 12:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 12:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
A Better Word for Weird: dilandau triumpha_leprechaun on January 30th, 2005 11:57 am (UTC)
A kid from a one-night stand with a lesbian? That's like The Birdcage reversed.

Hmm. I've never been on a name-to-name basis with my muse, either. Though they seem to have just announced they are female, at least.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Such a manscoradh on January 30th, 2005 12:35 pm (UTC)
Insanity runs in my family. xD

I think I have just the one. He keeps the plotbunnies, feeds them when I've my backed turned and things. He's bloody cheeky. Still nameless...this is such a fun conversation!
amazing vaguely humanoid armadillopersoncryptid on January 30th, 2005 02:38 pm (UTC)
So, have you settled for Zebulon B. Howzat now? Otherwise, I think you should call him Dick Turpin. Just because. :P

I try to maintain a chiefly British vocabulary, but some words and phrases just keep weaseling their way in. 'No worries' is one of them. Also 'eejit'. I can hardly use the word 'idiot' anymore. 'Eejit' pushed it right out of my vocabulary like a jealous little cuckoo.

Australia is home of the platypi and Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. You ought to be proud.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Detention Dracoscoradh on January 30th, 2005 02:47 pm (UTC)
Dick Turpin...I should know that from somewhere, shouldn't I? Damn!

I always use 'no worries' (for my Aussie half) and 'eejit' (for my Irish half)! Colloquialisms are the joy and bane of any language.

See Sydney: most queens anywhere in the world! I am proud. We also have shoes called thongs. It don't get much cooler than that!
(no subject) - cryptid on January 30th, 2005 03:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 03:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cryptid on January 30th, 2005 03:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 03:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cryptid on January 30th, 2005 04:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 31st, 2005 10:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cryptid on January 31st, 2005 02:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 31st, 2005 02:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cryptid on January 31st, 2005 03:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on February 1st, 2005 11:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
denial_girldenial_girl on January 30th, 2005 02:55 pm (UTC)
Australia vs. Canada -- which one sucks more?
Oooh, Australian things! "Must comment!" says the girl with 'Australia' as an interest.

Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable".

At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.


Ha! I've been to Melbourne, in winter, and they wouldn't know cold if it bit them on the ass and took em out to dinner.

It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work.

Wha... on second thought, I don't want to know.

We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tell us Sydney is better than Beijing.

And Torontonians weep when a bunch of corrupt IOC officials tell us we're not better than Beijing. Our inferiority complex is entirely justified. Frickin Earth.

Only in Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Actually, I think that's everwhere.

P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National Crest!!!! No other country has this distinction!

Back in the day Canadians used to shoot and wear the animals on our crest. Beaver felt hats: they will come back in style someday, dammit! and prosperity will be ours, circa 1730! Woot!

But we both rule anyway! Take that, America.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Wolfscoradh on January 30th, 2005 03:04 pm (UTC)
Re: Australia vs. Canada -- which one sucks more?
We say Melbourne is cold, but remember, most of us are used to the huge-ass deserts and droughts and 30 degrees in the shade type-things.

I don't get the daylight-saving and erection connexion either. Have to ask David. I've been away too long...*cries*

Beaver felt hats...Davy Crockett! *is proud of random cultural reference*

Take that, America.

We totally have our priorities sorted!
Re: Australia vs. Canada -- which one sucks more? - denial_girl on January 30th, 2005 03:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Australia vs. Canada -- which one sucks more? - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 03:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Australia vs. Canada -- which one sucks more? - denial_girl on January 30th, 2005 03:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Australia vs. Canada -- which one sucks more? - scoradh on January 30th, 2005 03:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Liz_eliza_b on January 30th, 2005 03:54 pm (UTC)
We want to make..."Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide?).
*Tries not to choke on Chinese food*

Only in Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras - but chain the pens to the desk.

Eh...sorry to burst your bubble, but that's in the US too. Humanity as a whole just cares more about food or whatever than health. Rightfully, I think.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Such a manscoradh on January 31st, 2005 10:33 am (UTC)
Laugh, honey, don't choke!! I may be Australian, but I don't want murder on my conscience! (what a way to go, though...)

Yes! Pizza before cholestrol! The rest of it was funnier, though. And it matches my memories of Sydney exactly.
Lord Marmaduke Newbrycatsmeat on January 30th, 2005 06:46 pm (UTC)
Call him Adam.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Such a manscoradh on January 31st, 2005 10:34 am (UTC)
Do you know, I just had this feeling that you would suggest that? Heh.
(no subject) - catsmeat on January 31st, 2005 11:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on January 31st, 2005 12:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Caitcoralia13 on January 30th, 2005 08:09 pm (UTC)
Call him... Rupert? Hamlet? Bernie? Eugene? Clarence? Bradford? Jim-Bob?

I like this Australia, even though I got, like, none of the jokes. I have, however, read "Waltzing Matilda" with the American translation in America: The book.

Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. An entire room full of college girls could not figure this out. Is there some magic by which everyone in the state gets an erection at the same time, and they can't have DLST because then that time would fall during the morning ride to work? That was the most we could come up with.

I am dispiritedly picturing some big Australian shooting a kangaroo. I am sad right now.
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: I kiss you goodscoradh on January 31st, 2005 10:36 am (UTC)
JIM-BOB! JOM-BIB! HEE!

You got no jokes? *pouts* Try me, I could 'splain.

Not the erection one though. I'll really have to ask Dave. Maybe...look, I just don't know enough about the science of erections!

Kangaroos are a menace on the roads, you know!

(no subject) - coralia13 on January 31st, 2005 06:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
NumberNine: crowley/aziraphale by linnpuzzlehappyreaper on January 31st, 2005 04:58 am (UTC)
Well, what sort of name were you hoping for?

Your note of funny is funny.

Oh, yeah. I friended your journal because I love your fics over at FictionAlley. So, hi. =)
every Starbucks should have a polar bear: Draco proudscoradh on January 31st, 2005 10:37 am (UTC)
Hey, cool! No worries! *friends back*

Aussie humour, see? Gets you every time...

...and your icon pleases me. xD
(no subject) - happyreaper on February 1st, 2005 06:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on February 1st, 2005 10:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - happyreaper on February 2nd, 2005 07:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on February 2nd, 2005 01:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - happyreaper on February 3rd, 2005 07:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on February 3rd, 2005 10:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - happyreaper on February 4th, 2005 12:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on February 4th, 2005 11:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - happyreaper on February 5th, 2005 07:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on February 5th, 2005 01:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - happyreaper on February 5th, 2005 08:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on February 6th, 2005 09:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - happyreaper on February 7th, 2005 12:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on February 7th, 2005 10:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - happyreaper on February 7th, 2005 11:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - scoradh on February 8th, 2005 02:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - happyreaper on February 8th, 2005 11:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)