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18 September 2005 @ 10:05 pm
GIP, among other things. Ron, he speaketh the truth.  

I've just had something of an epiphany and I thought I should record it here, for later times when I feel blue. It will, quite possibly, make no sense at all to anyone else, so feel free to basely ignore this.

Reviewing can be as good as writing. Saying to someone else the sorts (varying, obviously, in the detail) of things that you wish other people would say to you ... it makes me feel good. Maybe my reviews are piles of animal excrement, maybe the authors roll their eyes at them, and maybe some appreciate them. It doesn't really matter; often just a little effort is required to make someone else feel good about their writing.

Then again, there are times I just read fics and don't leave feedback. Initially I did that all the time. Yet, and this is the thing, I had places where I'd  go, authors I'd rely on, to produce writing that I enjoyed. If they decided that, because they weren't getting enough or good enough quality reviews, to pack it all in and delete everything and leave fandom, then I'd feel annoyed and deprived. All because they didn' t know that me and people like me might be reading their writing and liking it, but just not saying so.

In relating it to myself, it occurred to me that, on the level of averages and chance and no accounting for taste, that there might be one or two people who feel like that about my fics. So often lately I've been gripped by a great desire to delete all my archived stories and just focus on rainspots, because if nothing else my later stuff has to be better than the older stuff. But, if there's even one person who finds my work a comfort blanket to return to again and again, as I find so many writers' work, or even if they do a flyby and laugh at one of them, then it's not right that I should delete all of it in a fit of pique.

Er, that was pretty much my epiphany. It's a big deal to me, anyway. I'm not going anywhere. Sometimes that's a more astonishing thing than going somewhere.

skuf, if you read this, I feel I've let you in for some flak. That wasn't fair. Really and truly, you're right. Bloody hell, you're a catalyst. 

So, I'm sorry.

Ain't this life so sweet?

Whether or not anyone notices, I'm going to try and be here, a bit more, instead of spending all my time in the place where I wish I was.

Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: "This Year's Love (had better last)," David Gray
every Starbucks should have a polar bearscoradh on September 20th, 2005 01:02 pm (UTC)
I know. What you're saying is true. But sometimes you want the moon ... and you have to realise that it's okay when you're only getting the reflection of it in a puddle.

Some is a word whore. She'll do whatever you want. *lewd wink*