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08 May 2005 @ 05:40 pm
If god wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets  

About a week ago, my Australian cousin had a baby girl. She’s twenty-three -- my cousin, not that baby, although if the latter wouldn’t that sentence have been, like, so amusing?! Rona -- my cousin -- only got married last year; she called her daughter Imogen, which is a good deal better than Charnie, I must say. That’s what my other cousin, who got married at twenty-one and had a baby at twenty-two, called her eldest daughter. I’m really quite scared, to be honest -- returning home at the age of nineteen, by these standards, I should have a fiance in tow or even a bun in the oven.

Anyway, my mother bought a card for Rona and made me write it, because I’m always made write cards and draw pictures on the envelopes and stuff. Presumably my mother thinks the recipient of these cards will find it charming as opposed to, eg, psycho and deluded. This is what I wrote for Rona:

Dear Rona, Daniel and baby Imogen,

Congratulations for bringing the second great-grand-child into the world! In the manner of fairy godmothers, we wish her every possible grace, beauty, wit and charm, as well as other, more prosaic gifts -- such as being good at sums, ‘cause that’s always useful -- for the rest of her long life.

Much love, the Irish expatriates

There was also a silhouette of a baby in a buggy at the bottom of the card; it was wearing what I presumed to be a bobble hat. I drew an arrow to it and added the thoughtful communiqué: I hope she doesn’t have an alien tentacle, though!

My mother split her sides laughing, although it wasn’t exactly me on top comic form, was it? It will pass entirely over Rona’s head, in any case. I thought it was at least better than saying: ‘You had a baby. Um, wow. The next eighteen years of your life are going to be sheer hell. Love and drugs, a family whose eldest child is nearly got rid of -w00t!!’.

cynicalpirate and chowburger -- ohmygill, Vanessa! I actually felt sorry for her...

 
 
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: 'Yellow', Coldplay
 
 
 
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on May 10th, 2005 12:46 pm (UTC)
...

How can thou speak so?!! He will live FOREVER!!!!!!

Wear mourning for a year and a day and have mad passionate lesbian sex with the Blonde.
Lord Marmaduke Newbrycatsmeat on May 11th, 2005 03:27 am (UTC)
You seemed too happy.


The blonde?
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on May 11th, 2005 04:00 am (UTC)
Yes, because that happens SO often.

His mistress-person.
Lord Marmaduke Newbrycatsmeat on May 11th, 2005 12:10 pm (UTC)
Only because I'm here to stop it!
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on May 11th, 2005 12:26 pm (UTC)
Yay, you have some purpose in life!
Lord Marmaduke Newbrycatsmeat on May 11th, 2005 03:59 pm (UTC)
That's actually kinda sad.
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on May 13th, 2005 11:32 am (UTC)
I know you are. *sporfle*
Lord Marmaduke Newbrycatsmeat on May 16th, 2005 05:10 am (UTC)
Oi.